Making a fuss

[DamsonGin]

I'm 'making a fuss' about some low level sexism at work, full support from my boss but this feels outside of my comfort zone.

It's a very male environment, different office to one I've worked in before, that needs a culture change.

I've just realised how unnatural it seems to speak up, there's so much ingrained that's trying to stop me and make me nervous and uncomfortable. Never realised before how 'socialised' I have been brought up.

Its a wake up call, isn't it. How do you see this working out? Can you offer them a solution?

I think it should work out, my boss (located elsewhere) is taking it higher and I'm going to have a chat with someone I trust in my office. It's all ingrained, 'mostly harmless' stuff, nothing direct to anyone, but even with just that it's keeping me awake. It's a big company so I think there will be some top down attention and should be capacity to change things.

It's made me realise too how comfortable white males often are and how little need there is for them to drive change and inclusivity, unless they actively choose to.

@DamsonGin what sort of behaviour are we talking about here? “low level sexism” can be pernicious.

Trust me - the sky will not cave in if you call it out every time you see it and stick to your guns. It's more than thirty years now since I said loudly to my then boss, right in the middle of reception, "Robert, do you mind not staring at my tits when you're speaking to me? I don't stand her and stare at your balls, do I?"

here (sorry!)

It very much depends on the people. If your colleagues are just unthinking rather than outright malicious, there's the more gentle approach of "oh, that's a very sexist way to put it, don't you think?", which can work wonders without putting people on the defensive. But in other situations, I do wish I'd had the guts to say "Stop staring at my tits".

I was called a 'sexetary' by a male colleague once. It was whilst chatting in a group and I was the only female there. It made me feel very uncomfortable. We had the same job role at the time and I eventually become his senior.

That day changed the way I viewed that colleague and I wish (even years) later I had called him out on it. I didn't because I didn't want to appear too sensitive. It still pisses me off today.

Friends of mine taught in an all-boys school in the 80s and it was rampantly sexist - amongst the predominantly male staff - which filtered down to the boys (whose own sexism was not discouraged). Both friends complained repeatedly to the head about remarks passed by boys in their earshot and sexist graffiti they saw.

It came to a head one day in the exam season when one of these women was preparing the hall for an exam and she found some shockingly awful graffiti about her on a desk. So, she picked it up and shoved it into the staffroom during the head's morning briefing, whilst he was in full flow.

At the end of the day, all exam desks were painted over. The head began to listen...

I think it's as you've said, Puggled, am hoping it's unthinking and lack of awareness rather than malicious.

I like that line Sicario, it's given me a boost and a smile, I'll definitely be talking to someone when I'm in the office next. In my head I can articulate what I want to say.

And I'm glad they painted over the desks, Vicky, that sounds awful to find!

I can remember the day I decided to stop walking round the office with a file clutched to my chest and carry it under my arm instead.

Persistence is your ally. I know that since I have made a point of speaking up every time a man does something unthinkingly sexist, the drip effect actually begins to have an effect. I also try and encourage the women I speak to not to self deprecate so much too.

But yes, speaking up and 'making a fuss' is hard. It does get better with age, I find.