My dd keeps coming out with nonsense.

[cheesenpickles]

So my daughter is 3. We've always been very vocal that she can do anything but lately (since starting nursery of course ) she's coming back with some super dated notions.

We've tried speaking to her in an age appropriate way but I'm starting to find it difficult.

She is absolutely insistent that "boys are in charge", "girls are nurses and cannot be doctors", "girls can't play with cars" and all sorts of nonsense. If we gently explain that actually her dentist and doctor are actually female she refuses and throws a massive strop.

I know it's probably just her age and I've spoken to nursery about it and they've said it's a bit of a culture with the kids.

Am I being over sensitive? My dh was constantly told he was stupid and wouldn't amount to anything at school and has such a horrendous view of himself as a result. I'm terrified that she'll actually really believe all this nonsense when she grows up.

So if the nursery have noticed 'it's a bit of a culture' with the kids, what are they doing to counter these ridiculous ideas?

You're not being over-sensitive, btw. You are right to nip this in the bud ASAP, before it starts to be ingrained in your DD's identity.

I've been in and asked about flash cards and things like that and everything looks fine. They are pretty good in nursery but we live in a very working class old school city. My husband does a "traditional" blue collar manual job and there's a lot of forces so I would imagine there's a culture with other parents/kids that could be coming in.

It's the fact she reacts SO violently. My dh and I have been very careful to ensure that everything is accessible rather than banning stuff. Her little sister is pirate and car mad, so plenty of those knocking about. She's just in pure Disney princess mode and talks about princes saving princesses etc (even though we try to watch the more balanced ones).

Apart from bleating on and showing her pictures of TM and the queen, I'm not sure what else to do.

I grew up believing that being a doctor was a feminine job (it was certainly predominantly female in my family/where my family cane from). There will always be telling your child what they can and cannot do. You can either try to shield her from this or you can prepare her. I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by arguing with her. Keep rationalising until she gets it. My DS had a phase of ‘women can’t drive’ (I didn’t drive st the time), we just corrected him repeatedly. He soon got the message when I started driving.

Change the sex when you're reading books - it's quite easy in books with animals as the characters. No reason why Elmer should be male for example, but lead characters often seem to be. Avoid Paw Patrol. Hey Duggee is better. Buy her the sparkly stuff, but also Duplo and dumper trucks for the sandpit and do on. Stuff she can have fun with. Most importantly make sure you're modelling it for her so your DH and you are not fulfilling old-fashioned roles.

We always stick with CBeebies but then her friends told her all about the "other" channels.

Even though my dh has a traditional blue collar job and I do the majority of the day to day child rearing we are equal in terms of caring for them, housework (he does more tbh) and cooking.

All our family are on board (with maybe mil being the exception but she just loves getting the "dollies" out and still insists they can do whatever they want etc).

It's hard to pinpoint where it's come from but I'm guessing it's certainly her peers.

Try and use the dollies to help. Get some dressing up clothes that include a doctor's medical bag, and a pirate's outfit and so on as.well as princesses stuff. Make one of the baby doll's a boy so the older girl dolls will have to show him what to do and get him out of trouble. Also might be worth finding her a sport or activity which interests both boys and girls like tennis or even football.

this is perhaps her reaction to the contrast between the culture at home and the culture at nursery- I wouldn't get into massive arguments with her, just casually keep on with the counter examples - not at the time of her throwing a strop but when she is calm
it's just a phase, she's trying ideas out

It doesn’t go on forever! My Teenage dd is mortified to remember the princess phase now, and cant believe she was so sucked in. It’s very alluring for young children. Her preschool had a very high proportion of girls to boys and they did a lot of gendered play. I was very uncomfortable and moved her to a nursery school as soon as I could.

Keep talking about it and they’ll see through it in time .

My DD picked up exactly the same views at that age- it's horrible. I gently challenge as much as possible e.g. showing her pictures of boys with long hair or in pink to prove to her that whatever she claimed was a girl/boy think was not. It seems to be absolutely ubiquitous at this age, so I really hope it does end.

DS’s friend liked dinosaurs but after pre school was into Disney princess stuff. Unfortunately I think the kid’s peer group has more influence than parents sometimes. Are there any older kids with less objectionable ideas she could look up to?

Doesn’t sound like she’d be much amenable to logic (understandable at 3 - my kids aren’t!). Hehe - maybe next time she asks to buy something or for you to do something you should just say - sorry I can’t make that decision because DH isn’t around or maybe I won’t do it right... could backfire though...

She will grow out of it.
This age is when children first get a sense of being an individual and are figuring out their identity. This phase paired with a few comments along the lines of 'you can't play with that it's a boys toy ' can lead to what your daughter is doing.

My advice would be to not push back and correct her when she says these things but continue to reality check the concepts with her and model balanced thinking.
She'll be fine.

And yes totally agree with pp about changing the pronouns in story books, when reading to boys and girls!

She’s 3. She has not rationalised her position.

In my experience, 3 is the peak age for gender norm fascism with little kids. They will absolutely insist that only boys can wear blue and girls wear pink and so on. It's around this age that they are forming an early sense of themselves and for some children gender becomes something they identify with strongly as a way to express themselves.

My DD is 4 now and her girly mania is getting better but at 3 she was all about the pink princess girly stuff. I was very disappointed at the time as I was a tomboy at her age and was never into dolls or princess stuff. She still insists on wearing skirts and dresses exclusively, no jeans or t-shirts but she doesn't like pink anymore so that's something to be thankful for at least.

One theory I have is that children with a strong sense of self will latch onto something to express themselves through - some get obsessed with dinosaurs or believe they're an airplane or whatever. Some kids fixate on 'I'm a girl - that means I like pink and tiaras and babies' etc. It's a way for them to express themselves.

This phase paired with a few comments along the lines of 'you can't play with that it's a boys toy ' can lead to what your daughter is doing.

Lets face it, if you were at nursery, and there was a toy you liked, and other kids tried to get you to share, you'd pile on 'girls/boys can't play with that, it's just for boys/girls' - of course you would.

DS2 also went through this phase (tricky for him, as a boy that loves pink and kittens) - we just rolled our eyes, gently pointed out that toys and colours are for everyone (and that his dentist was a woman) and pretty soon he was adamant about something else, and back to kittens, glitter and rainbows. (although he still sometimes comes out with that boys like cool stuff and girls like pretty stuff - and carefully ignores his own particular interests)

It's the "gently" that's part of the problem, I think. Those children at nursery are not pointing it out gently; they're forcefully telling her.

I'm not saying that you should behave like nursery children, but you can certainly firmly and politely point these things out. It'll help her to point them out confidently and assertively at nursery.

It is from nursery, I'm sure. DD was told by the boys at school that she couldn't be a doctor because she was a girl. I told her to refer the silly boys to our own doctor and see what she had to say about that!

Keep challenging it op. We did and last week I overheard my nearly 5 year old tell another child, “colours don’t have genders, silly.”

A colleague's daughter came home from nursery and told him that girls could only be nurses and boys the doctors. And that was for a child whose mother is a doctor...

She is just trying to sort and categorise the world neatly. She will be listening and learning from you even while she strops, and despite thinking she knows everything she will be taking her lead from you (and will probably enjoy telling other children off for sexist stereotypes before she is four. Be sure that the more attention you give it the more she will play up to it.

I remember dd being confused by people in the playground saying boys could only marry girls, when the only wedding she had been to was a man marrying a man.

When I was 6, at primary in the 1980s, I remember a girl from an older form asking all the children in turn "would you like to be a doctor or a nurse?". I'm sure she had been sent round by the very feminist headmistress, who frequently pointed out that in the stories we read, it was always the boys who were out having the good time, while the girls were at home helping Mother. She used to make us swap the boys' and girls' names as we read them.

Where is this nursery?

The 1950s?

If be asking what nursery are doing to challenge this culture with the children. And keep reinforcing the ideas at home.
My eldest DD is 4, and often comes out with rather outraged, sexist, views of what she can and can't do. She's princess mad. I just keep reminding her she can do, and be, anything she wants. That there are no boys or girls toys, just toys. No boys or girls clothes, just clothes. I hope to get through to her one day. also have to keep reminding MIL of these facts too

Outdated not outraged. Bloody autocorrect!

Sorry- should have been clearer. Absolutely not the nursery saying this but some of the boys at the nursery!

She's princess mad. I just keep reminding her she can do, and be, anything she wants

Including a princess?