Just thinking about one particular trans woman and wondered how common this is

[Arewehumanorbones]

So my relative came out as trans about 4 years ago.
As a non gender conforming feminist I was initially dismayed by the sexist stereotypes being embraced by my family member. Right down to breathy voice and sudden incompetence in things like opening jars.
Then we kind of accepted it and sort of moved on. But it all seemed like an act they were putting on, and it did occasionally slip and you'd see the old person again.
The personal profile is by now pretty familiar - middle aged, in IT, into gaming, anime, are gay/ or bisexual, ASD. They are also a keen live action role player who often played female roles.
And then I thought - maybe after all the gaming, LARPing, and various online anime stuff, maybe they just feel more comfortable when playing a role than when being themselves and "raw". Stereotypes help when playing a role..
All this "being my true self" just doesn't ring true to me when it involves so much medical cosmetic interventions. But playing a role to protect yourself in social situations - I totally get that! And if it can involve your porn life / fetish as well - well that's just brilliant!
So this is just my personal musings on one individual. Does anyone think this holds any merit?

I have a few recently transitioned TW friends who seem to revel in the apparent incompetence of women, to the point they feel we're bonded in our mutual inability to read maps or handle money - fucking insulting!!

What a pile of horseshit. Opening stubborn jars and bottles is my superpower. The men in my life turn to me for help when they get stuck. I am also a good map reader and navigator, so much so that DH has me do all of our travel planning and in-trip navigation.

Yes thanks RedRosa. That sounds hard to deal with

Hi everyone, not hard just my life :) I don't know different. I just thought it might help shed some light or help with the comparison especially in terms of AS people and identity vs material reality. I think there's a complex interplay sometimes of trauma reaction to one's body and/or the gendered world, plus in the case of recent trans activist stuff an entitlement factor which means people are unable or unwilling to examine the difference between their identity and their material realities. I'd love to write more about this. It's a bit difficult being somebody who surrounded by those who would want to isolate and socially ostracise me for my views though. That's why this is a helpful space for me.

Also, here are some flowers for you all too :) thank you all for your kind comments.

Opening jars and dealing with money matters are things I'm good at too (I am a female financial adviser).

To open a jar you can either use your strength, or use a knife or spoon to ease the prongs on the lid enough to break the seal. Then the jar opens really easily.

I was the family jar opener. My men folk had strength but struggled to recruit the right muscles for the job (uncoordinated). In recent years my jar opening talent has diminished drastically. Menopause, maybe? Sigh.

However, we don't differentiate between the sexes according to those who can or can't open jars. It's in every cell of our body.

It’s interesting that the transgender “performance of womanhood” is such a tired failed stereotype. It’s so absolutely a MALE view of how they think women are or should be!
Either porn star, or dim, weak, helpless little fluffy, obsessed with shoes and make up.
If trans blokes really were “women” they’d reject all that shit with the scorn it deserves, and campaign for radical feminism.

Sometimes when the DofE trots out the latest educational hobbyhorse, I think "Have any of you actually met any children?"

The more I read about MtoF trans issues, the more I suspect some of these people have never actually paid any attention to women whatsoever. Or perhaps ordinary, capable women are so utterly terrifying in our matter-of-fact "dealing with everyday shit" that they have to run away into these stereotypes of fluff or porn. Do ordinary women damage fragile masculinity so much?

It's bizarre to compare these oversexed dolls with the previous generation - say Kristina Harrison or Miranda Yardley. I can't imagine either of those thinking women can't read maps!

Either a tap of the lid against the worktop or a rubber band around the lid for better grip works for me if a jar is being difficult (Not the point of thread but I've not met a jar that can defeat me with these tricks up my sleeve).

Stab the lid of the jar to break the vacuum.

I was tempted to join the trans widow thread, except as because I'm not the wife, it's not really my place....

Feel free to join us OP, it's interesting to hear from others whose experience has made them share our perspective.

My ex is more confident as a trans woman than he was as a man. I think he finds performing femininity easier than living life as a slightly wimpy man. I've always felt he has just donned a more elaborate mask to hide himself.

I think role-play (on-line) has a lot to do with it. I remember early on in the age of MMORPG people would relish in being able to deploy an avatar that was either completely different from themselves or explored different characteristics of themselves. Say a person in a wheelchair who would be a sword-wielding ninja.

I'm not in the world of MMORPG or LARP, but I think a lot of us are familiar with the nerdy type sitting in their basement hunched over the keyboard. Reckon it's not limited to nerdy types either. Role playing and being able to fashion their avatar exactly how they want it and being treated as if they are what their avatar elicits, not how they would be treated as themselves. It's easy to see how someone gets immersed in that and think that the avatar is their real self, more real than the person who is socially diffident. Without realising that it is a made up world.

25 years ago I had loads of friends into RPG and LRPG. Before online stuff. They were great, creative, whacky, very imaginative and at times kind of... over enthusiastic. They didn't quite fit in to the mainstream... they let boring people like me join in, too.

RedRosa thank you for your post. to you.

Sadly many trans do play the "role" they are expected to play / portray to conform to what we expect.
I am intersex, and lived as female from age 9 - 19, complex chromosome disorder. I had to adapt, and yes, to a point I played a role, to fit in. But we all do that no matter what out nurturing. We adapt our habits to fit in.
I sense that trans women are taking a fantasy / fetish too far. They know they are not biologically female, they have opted out of being male. I have NO issue with men who wish to cross dress etc, but when they expect to to have access the female only spaces - i have to draw the line.
I am a bit of both, it is NOT fun I do not use female only facilities as my face / look etc is too male. I do not use male changing rooms etc, as my body is too female, - i respect the areas of those who use them.
Trans women MUST not expect society to appease their fantasy. Biological sex change is impossible, NO one is born in the wrong body. EVEN me, I have adapted to my body. We all have to... women have to cope with so many changes - Puberty, periods, body changes, pregnancy, child birth - menopause etc - men as well, -
We all learn to accept our own biology, we accept gravity etc... men must accept their biology.
I used to have sympathy for trans women, as I felt they were like me (I AM NOT TRANS) - but they have taken it too far. I am pleased women are waking up to the threat trans agenda is bringing to so many elements -
I feel for you having to accept a male family member as female, - i feel it is best these men are told truth. Sadly they believe they are female, AUTOGYNEPHILIA is the issue, they often become self obsessed. and selfish .. in my experience,.. BUT you free to adjust to them as u feel comfortable with - sadly can ruin so many lives and families.

Thanks for sharing sam2112, this is a very interesting perspective.

Placemarking.

for Rosa and Sam.

I teach children with Autism. I have seen a range of different things - special interests for example, adopting the accents of fave tv characters (mr Tumble's very southern accent for example or a mildly Canadian one from call of duty and American tv), but also, rarely, a type of echolalia, which in one child started with Mario and much later as a teen was (I think) call of duty.

He adopted that role most of the time in his own free time ie, when not being asked to work at school. It was an extremely accurate mimic of a character. He definitely used it to cope with daily life. This was an extreme example but my point is not an uncommon thing to happen in children with autism, a way to cope and also sometimes a way to learn to communicate. (I'm talking about young children here, and not in mainstream.)

If trans blokes really were “women” they’d reject all that shit with the scorn it deserves, and campaign for radical feminism. Good point.

Such interesting insights here from people with such a wide range of experience.

Thank you all.

The pickles opening is an in joke for trans community...apparently people taking hormones crave pickles and so the whole 'can't open a pickle jar' is a reflection of that...and nothing at all to do with the fact that pickles are gherkins which are small cucumbers and in no way phallic at all.

www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/6ob0l0/pickles/

Sam thank you for posting.

I'm often struck by how disconnected mtf trans are from real live women and it's part of what makes them so very obvious (outside of the obvious physical differences). Any transsexuals living un noticed by women (if they really exist) would have to be much better at observing women as people to be convincing in their act.

Sorry RedRosa if you said something similar I found the dense unbroken block of text impossible to read (dyslexic)