How common is enforced hugging and is it always blokes trying to hug women?

[2rebecca]

We currently have the Ted Baker founder and now the office party strangler "hugger" in the news. I'm glad I've never had to cope with enforced hugging at work. If anyone does hug me it's usually a patient with dementia, learning difficulties or going through an emotional crisis. Not a colleague and don't recall a male superior trying to hug me when I was younger.
Is this common in offices? How is it still acceptable for men in positions of power to force women to be hugged? Do women ever force themselves on their employees or colleagues like this?
Maybe the Ted Baker company was alone in being stuck in a sexist creepy time warp. I hope so and that this isn't common in offices.

I don't know but I'm glad I've never worked anywhere that people routinely hugged. I don't even like being hugged by most friends and relatives.

When I was at university I had a job in a local city hotel, and the concierge (50ish year old man) used to trap me in their side room and not let me leave until I hugged him.

Other than that, I don't think I've had another forced hugger, but I can see how it happens.

i have dound over the years that screeching "NO TOUCHY!!!!" gets the message across effectively

No fucking touchy, mate

The worst hugger on my team is a woman. She insists on hugging everyone. All the time. No direct comments, hints or complaints have made any difference nor has back the fuck off

There is a hugging man too but he took the hint when I went rigid at the first sign of him approaching.

To be honest though most of the men I work with are too considerate to think hugging is appropriate between colleagues. The women however seem to think it's their right to touch others without permission. So in my experience women are a bigger problem when it comes to boundaries.

I had a customer in a shop I worked in hug me. I don’t recall anyone else in a work situation hug me when I didn’t want to be hugged thankfully.
Obviously there have been other situations where I’ve been kissed/touched inappropriately but not at work.

I remember my ExH’s boss grabbing me and giving me a hug. I went rigid. Other people in the room actually commented, with great amusement, at the look of horror on my face. I never let the bastard put another finger on me after that, and he was a bastard.

Yeah, bullshit hugging.

Last time a guy tired to hug me I said 'no thanks'

I had a big shock at my workplace with how huggy it is. Thankfully, the only people who have tried has been women. Only once has it been a woman that I hate and who hates me. How is a hug ever an answer to a workplace problem?

However, I prefer it to previous offices where the aim of the game was to make me feel as bad as possible for not being like them.

No one hugs in my workplace but at a social event there are a few who would go around the whole table when they arrive giving everyone a hug and a kiss, then when they leave, go all the way round again. I just wave goodbye.

We have a female hugger at work. She's a very vocal feminist and a stickler for inclusion and minority rights but she just doesn't get that not everyone wants to be hugged.

Oh yeah. When I worked in a pub this lecherous older bloke used to park himself in the bar opening so I had to squeeze past him to get in and out. He’d often wait until I was on my way back with hands full of glasses then not let me past until I gave him a kiss I got the fucker though. After he initiated a really fun game of “who can chuck an ice cube down the barmaid’s top” I lost my shit, went down to the cellar and filled up a bucket with ice. Went back up and when he was stood with his back turned I dumped it down the back of his trousers.

I’ve also got a friend’s husband who is a hugger. We’ve agreed it’s better that he doesn’t touch me, after I went completely rigid and shouted “I DONT FUCKING DO HUGS EWWWWWWWW”.

Work though, as in the professional job I’ve been doing for the last 11 years? Nope, never had anyone force a hug on me. My male boss hugged me when I had a miscarriage and that’s it. It’s a company with a very respectful environment and I really enjoy it.

Actually the workplace is quite huggy all round, but only the women. I dont think ive ever worked with a male hugger, although have known a few men who were a bit too touchy feely.

I had a medical professional feel me up under the pretence of hugging me once in my early 20s. It wouldn’t happen now - not only would he be less keen, but also I wouldn’t let him.

Had to ward off an over enthusiastic 6th form pupil hugger in my first year of teaching but few problems since then.

Oh yes both those people were men.

One of our suppliers is a hugger (and a cheek smacker). He doesn’t hug me because I once has a honking cold and a huge cold sore and he came in for a hug so I swerved him and said ‘you really don’t want to get too close’ - I think he took it as a warning!

I’m not too keen - and I am a dreadful hugger with my friends and family. It just doesn’t seem professional at work.

huggers I have known have been women. one at work.

Nope never where I've worked and I've always worked in property which is completely male dominated. Maybe my resting 'fuck off' face helps

I have noticed DD(9) tensing up when an adult she doesn't know well leans down for a hug. I have told her that she does not have to hug anyone, and if an adult is approaching for a hug and she doesn't want to, just extend her right hand with a smile.

I was definitely not taught I didn't have to hug family friends. I don't remember it being a problem, but I think it's part of the accommodating women do, and I want DD to have the tools to avoid it without an issue.

Our most obnoxious hugger is a woman. Nice colleague, very good at her job, but I avoid her physical proximity like the plague - which tends to be a tad difficult seeing as she's my PA. (And, no, I've never contemplated replacing her, she really is stellar at her job - somewhat ironically this includes briefing my appointments on the fact that I'm really not a tactile type .)

We do have some dedicated air kissers, though, which I hate about as much, and they're all men.

Yes.

A woman I know who works in London high up in some capacity once posed the query about enforced kisses when meeting clients, colleagues, business people etc. She pointed out they don't do it to the men. Just her.

you mentioned it while we were staying in Cumbria for the weekend at our kilted friend's house once. I know you're here 👀-- 👊-- I get it now

Mind you, a few older, very loud female colleagues insist on huge squeezes out of the blue but it's no where near as intimidating.

When I was younger there was lots of men who would like a quick hug 🤢 I didn’t know how to deal with it all

No I would ask them wtf do you think you are doing

Saying that have hugged at work but it’s been spontaneous not a chance to rub up against someone

I think a spontaneous hug with someone you know in response to an emotional event is different to people expecting hugs as greetings from strangers or acquaintances especially those of the opposite sex.
I used to hate having to kiss and hug extended relatives as a child and never made my son do it. If he chose to give someone a hug or kiss that's different.
Is that supposed to be a coded message to someone neurotrash? I find crossed out comments confusing.

I’ve developed a block technique that turns an incoming hug into a hi five.

If they don’t abort the hug to mirror my incoming 5 it results in me slapping them (and getting away with it).

It’s a win-win solution.