Enforcing girls' guilt about sexual assault

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A truly WTAF classroom discussion

www.scarymommy.com/sexual-assault-question-high-school/

Why is the question never: "What does Johnny need to understand in order to avoid committing a sexual assault?"

You can't teach boys not to rape.

You can. I came on to post the link userschmoozer has. That project is producing really positive result. I wonder if we can expect a positive feedback loop as those boys age into the cohort wherebthey have their own children and pass on their own attitudes

Sadly, none of these things stop rape, all they do is raise the odds that the rapist will rape someone other than you. They also work in the same way as wearing a St Christopher protects you when travelling, ie by magical thinking and cognitive bias.

I have sons and I teach them not to rape. I teach them by saying as soon as they can toddle 'if it is someone else's body and they say no then you stop'. This moves on to 'if you think someone doesn't like it then you stop' when they are bigger.

However, whilst I think the link posted is absolutely disgraceful, and as a woman I don't want any woman to be raped, as a mother I am really sorry but sadly if I had to choose I would prefer anyone else was raped apart from my child. That is normal, isn't it? So I will also teach all my children not to walk home alone, careful of their drinks etc.

Gentlygently if every parent can do that with their sons then I think slowly things can start to change. I think what you say about not wanting your DD to be the victim is a normal thought and as parents it's heartbreaking to think it will be somebody else's daughter as rapists will rape

Thanks tellme. I chose the words really deliberately so I can keep the message the same all their lives (but I will move on to enthusiastic consent when they are teenagers). I blame society for the fact I have to do it, but I still want to do my bit.

It’s not victim blaming to say that there are precautionary measures one can take to avoid becoming a victim.

Not have male relatives, not have male friends, not have sexual relationships with men, not live with men, not work with men. I think that covers the actual things that might reduce your chances of being raped. If your partner is a rapist, walking down dark alleys rather than being at home on your own sofa is probably safer.

And of course men can be taught not to rape. Happens in many cultures, some of which have been mentioned above. They are also taught TO rape by porn, abuse and violence at home, mass culture and misogyny.

not have sexual relationships with men

I'm coming to the conclusion that a lot of men think a sexual desire of men is disgusting. It makes women weak, pitiable and vulnerable to men in a way no (straight) man would make himself. I think this is why men often react with victim blaming. Why would you make yourself willingly vulnerable to a man like that ? Men trust other men very little which is why they come over all protective of their daughters.

I'm coming to the conclusion that a lot of men think a sexual desire of men is disgusting

I think there's something to that, but it's not like men respect it when women don't desire men. A lot of men are very invested in attacking lesbians, and the existence of lesbian sexuality.