Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Thank you FWR regulars and a bit more guidance if you would...

17 replies

IBlameJulieBindel · 10/12/2018 13:35

Hello all,

Some of you may recall I posted (different username) a few months ago to ask for ideas for a new surname. I wanted a surname that was not my husband's and not my fathers as it had become increasingly important to me to be named as 'myself', not as an appendage or member of some other male's family (preparing to be rained on with boulders and pitchforks from folks who find my personal feeling this insulting - this isn't talking to you!).
So, I thought and thought, chose a name, and I been and gone and done it today! I'd love to let you know what it is (it was inspired by one of your replies). It took a lot of discussion with husband who found that he wasn't the easy-going liberal new male that he prides himself on being, so it took a bit of letting him 'grieve' (as he put it) before I jumped name. He recognised that to give me more personal power he needed to cede some of his, but man, that did not come easy. (Surprised me a bit as he spends absolutely ages on women's right stuff - guess it all comes out when they have to give up some of their own entitlement).
So, thank you very much all for your time and ideas back then. Much appreciated.

Mini second request of you if you would: can I please have suggestions on how to style out telling people (particularly professionally). I'd much rather not get into a 'no I'm not divorced, no it's not my maiden name, I made it up to break free of the patriarchy' discussion. I also don't want to lie and imply it's a maiden or family name as that's not my bag either. I want to be able to graciously and non defensively simply give the information and find a way of closing the discussion without seeming snippy or leaving people feeling annoyed. Any ideas? So far I've got:

  1. The HMRC were drawing in for the overpayments.
  2. MY tax evasion is catching up with me
  3. I'm in witness protection
  4. I used to work in a drug cartel and I name change every fifth year since I got out of the slammer.

Anything an improvement on that, much appreciated.

OP posts:
sackrifice · 10/12/2018 13:38

'i won a game of spin the bottle'

Congratulations on your shiny new name.

BernardBlacksWineIcelolly · 10/12/2018 13:41

'I'm name fluid'

well done you

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 10/12/2018 13:44

Congratulations!

How do you feel about just owning it?

I have changed my surname for work and it's very liberating!

Somerville · 10/12/2018 13:53

I think for telling people I’d keep it short and sweet “please note my change of email address as I have changed my surname. I’d appreciate you updating my details - new name and email address in your records, many thanks.” I don’t think it’s anyone’s business why you changed it, and loads of people won’t think twice about those reasons anyway. A lot of the kind of people who would think twice about it are the same type who might struggle to understand your reasons even if you did explain.

Micke · 10/12/2018 14:00

Fantastic - I'm so glad you're happy :)

I'd just say that you felt like a change.

This reminds me very much of the day I took a day off work, just because I felt like it, and everyone had to kind of shake their heads because they (and I, previously) had only taken days off when we had a reason - so just saying 'well, I wanted a day off' was liberating.

newtlover · 10/12/2018 16:46

do what Somerville said and then if anyone asks just say
'it's for personal reasons'
I think that will shit most people up
(it won't stop them wondering though)
if they persist, just say
'like I said, it's personal'
congratulations, by the way, I have known 2 women do this

newtlover · 10/12/2018 16:47

er, SHUT most people up!

ScrimshawTheSecond · 10/12/2018 18:57

Ooh, brilliant! I'm really impressed with this and would like to hear more.

I would like to make a name that both honoured my family(ies) and rejected patriarchal naming patterns.

Can I ask more about how you went about choosing/finding a name, please?

IBlameJulieBindel · 10/12/2018 20:45

I asked FWR, and you provided 😉 (re how I found it). Happy to answer any questions x

OP posts:
JellySlice · 10/12/2018 21:14

"Because I wanted to. So, how are the children?"

"Because I wanted to. Anyway, about that contract..."

OlennasWimple · 10/12/2018 21:18

Yes, do what Somerville suggests.

though it's fun thinking of alternative reasons that you would never use...

How about you lost a bet? Or were paid to do it? (There was a rugby player who changed his name to Paddy Power a few years back to help circumvent rules on advertising bookies at a world rugby tournament)

Or it's the new dawning of the age of Aquarius so your religion compels you to re-birth and create yourself afresh?

Iused2BanOptimist · 10/12/2018 21:40

the day I took a day off work, just because I felt like it, and everyone had to kind of shake their heads because they (and I, previously) had only taken days off when we had a reason - so just saying 'well, I wanted a day off' was liberating.

I don't know where you work Micke but if I took a day off and said it was just because I felt like it I would find myself permanently liberated. Confused

sackrifice · 10/12/2018 22:14

don't know where you work Micke but if I took a day off and said it was just because I felt like it I would find myself permanently liberated.

I take days as and when I want them with no explanation, it is called 'annual leave'.

PreseaCombatir · 11/12/2018 07:53

I’m assuming she means booked the day off, but without a specific reason, not just didn’t turn up?!?

PreseaCombatir · 11/12/2018 07:54

Congrats you n the new name OP!

BettyDuMonde · 11/12/2018 08:46

You got absolutely hammered and woke up with half a kebab and a freshly signed deed poll on your pillow?

IBlameJulieBindel · 11/12/2018 19:11

Good God, Betty, that’s a clear winner! Although sadly, the name is not nearly amusing enough for a kebab tale.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page