Advice for Daughter - Same shit different generation

[TanquerayTickles]

It doesn't ever really change does it?

My daughter is 12 and had an incident at School this week where a boy in her year was making inappropriate gestures and comments towards her, when she finally shouted at him to stop it he called her a slut.

Ive been in touch with the School and there has been an appropriate consequence for the boy and I've told them I expect my daughter to get a full apology from him on his return to School.

Should I go further? Ask them to speak to the boys about the language they use towards girls or should I leave it now that it's dealt with? How should my daughter deal with it if it happens again or there's repercussions?

I know I don't post often so apologies for just bowling in but this has made me feel so sad for my Daughter and I need some advice. Thank you.

I recently reported some school boys for language that they were using on a public bus. It was grossly misogynistic. I recognised the uniform and reported them to their Head Teacher. The boys were young enough that I don't think they understood what they were actually saying and I really hope that by doing this there's a chance that they will learn that this language is harmful both to girls but also to themselves. It's good that you reported them too. They need to know it's not OK, and it's great for your daughter to see you not accept it.

I wonder if you could ask the school to give the students a chat about this sort of language and importantly what they should do if they hear it. Which teacher to go to? What will the consequences be? Will the reporter also be in trouble? This needs to be "official". If the students are the right age then learning that this is verbal abuse and what to do about it could be useful to all of them. It's learned behaviour at this stage so if the boys can unlearn it and the girls can learn what to do if they hear it, that could be a start?

It's so depressing though isn't it?

Thank you!

Cleanedhousewastedlife, I was thinking of asking them to consider doing an assembly around appropriate language and verbal abuse/harassment, thats a good idea. But yes, overwhelmingly I feel utterly depressed about this. My Daughter was 12 years old the first time she was called a slut by a boy because she stood up to him and said no, she'll never forget it. More depressing is that it probably wont be the last time it happens to her.

Sarahjconner, good for you and well done to your son! It's so important that our kids see us sticking up for them and calling out misogyny when we see it.

I think the school are handling it pretty well actually. You hear so often of schools who try to minimise the behaviour or suggest that the girls/their parents are over reacting.

There are a lot of organisations these days that go into school to address this kind of stuff. And it may be worth discussing it with the school. But broadly, the fact that they've responded so quickly and firmly would be, in my book, a good sign. Unfortunately, the schools can only do so much - the DC see and hear so much out of school. At home, on social media etc etc.

I wish I had advice for your daughter on how to handle it. But it seems that at least by reporting it, it's been treated similarly to how any physical abuse would be treated. So that's a step in the right direction.

Hi OP no apology needed and there is so much helpful advice on this board for situations like this.

Firstly well done to your DD for standing up for herself as that's not easy to do. I'd agree that the school responding so quickly and firmly is a good sign and I think your idea to suggest an assembly is good too as this age group are so massively open to all the nasty toxic influences out there and it's vital this is counteracted.

I'd also wait to see how this apology pans out to make a final judgement on how it's been handled and keep talking to your DD to make sure she doesn't experience any kind of backlash after from this boy.

Well done though, your right it's crap this has happened so I hope she's doing ok

Well done to your DD for standing up for herself. I'd probably go with shouting back "And you are a misogynistic little prick" next time but not everyone would agree.

Yes, I would ask for a meeting with the head and ask what they will do to prevent further incidents.

Thanks, everyone.

Yes, we're going to give it until the middle of next week to see if an apology is forthcoming then go from there if not. I agree the School have handled it well so far and I think the Head would be receptive to any suggestions regarding the issue.

I'm very proud of my girl, even if she does affectionately roll her eyes and laugh at me when I talk about feminism to her, it's obviously sinking in

Thanks again, all.