How to feel more powerful as a woman?

[Notadonkey]

International Women's Day has got me thinking a lot about my role as a woman.

I feel I'm letting the side down and I'm hoping I just need to alter my perception of things.

I don't feel powerful.

I used to have a career, I then had children and began to work part-time. I was denied promotions, lost my office space to a full-timer because I became part-time and had to rotate around the building, carrying huge piles of work around with me. I then had time off with my child who kept getting sick and saw my value at work deteriorate.

I got a new job on less hours, but one that is more flexible around family life, I feel much more valued, but I earn significantly less.

It's very very important to me to be around for the children before they start school but my career has been the cost of this, along with my financial independence.

I feel as though my husband sees me as the family servant. He only seems to contribute mentally and emotionally when asked and relies heavily on instructions. His career has improved whilst mine has suffered.

I'm over-weight and tired.

I plan to return to my career fully when the kids go to school, but for how I feel put-on, exhausted, used, neglected and taken for granted.

I used to be bold and strong.

How do I alter my perception of me and my role to feel stronger and more powerful? Please don't suggest I return to work full-time before the children go to school. I want to spend as much time with them whilst I can.

I had the real advantage of growing up with formidable women, as such I’ve always owned my space, leap throw doors first and will fight tooth and nail for a parking place.
But I realised about a year ago I was making myself a family slave. I only replaced my clothes when they had visible holes, and they all matched so I only ever replace a t shirt or whatever. Always as cheP as I could regardless of whether I liked them, taking the minimum from the family pot.
Today I bought trainers, they are orange and not the cheapest. I love them and the world didn’t end because I bought puma trainers.
Doing what you want isn’t always being selfish.

Amazing. Thanks so much!
I feel much better having read these responses. I love the comment about men filling empty space. This is so true.
I will begin to take the space and claim it as my own.
Starting tonight.

you don't need to be bolshy, necessarily, just value what you are doing and claim your time and space. I don't agree that your husband is, necessarily, a bad one. Living with anyone is difficult. You say he's a good person. If this is the case he will adjust to any changes in you; especially positive ones through which you feel better about yourself, and more contented.

Does the current job keep up the skills you will need if you go back full time later?

I've written out statements I read daily now. Some of them are:
I deserve to be happy. I am very powerful. No one tells me what to think about anything. I make better decisions for myself than anyone else can. No one is superior to me. I deserve to be treated with respect.....and so on.

If I have trouble believing any of these statements I take a moment to reflect about what makes them true...It has done wonders for myself esteem. In fact, as my self esteem started rising that's when I started getting really mad about mistreatment from men and calling myself a feminist.

This has been an interesting read to me as due to various choices made because of caring responsibilities, I work in a flexible job that is way below my intellectual capacity, and I feel a total failure as a result.

I combat this partly by also being a union rep - not sure if this is an option for you OP?

I need to retrain in the medium term future otherwise I face a future on very little money when I no longer get tax credits, periodical payments etc. It's terrifying.

Meanwhile, of course, my ex's career goes from strength to strength still facilitated by me being the primary carer for our child.

So I've added a post to my blog about feeling more powerful as a mother having read a good chunk of Liberating Motherhood. Thanks so much for the recommendation!
I have shared with family and friends and asked them to point out anything that may be considered offensive before publicising it.
My SIL has responded with a very long message saying that the problem with my post is that I refer to Mothering as a "job" and that it is not a job as we are under no obligation to have children. She doesn't have kids.
I don't want to get into a debate or argument with her, but I'm a little outraged and really unsure how to respond without offending her or letting it affect our relationship.
Any suggestions?

Its the most important job in the world! If she chooses not to do it, it doesn’t stop it being a job for you. I’ll probably never be a bin man, doesn’t stop it being a job.

What a ridiculous argument. (Her, not you)