Men providing intimate care in childcare

[DidYouMeanToBeSoRudolph]

I run a nursery and in the past, I've faced situations where parents have asked that male members of staff refrain from carrying out intimate care for their children or change them from wet/dirty clothes. I've always said that we have safeguarding policies in place that means that all staff members aren't left on their own with children, the toilets are in the middle of the nursery which means that the staff members are visible when they're assisting children etc to protect all the children from all teachers and that we can't accommodate specifying certain members of staff not being able to do certain things because of their sex or any other reason. I've never had anyone decide to withdraw their child because of this, although they'd obviously be within their rights to find somewhere else if they weren't happy.

Over the past 10 years, at various settings, we've always had at least one man in the team and I think having men in the workforce is valuable for the children. However, have I been handling this right? I wouldn't expect an adult woman not to be able to choose the sex of their intimate care provider so am I wrong to deny parents the chance to exercise this choice on behalf of their children?

I don't think I am but am doubting myself.

Before anyone complains:
Nothing against remote rural places, I love them in theory, but my experience moving from a big city to a more remote place was that people were extremely conservative and had very strange ideas about gender roles. Like traveling 50 years into the past.

I think the point is Hestia that this is a specific nursery with specific safe guarding policies.

I wrong to deny parents the chance to exercise this choice on behalf of their children?

Yes. If a mother doesn't want a man providing initimate care for her child, she shouldn't have to give reasons, her wishes should be respected. And there are female toddlers who wouldn't want a man changing them.

If a mother doesn't want a man providing initimate care for her child, she shouldn't have to give reasons, her wishes should be respected

The problem is that timetabling and resources might make that difficult. I think the main thing is that the OP should be honest about what can and can't be provided, and then the parent can choose whether they want to use the OP's services.

Generally speaking your rules and safeguarding around this are fine, but you should also be able to accommodate such a request if asked to. Obviously you would need to have a conversation around why. My DD is autistic and was always really afraid of any new men she met as a toddler, so I wouldn’t have wanted her to be forced to have a male change her. There are ways to work with parents on these issues. It’s particularly important in the case of abused children. Even in animal rescue they often require females to attend because many strays have been abused and always by men.