Male abusers of adult women use the same techniques as paedophiles

[OrchidInTheSun]

I posted this article in Relationships and someone thought I was saying that all abusive men are paedos

www.independent.ie/irish-news/men-who-abuse-women-use-the-same-tactics-as-pedophiles-and-ive-never-met-one-who-wanted-to-change-says-author-of-how-he-gets-in-her-head-35681098.html

I thought it might get a bit more traction in here and I think it deserves a wider audience. As well as being quite pertinent to understanding how abusers work, it also resonated with me in how the 'handmaiden' phenomenon operates.

Wondered if anyone else could see parallels?

That article is really interesting and I agree with pretty much everything they said. Things like the freedom programme are great for recognising what abusers are like and once you attend and hear that pretty much every woman there shared the same story of ‘grooming’ it all becomes quite clear as to how these men operate. I think a key issue is that amazing projects such as the freedom programme tend to be introduced after you’ve been through an ordeal, it would be amazing if there was some way of introducing something similar to the freedom programme but for all woman before abuse had a chance to manifest. Introduced within sex education classes at school perhaps so you’re aware of the signs beforehand.

That's a really clear, well written article. I think it just confirm what many of us suspected; that abuse is an active behaviour based in entitlement, and that the only difference between abusers is their choice of target.

That's an excellent suggestion EarlyWalker. We're never going to stop men doing it but we could educate women before they get there. Something needs to change; that much is clear

Lundy Bancroft's book 'why does he do that' talks in detail about that behaviour based in entitlement and it's writ large all over TRA ideology.

Anyone who's ever been in a relationship with an abusive partner or a partner who cannot control an addiction also know about the black hole of need that nothing is ever enough to fill. Nothing you do or give will ever be enough.

I absolutely agree with this article,i have met men like this, they are very charming and lovely at firs, then as you get to know them they become like a Jekyl and hyde,
I was in relationship with someone who outwardly was the loveliest man you would ever wish to meet, but as time went on, he changed, and everything had to be on his terms,
It was definitely a form of grooming, even though someone argued that adult women couldnt be groomed,
After a while contact stopped, or promises made which never materialised, also taunting about things which he knew would upset me or trigger feelings of unworthiness
Then contact stops for no known reason, and the person is left wondering what they have done to dsrve this silent treatment
These men absolutely do exist,it is power to them to see you suffer
I believe these kind of men dont really like women, possibly due to some past history