Lower expectations for a man in the workplace - thoughts welcome

[Lottapianos]

I was due to meet with 2 colleagues this morning, one male who I will call M and the other female who I will call F. M didn't show up - it was unlike him and we were surprised but F and I met anyway

Later in the day, F ran into M and she asked him where he had been that morning. He was suitably mortified, apologised and said that the meeting must not have been in his calendar. F told me this later in the afternoon and said that she wasn't annoyed at him because a) it wasn't like him to forget and b) 'hes a man '

When I asked her what the fuck that had to do with anything (not in so many words!), she said that his wife probably organises his life for him outside of work and his PA probably does the same at work so he doesn't really know how to organise himself. I know that the concept of 'wifework' is well known and discussed on here, and that it often extends into the workplace. So is my colleague F just being realistic about how men's lives are often organised differently to women's lives, or is she being ridiculous and blaming the women in M's life for not organising him properly? Thoughts welcome

Bump

F is sexist.

Agree F is sexist

In a way that simulataneously infatlises the man and also gives him excuses for pesumably every fuckup he makes.

Did she actually say it was the women's fault? Either his wife or his PA for not looking after him properly?

In which case she is beyond sexist and heading into weird.

No Nothing, she didn't explicitly blame the women for his mess up. It was more of a sympathetic thing about how he's probably not used to organising his own diary, bless him, because he has women sorting things out for him all the time. Coz he's a man, you see

Just sexist then

This is the female to male version of benevolent sexism isn't it

I guess in a way F could have been saying because sexism (wifework etc), it’s unsurprising M fucked up?

Which I agree with, but I would still be pissed off with M and expect better of him. Not be using it to excuse and infantilise him.

i am recruiting currently.

Scoring the applications, not one male applicant had actually completed the form to give me enough info to score them against the criteria, all of them just said how excellent they and and would be.

All of them!

How excellent they are and would be.

'I guess in a way F could have been saying because sexism (wifework etc), it’s unsurprising M fucked up?'

Yes, that's what I was wondering but failing to articulate!

First rule of feminism:
When a women is wrong blame the patricarchy.

Was this a work meeting? Don't people who organise meetings send a calendar invite? That's the rule where I work, if it's not accepted in the diary it's not agreed yet.

I work with men. They are all perfectly capable of telling the time, managing their diaries, and attending meetings. Even the flakey ones can do this.

This is only an issue because no woman has ever missed a meeting ever.

Because if any women had ever missed a meeting, this would just be an odd anecdotal thing that happened.

I think F needs to look at herself and have a think about what she's saying and why.

Yeah, it's sexist to do the "oh well, he's a man, what do you expect" thing, whether it's about attending a meeting, putting on the dishwasher or buying his mother a Christmas present.

The vast majority of men are perfectly capable of doing these things - having a vagina doesn't magically make oneself amazingly organised or full of present ideas

F misses meeting, M says he's not annoyed because "she's a woman".
Sexist? Yep.

I don't know if people expect 'less' of men, but they definitely aren't expected to do anything that was traditionally feminine. If you have a workplace policy of tidy desks or washing your own cups, for example, I think men get away with not doing those things more easily. Anything to do with neatness or being careful really.