Not My Nigel!

[charis]

Can we have a balancing thread to celebrate our beloved sons and partners? I'm absolutely sick of the whataboutery and the cries of misandry 😒

It's a fucking miracle we ever go near them but we do.

Anyway. Mine got the fire lit on my birthday and gave me really thoughtful presents. What does yours do? Cos we hate men obviously.

apologies. Perhaps this wasn't the best place for the thread. In my defense, I'd had too much to drink and probably thought the board needed cheering up

Well I think that even a man who only gets to roughly 50-50 and has made an effort to throw off the expectation and training from childhood is worthy of praise.

I do most of the DIY in my house I'd find it extremely patronizing if dh went around saying "Oh Princess is so good, she put together a flat pack yesterday even with the vagina".

I think feminism loses if we can’t distinguish between the class problem and the individual.

But no one believes feminists don't do that do they?

Ida ffs it’s not about cynicism at all. We keep explaning- it’s not about individual men. Suggesting that it is actually impedes progress of feminism because it suggest that actually it’s all individual and nothing to do with social structures at all. It’s fine if you want to praise your partner but a whole thread ‘to show the world we’re not man-haters’? They know we’re not man-haters (same as they know we’re not ugly and hairy) but they tell us that to undermine our efforts and ensure that the change we want doesn’t happen. Let’s not play into that narrative eh?

I enjoyed reading about the nice Nigels OP, even if you did post the thread while in your cups

I just saw it a bit like a nice MIL thread after lots that weren’t so nice. It doesn’t matter, surely, that you put it on FWR? It doesn’t always have to be super serious threads started only with the most super serious of intentions. I’m sure it won’t “prove” to the world that we’re not all man-haters but so what, it doesn’t really have to does it. After all it’s one thread on a busy subsection of an even busier forum.

Ps - hope your head’s ok

I absolutely appreciate some of the more recent comments and where they come from

a bunch of women fawning over the fact that their DH cleans the shower

But where the actual fuck did i fawn

I said what he does round the house....no fucking fawming there

The adjective description of man hater is what I see most commonly assocaited with feminism

ANd in this very thread we see people saying that an individual male can not be contributing 50% because the data shows that on average people overest8mate a male contribution . That is making an assumption about individual based on the class

SO basically a man doing the same as them warrants praise

He doesnt do the same as me...

But anyway...on a lighter note I understand where these statements and dont disagree with most of them

I quite often forget what boards im on

I didn't mean you specifically, Rufus. The shower thing was just something that stuck in my head as I was reading the thread, which was 'let's tell the world about the great things our men do so that nobody thinks we are man-haters', followed by very very mundane examples of great things. It wasn't so much the stuff described that annoyed me as the apparent feeling that there is a need to show the world that we are not man-haters.

I know funky

Honestly i do.....its just i hate that fawning word

And I appreciate that this isn't about individuals

I dont think cleaning a shower or cooking dinner is a great thing

But i think its fairly impressive that he does these things when he comes home after being out of the house for 12 hours

But i know its not all about me

I think it’s a nice thread OP I was enjoying hearing about all these Nigels

My exh is a very capable cook. He can also unblock the loo and mop the floor. He’s also a controlling abusive twat who tries to manipulate people into doing whatever he wants, then screams and swears if they don’t play along.

DS is funny and polite. He’ll help out in the flat if nagged enough and he helps me in lots of other ways. He’s also fiercely GC and rejects all the gendered stereotype crap, although he’s definitely all about the boys.

I’m a lazy bastard who hates housework and will try to ignore it for as long as possible. I’m a decent cook but would rather not given the choice. I’m very empathetic And I don’t judge so a good person to bounce things off and I’m fucking hilarious. I’m also great at birthday and Christmas presents without having to be prompted.

DP is grilling bacon as we speak. She’s got a good heart and she’s great at sorting out my computer. She can be a moody sod but she also has a good giggle with me and DS.

We’re all different. Some of us are tossers and some of us are just a little bit of a prick sometimes. Says absolutely bugger all about feminism.

Surely, in an unequal society, a man doing the same as a woman does warrant praise, because he is acting contrary to society's gendered and misogynistic expectations?

Isn't that partly what feminism is about? Freeing women from imposed stereotypes frees everyone from them.

Interesting cross-post with Badstyley!

Equal contribution to domesticity dpes not make up for being a selfish arse.

Maybe it was not the best place for the thread, but I’m glad it was here because I don’t really go on the rest of Mumsnet anymore so wouldn’t have seen it.

The discussion about it reminds me of the song 50/50 by Garfunkel and Oates (which perhaps I saw linked on here before? But I really enjoyed it.)

m.youtube.com/watch?v=YCKpJkplwoU

It's a great thread Charis - thanks for creating it. I'm frequently overwhelmed by evidence that men hate women. It does my head in. This thread is a cheering reminder that NAM is true. Yay for the massed Nigels.

I'm glad you started the threat Charis. It has given me an excuse to say that I am backing off for a while, as while I am a real second-wave feminist and supporter of FWR, particularly its fight for women's rights against a transgender takeover of women's spaces. I need to have time to grieve for my DH who died earlier this month.

Nothing to do with housework etc. as we took sharing for granted. I just wanted somehow to be able to say what a dear soul he was who hadn't a sexist or misogynistic bone in his body, but I feared a not-my-Nigel response if I did.

I am most at home on the FWR boards as that is the only place I really post and your thread has given me the opportunity to pay a tribute to a special man who always had my back.

I hope to return to the boards in due course. Meanwhile, keep up the good fight!

Biology

Sorry for your loss biology

Biologyisreal Sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss biology

I’m so sorry for your loss Biology

Some time ago there was a thread titled "do we hate men?" or something.
And lots of the responses were "yes, I do, I actually do".
Followed by the reasons why.
If I thought I could find it I would.
Plenty of FWR posters admit to hating men.

Sorry for your loss Biology

I really like this thread, not least because many of the posters are showing a world where they and their DH are equal and most of the relationships I know aren't like that. It's good to hear about what it looks like, and it's good to show that men CAN behave like responsible adults and - for example - are not inherently incapable of seeing what needs doing around the house / with childcare and JUST DOING IT like autonomous adults. And prioritising it over their own entertainment / fun.

The attitude that men, as a class, are just a bit shit at housework or childcare and should be excused from the responsibility of it somehow is so insidious. Obviously they're not incapable at all, and I think most of the posters here are not saying they deserve special praise for being decent human beings but simply are thankful for finding partners who treat them as equal and with respect and love. As any man or woman would be.

Anyway, probably not making much sense but just wanted to say I appreciate this thread and have enjoyed reading it. And perhaps the best place isn't FWR but I wouldn't have found it elsewhere either, so glad it's here...

I appreciate the points people are making but I've so valued reading this thread. I don't have a Nigel of my own and I still hope I'll find a nice one one day (but I still have lots to be grateful for as I navigate life on my own too). It can feel a little like the world is full of dickheads so it's always lovely hearing that nice partners exist.

Although Bitoffun I'm so sad to see you've been dealing with cancer. I've been here for many years and there are very few MNers as wonderful as you. I wish you well And of course anyone else here dealing with other horrible things.