People constantly commenting on appearance of my pregnant body

[londonerinleith]

I'm sure any woman who's ever been pregnant has experienced this.
Since I started telling people I'm pregnant, I've constantly received comments on my belly (this has now been going on for 4 months).

I just can't get over the sense of ownership the world seems to feel over a woman's pregnant body.

These comments make me self-conscious, particularly as I had an eating disorder when I was much younger, and am still self-conscious about my weight.

BUT people are so smiley and well meaning when they say these things, so I don't feel like I can just tell them to fuck off. I should note - mostly the comments come from other women.

What's a good feminist comeback to this bullshit??

It depends. I personally after 3 babies have to the realisation that the comments are all about the other person. Pregnancy and early mother are a huge time in a woman’s life and seeing a pregnant woman often brings back floods of memories.

I don't let it get to me. People just feel they need to say something and sometimes it's not the best thing but it's very rarely intended to upset.

Opps my point was for me trying to have a comeback would have made me feel worse. I just tried to take the comments as part of those women processing their own pregnancy.

There isn't a good comeback

Just smile and nod.

I don't know if it's feminist, but you could just say that you're not comfortable with people making personal comments about your body.

Agree it's 100% about the other person's baggage. To be brutally honest, it only gets more intense as once you have a baby people will be giving unsolicited advice and trying to touch the baby left right and centre. And then when you have a toddler believe me there will be days you just can't face leaving the house because someone will give you dirty looks just for the toddler being a normal healthy active child. You cannot win.

Imagine the other person is holding up a mirror in front of their face and they are talking to themselves. Most of the time that's as much sense as you will be able to make of the thoughtless drivel people spout!

Yep, smiling and nodding seems to be the only way to go here really. I've definitely sensed it often being way more about the other person and their memories of their own pregnancies!

I suppose I just feel like a guilty feminist for not calling people out on doing something which I think is kind of objectifying. But it would feel much easier to do that if the comments were mostly coming from men!

Ah well, only a couple more months to go and expect this will seem insignificant compared to all the future unsolicited parenting advice/judgment!

What sort of things do they say?

Ugh, I hate this. I prefer the vomiting and the piles and every other symptom to the body commentary.

I had it just yesterday with a handyman who decided to tell me I'm carrying large and will therefore have a big baby. I just smiled and nodded through gritted teeth, I think it's all you can do. CBA to explain that bump size does not correlate to baby size or that it's rude to comment on my body – just more emotional labour. I do however put a curse on everyone who comments.

There may be occasions when the MN classic 'did you mean to be so rude', accompanied by a hard stare, is in order.

am still self-conscious about my weight.

I didn't my mean this to sound harsh/rude but pregnancy isn't 'weight'. It's pregnancy/baby (and maybe some bloat/water retention later).

Of all times in your life not to gaf about size and appearance, this is it.

You are doing the most unimaginably wonderful thing, growing a new little human ... Forget about weight, size, any of it.

It is my pet hate when dumb ass people refer to others or even themselves as getting fat when they're pregnant; it's not fat, it's a baby. If they think it's fat, they're in for a bit if a fkg surprise in a few months.

One more of my sister's for example, living in a different country from me at the time, when I wax pregnant didn't get to see me when I was home at about 4 months pregnant band said "never mind, it'll be more fun seeing you later when you're properly fat/fatter!"

I felt like saying "yeah I'm not giving birth to fat, I think the midwives will be rather surprised if I do".

I relate to the 'stop looking at my body' thing having had the usual body hatred for so much of my life, being a women growing up in the patriarchy. But we humans are naturally primates and are therefore inclined to be touchy feely and observant of one another. If things had gone a different way, our young, developing bodies would've been protected and celebrated. Our pregnancies would be supported and honoured and our ageing bodies respected. The chance of any of us feeling comfortable with this (deeply instinctual) attention being directed at us during what is such a vulnerable time in our lives is now unlikely. Once upon a time, given a completely different context this attention could've felt brilliant. Instead, we now feel like we have to protect ourselves from it. It's pretty f*cked up

Yup, annoyed me too. Also people, including strangers, touching my belly. I think it’s rude that you suddenly become public property when you’re pregnant.

I really enjoyed it when people realised I was pregnant and not just fat. I stood up on the bus on the way to be induced at 9 months. (Good story though , would have been boring otherwise)

I liked the laying on of hands, like a blessing it felt, to me.

I hated being pregnant generally though. Blah. Vom.

I think this is more to do with your ED issues.
People say something because it seems like a big thing in someone's life to just ignore. We comment in someone has a new hairstyle. I can't imagine seeing a friend with an enormous pregnant belly and acting as if it did not exist. That would seem so rude.
But most people don't care. They are just being polite.

barelove - So sad and so true. Well put.