Harrasser back on the scene - hold my hand, please!

[GrownAndFlourished]

I've NC for what I assume would be obvious reasons and I'm afraid I'll still have to try and remain reasonably vague. Oh, and, I'm posting this on FWR because I'm hoping for a more sympathetic readership here. So here it goes:

I'm a female executive in a large corporation. On the face of it, I'm about as together as I could hope to be: I'm reasonably professionally successful in a field that has

I do wonder if guilt can be caused by the fact that the sexual component of the assault confuses the way our minds process an assault, in the way that a mugging does not.

While I couldn't possibly speak for anyone else who's ever been a victim, this is most certainly the case for me. There's always this question of did he just find me attractive (nothing wrong with that per se - it happens, even at work) and express it in a clumsy way? Did I lead him on because I was bubbly and personable as you would want to be as a junior analyst still on probabtion? Is the difference between a fling with your boss and harassment whether or not you find your boss attractive?

But then it isn't, is it? I'm a boss myself these days and have been for years. I've had male employees as well as colleagues and bosses who've obviously fancied me, and some I may have fancied a little myself and might have entertained getting involved with had we met under different circumstances.

But we didn't, so I've always kept it professional. It's a fine line to walk at times between meeting up with a colleague at the hotel bar for a drink and a good laugh while on a business trip because you're just both really bored and flirtation. But it's a line, it's there and I can honestly say I've never crossed it as a boss, and none of my other bosses have ever crossed it with me.

So, yeah, I think you're right about the sexual component making people feel a different kind of guilt. Also, I think they have no rational reason to.

FWIW, I've had a very decisive word with my bosses on the matter of ex-boss, and it basically went like "he's not coming because I say so. I, not you or HR or anyone else. I have the authority to pick my own team and I will make this decision by myself. I'm sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable, but I can't have you treat me as an HR case in this matter because I've already been victimised once, and I need to not be feeling disempowered right now".

Only response I got was "perfectly fine, next time don't include the word 'sorry'".

Obviously, ex-boss' manager was a tad less delighted about my hard no, but at the end of the day it's my initiative, so he doesn't get to staff it.

That's a great outcome.

Well done to you for standing your ground.

Result! And that sets a precedent so well done

I can't have you treat me as an HR case in this matter because I've already been victimised once, and I need to not be feeling disempowered right now
I think that was perfect, made me think though: do you feel that your seniority offers you fewer protections?
I've noticed it (and am not at your level) and to be fair it affects both sexes, seems more acute for women though. The structural protections employers build in seem to vanish the higher you climb.
In your case if you are more senior than any of the HR people you would have otherwise consulted if, say you were in a junior role, I can understand why that would have been the wrong path to take.
There's also an attitude of "get on with it, that's what you get the extra money for". Which, if you take it to the extreme, means that as a society we support the notion of paying someone to forego their employment rights, provided the price is right.
I'm glad to hear it went well, good luck with your initiative/project.