Posted this on here because I thought it might go down badly on AIBU and I suspect that people on here will have some interesting thoughts on this.
I have, semi accidentally, never exposed my sons to even the mildest depictions of violence. Neither I or DH likes Action, Sci Fi, Comic type stuff like Batman, spy films, so we don’t watch it. When our kids watch TV, we’re quite careful it is very age appropriate which means no violence. Because we don’t watch that sort of thing, he hasn’t seen Star Wars or Batman films and cartoons. He doesn’t have comic type books in his selection either, we just wouldn’t think of doing it.
We made a conscious decision not to restrict toy weapons. My eldest, who is six, had one foam sword from a fancy dress outfit when he was about four and wasn’t very interested. He has one toy gun which he was bought as a present, I allowed that because it’s all silly noises and flashing lights so it doesn’t actually bear any resemblance to a real gun whatsoever. Water pistols are okay though.
I’ve noticed as he has got bigger, that he doesn’t play fight, he doesn’t see it as a game. One of his little brothers will tumble around with him sometimes, but that’s it. I’ve noticed quite a few other boys have games which centre around pretending to fight, pretending to have guns or other weapons like nunchucks and pretending to punch and kick imaginary people. Most of them seem to have watched quite a lot of stuff with violence in it like Star Wars, Batman, action films, ninja turtles etc. They also have a lot of weapon toys which they use in games of fighting, action figures who are characters who fight. I know of primary schools boys who play fortnite, and when they get older it gets even worse with shoot ‘em ups and GTA.
I was thinking about why we, as a society, do this. I guess one part of it is that governments are always going to want men who like fighting, because they want them in their armies, but at what cost?
Fighting seems to be promoted to boys as a leisure activity which can be both worthy (goodies do it) and gets you what you want (winners get their own way). So can we really be surprised when so many little boys grow up into men responsible for an epidemic of violence against women?
It’s something I’d really like to see discouraged, tougher certifications, internet age controls on games, parents discouraged from buying weapons toys, shows like Ninja Turtles scrapped to reduce exposure to violence until they’re older, more education for parents about suitability of things like Batman for younger kids.
I know this all sounds incredibly dull and worthy, but I’m not a sandal wearing, yogurt bothering hippy at all. I have no problem with boys being boisterous or competitive and adventurous, I just really, really hate violence.
It’s not just sad for women, girls, children and even men and boys who are victims of violence, it’s sad for the little boys who grow up thinking violence is okay and desirable and end up in jail or with destructive lifestyles and will probably take a few beatings themselves along the way.
Do you think this sort of thing influences later life violence in men? Is there anything we could do which would make a meaningful difference?