My Dd is a boy

[Sproutsandall]

So she told me today, anyway. She’s not quite three.

So I have started her on puberty blockers and am saving up for gender affirmative surgery.

Nah, I’m joking, obviously. She’s not quite three and therefore has no real concept about what being a girl or a boy really means.

I’m a bit at sea because I want to be as open as possible with her, but in an age-appropriate way. She barged into the bathroom the other day when I was changing my tampon, and I didn’t really know what to say to her about it. She’s obviously too young to understand periods,but is old enough to be disturbed by mummy bleeding. (She advised me to put on a plaster.)
She’s my only child, so I don’t have any experience.

Are there any books or other resources about what’s appropriate to tell a child about how bodies work and what biological sex is, without resorting to gender stereotypes ?

Personally I think just talking to them helps. Talk about how girls and boys are different and expand as she gets older. At least you weren’t in public. I’ve heard of a boy shouting out ‘mummy you’re bleeding’ in a public toilet (not sure if it’s true but sounds probable).
You don’t need to do stereotypes. I just explained the outer physical differences first.

I just told my DSs that every month the place inside a woman's tummy where a baby can grow gets ready to grow a baby. But if there isn't a baby then all the lining falls out and it looks like blood. They are 6 and 4 and seemed fine with that explanation. My 4 year old asked what his nipples were for yesterday, I said his were just for decoration but women's nipples were for feeding milk to babies. Just be honest but keep it simple.

I've always been matter of fact with mine that girls and boys are physically different but that being a girl doesn't stop them from running really fast or being a boy doesn't stop them playing with dolls. No need to bring stereotypes into it it is about biological fact.

She's not too young to understand periods . As TooMinty says, a very simple "every month mummy's body makes a special cushion made of blood in case I want to have a baby. When my body knows there is no baby, it doesn't need the cushion, so it lets the blood go again."

Detail can be added as they grow older.

I told my ds that my womb made a cushion for the baby from blood. If i didn't need the cushion for a baby the blood came out so I used a pad or tampon to catch it. He was fine with this explanation.

Mine know they can wear or look any way they want but they are boys because they have a willy. It's pretty simple actually (with the rare exception of intersex conditions & that probably is a little complicated for little ones). Penis (Willy) = boy, Vulva (winkie)= girl. They know the anatomical names but we don't use them day to day. Girls grow up to be women, boys grow up to be men. Boys can paint their nails or have long hair. It's all gravy, but they are still a boy. Likewise girls can wear a shark t shirt, play football and have short her. She is still a girl.

Periods wise - I said it happens every month if a women doesn't have a baby in their tummy. It can be sore and then I take some medicine, but it's normal and I'm okay and don't need a doctor.

"No love, you're a girl, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything that boys can do! Let's go play trains/cars!"

Yeah. She still hasn’t really gotten the men/women thing. She’s only really heard boy/girl because ‘dummies are for babies; you’re a big girl’.
Mummy is a big girl, but Daddy is also a big girl, apparently. [Childminder’s son, also nearly 3] is a big boy.
The thing is, I can’t think of any explanation of girl/boy or men/women differences that are not either gender stereotypes [do not want] or sex attributes [far too young]. So should I just leave the girl/boy explanation until she’s older? And then at what age do biological differences become something to talk about?

Does she ever see her dad naked? As that normally raises the question of what's that? Then simple explanation of boys have penis' and girls have vaginas.

Oh and I don't think now is to young for the basic explanation of physical differences between boys and girls.

My children and grandchildren always noticed the obvious biological differences just from observation of close friends and family. Then questions would arise naturally which led to boys and men have willies, girls and ladies don't. I'd say a little nudity is the best way to learn e.g seeing a baby have it's nappy changed, not worrying too much about swimming costumes for preschoolers in a paddling pool or allowing a young child to wander into the bathroom whilst Mum, Dad, Grandma or Grandad are having a shower. Of course all of us can do anything!

I'm not really sure how to explain the anatomical differences with my just turned 3 year old, because she never sees any man/boy naked... Not because I'm a prude, she sees me plenty naked, but because her dad strips off on the bathroom,has shower, takes his underwear etc in with him so really she never sees anything. She doesn't have a brother or a friend who is a boy that she sees outside of nursery, so unless she sees them in the mixed toilets at nursery I don't know.

*takes his underwear into the bathroom to change into when he gets out and dries, not he takes them into the actual shower...

My DD always chooses to role play the boy characters from mixed-sex TV programmes.

3 is old enough for the penis/vagina division. At 3 she is about to hit a world of gendered stereotypes. It’s shocking how strong the messages can be from peers. Having the biology in place will help when you have to explain that boys can like pink and glitter and girls can like trucks and mud.

Actually your period is a good place to start talking about biological sex, I think.

My 5yo daughter last year saw the results of my period and we talked about how when girls grow up they have a period and it’s needed to have children. That it doesn’t hurt like getting cut does and is very normal. Anyway, anything to normalize female body experiences is I think helpful.

Lol at her suggesting you bandage it...

My son was like this. He was adamant he wanted to be a girl when he was a similar age. I kept saying that he was a boy but he could do anything a girl could do, and it turned out he wanted to do ballet and thought he had to be a girl to do it.

He is 9 now and still dances, is very vocal about anyone doing and wearing anything they want, and is definitely a boy. He does have long hair, and he is planning to go as the boy in the dress for World Book Day. But he doesn’t say he is a girl any more.

Some good answers on here for what to say to my 4-year old about periods. Sadly, the last time she noticed it was in a public bathroom too and she said loudly 'what's all that red stuff in your underwear??' (I don't use tampons, I use pads) so I didn't really want to go into a detailed explanation of menstruation right there but next time it's just the two of us, I certainly will use some of your explanations upthread!

For my two DC, I have a boy and a girl so it's a little easier because from an early age, they noticed each other's differences in the bath etc. Now at 4 and 7 they are happy with the explanation that a boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina (which is the word I prefer to use). Cue my 4-year old stomping around in the nude with her legs wide open going VAGINA! VAGINA!!! Not sure if this is some form of early onset TERF syndrome but she's very proud of herself! She has seen me naked too so she knows that our bodies are the same and I think that makes her happy to be like me.

Both my kids are actually very identified with their respective genders, for some reason, even though I tell them over and over again that boys can have long hair / wear dresses, girls can have short hair etc. They have friends who defy all the gender stereotypes but they seem comfortable with staying within the norms for their genders. I would have loved if my DS had asked to wear pink tutus and my DD had been a tomboy but sadly they are pretty boring, not speshul at all

Dd is 5 and knows she has eggs in her tummy and she's very proud of that! She says 'poor boys don't get to grow babies'. I explained periods in a similar way to TooMinty.

I’ve been quite straightforward but kept it simple. I let her lead, when she’s asked questions I’ve answered them honestly.

I grew up in a household that was pretty open about menstriation, neither of my parents acted like it was embarrassing or not to be discussed so I’m very comfortable discussing that with anyone, really. I don’t menstruate so I’ve not had to explain any bleeding to my girl yet, but she knows we have eggs so it’s not too hard to explain I reckon.

Mainly though I think women shouldn’t be embarrassed about their biology- I’m not criticising anyone here for how they feel about their periods, btw- but we wouldn’t have our kids if it wasn’t for the fact we begun menstruation so teach kids they’re ok to talk about.

At 3 my daughter would take all her clothes off and crawl around on the floor. When questioned her response was "cats don't wear clothes".

I am pretty certain that I didn't worry about needing to explain to her that she wasn't a cat really.

I said that when I was little! I think 3 is fine to discuss the differences between men and women, boys and girls. I did with mine and it was all very matter of fact, no big deal. Just talk about stuff honestly, periods too. I just said it was part of a cycle that enables Mummies to have babies and she’d learn more as she got older.