Scared to say no :(

[OdeToDiazepam]

Shit isn't it.

I'm repeatedly made to feel uncomfortable by a colleague who is 40 years older than me and built like a brick house, who often strokes me and squeezes my waist/prods my lower stomach. But I'm scared to speak out about it

Other colleague today acting in a way which makes me uncomfortable, intimidating, coming in my personal space, grabbing me, again I'm scared to say no

I want to say no. I'm a confident person who can speak their mind. But in the presence of men like this I revert back to freezing and feeling helpless (history of dv da/rape)

So neither of these oafs is the head chef. If you can find a chance to speak to HC alone maybe they will have some ideas about the wandering hands.
If you can manage a sort sharp yell of 'No!' it might put the bullies off. I wouldn't find that easy either. Sorry for your nasty situation.

As it is a small kitchen of chummy workmates it would be a bit strange if someone who has said they would like a bit more confidence to speak out suddenly brings charges against a 'workmate' for sexual harassment, before even taking the steps to let the person know its unwanted in the first place. So then you've made an official complaint to the police but oops you forgot to tell him it was unwanted and complained to knowone so the police cant do a flippin thing and the complainant becomes the trouble making little all the horrible names under the sun if shes even got a job to go back to so yes a formal complaint for sexual harassment for a squeeze of the waist and prod in the stomach at this stage would be the most obvious ridiculous advice to someone who could already be at a vulnerable stage and has had experience in the courts before no doubt for things much worse than this.

However that doesn't mean its nothing to be bothered by just sensible ways to deal with it

you don't need this kind of attention to feel valued what kind of dross is this. Have you been listening to the OP? She feels the opposite of valued by it Adrienne she hates it, and its not all about her just because she doesn't want men's hands all over her body!! Just no! Are you saying this just to upset her because then it would be the right things to say to do that. Its gross, and she's not alone in feeling intimidated by it, did you read that the head chef is also?!

You have to get through the best you can, just should oi ! Loud and 'hands off' next time and carry on with your work. Good luck with your new job!

Its not too small OP, its got to stop because you need it to stop and so do the rest of the staff. Its not OPs responsibility their wandering hands, its theirs. FFS!! Get real, all the others are too afraid also. Nice support

Solstice888 says "Next time someone prods you, loudly say 'oh for goodness sake. Right! Can I have everyone's attention please! There's a thing called personal space and I shouldn't even have to say, but if everyone could just keep their hands to themselves from now on, that would be swell'. You gotta be loud about this sorta thing and call it out infront of everyone. Just make it seem like you are addressing everyone and not just him."

I agree with this. OP, you don't have to do anything as a trailblazer, and it's cool if you just want to leave. It would be great though if you felt able to speak up, because it will give confidence to all the teenage young women experiencing intimidation and harassment.

No my past isn't haunting me every day. After extensive counselling and medication for 2 years I've managed to beat the main ptsd symptoms and am in a happy place now

But it just affects me in this type of scenario because I freeze up, not fully like before but when I anticipate it, and I'm too scared to say anything or start a big thing about it because of my past experiences

you don't need this kind of attention to feel valued

It doesn't make me feel valued
I don't want male attention
I want men and their creepy non consensual ways to fuck right off

Really.. it is sexual harassment. This has been ongoing for quite a while. He's touched me right above the belt before, he's squeezed me round the middle with both hand before from behind or right at my side multiple times, strokes my face etc

But I know what it's like to report things to the police and I can't handle doing that again at the moment

Call it out. If you freeze up in the moment then don't wait until there is another moment. When you're all together first thing on a shift or something just say 'can I have everyones attention please? I am feeling a bit uncomfortable with some of the male behaviour here, i'd ask that in future you dudes keep your hands to yourself. jokingly> I mean I know all us ladies here are adorable but...boundaries ya'know? Because it'smade me feel uncomfortae and it just isnt very professional. So...hands to yourself in future. OK? Cool'.

Ode you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Its wrong what they're doing and its up to the company to ensure staff are not abusing other members of staff. You have to judge for yourself whether its going to make a difference you saying something directly to them. At least you have those around you being effected the same way. Maybe if you take the quiet approach and note all and each behaviour when with whom and when over a one week period, then submit it with a note to management/hr to request an immediate end to it for you all?

You can just shout each time, and jump, it doesn't have to be a case of something specifically said, it will make them uncomfortable and aware that its obvious to everyone. I hope you have a better week.

But it just affects me in this type of scenario because I freeze up

Sadly this is really common with trauma. We have the fight/flight/freeze response. What tends to happen is fight first, if that doesn't work, flight, if that doesn't work freeze. People who've suffered abuse have 'learned' (subconsciously) that fight and flight don't work so they always freeze. Not your fault, not at all.

We can’t really help our fight flight or freeze response, so it might be hard to address it at the time. I wonder if you might feel able to start by turning towards him and holding your hand up (like a stop sign), smiling and saying ‘no thanks John’ or ‘personal space please mate’. It’s a great time to road test some assertiveness, as you are coming up to leaving anyway.

Well I have an update for anyone interested!

It got serious today as he was caught possibly taking photos of one of the young girls inappropriately or at the very least looking at her inappropriately.

Said girls mum has come to the rescue and spoke to the owner today, that gave me and others the confidence to say what else had been happening and now it's going to be dealt with

Oh, excellent

Awesome! Go that mum!

Fantastic update!! Poor girl though, how awful things went so far. I presume this peado will be reported to the police for his repeated assaults on women's bodies!

Huurrrah, Ode

That's good news Ode. Fingers crossed that it's taken seriously.

I'm so pleased to hear your update. Hopefully his mate will back off now as well.