Luke and Ryan Hart coercive control awareness

[ArkeNOTen]

twitter.com/cocoawareness/status/1071377590429081600?s=21

These two guys are continuing to amaze me (the back story is their dad murdered their mum and sister when she finally decided to divorce him after decades of abuse)

I hope they continue to talk to boys and men about their realisation of so many truths. I don’t know how they became so self aware but respect to whoever helped them to come out of the other side of this.

Just now: ‘Even the ‘caring’ and ‘providing’ nature of masculinity is nothing more than the reduction of others to a position of dependency followed by self-interested philanthropy. Behind it lies the persistent desire to control’

I admire the Harts and David Challen - they're motivated advocates for awareness of coercive control.

I've just realised that Luke and Ryan Hart are in the Mumsnet video on coercive control:

Luke and Ryan Hart are amazing young men who are getting an enormous amount of flack from other men. You know, the kind of men who think that because they'd "never do it" themselves, it's nothing to do with them. The kind of men you wouldn't really want anywhere near you if you had the choice.

David Challen, Luke & Ryan Hart have so much to share with other men and so much to teach them if only the ego would allow the NAMALT shield to drop long enough to allow their words, ideas, and experiences to get through.

They are amazing. I'm so sorry for their loss.

They are wonderful young men

They are indeed amazing young men, so much insight and wisdom and I so much admire their desire to raise awareness and not let victims die in vain, including their mum and sister. I am sorry to hear they are getting flack, though.

I was not aware of David Challen, I will make myself aware now.

Talk about turning adversity into a positive. They are extraordinary, a real credit to their mum

David Challen, Luke and Ryan Hart were interviewed for this: The Deadly Cost Of Toxic Masculinity: Meet The Young Men Raising Awareness of 'Coercive Control'

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/meet-the-young-men-who-are-taking-up-the-fight-against-domestic-abuse_uk_5bfb2dbbe4b0771fb6ba3064

What always comes across to me is just how much they loved and respected their mum and sister.

They talk about their mum and sister a lot, not just about the man who killed them.

The perpetrator (as they call him) couldn't destroy that.

People like Luke and Ryan Hart, David Challen and Sammy Woodhouse are taking on the fight for real change, not just platitudes. I admire them hugely.

They get abuse for what they do?? Wow.

I really admire them. So sorry they are receiving abuse for their work.

To add to arranbubonicplague's comment, we did indeed feature the Harts in our first ever documentary, released a few days ago in association with Women's Aid and Surrey Police.

It's about coercive control, and features several survivors, including the Hart bothers. The courage of all them have to talk about what they went through on is remarkable.

Do give it a watch if you can:

I'm not surprised that they receive abuse. A minor example:

I used to do a lot of online gaming. I think we all know of the sort of abuse and harassment women receive online, there.

I've been witness to incidents. Men have stood up for and supported those women. They've been called 'white knights', an insult. They've been mocked, verbally attacked and their masculinity questioned (though at the same time accused of defending a women only so they can sleep with her). When I've spoken out I've been called a white knight myself until I've revealed I'm female (in online gaming the default is male).

Basically, there are men out there who would sneer at the likes of Luke and Ryan and react with hostility simply because they treat women like human beings and want to honour the memories of their mother and sister.

These young men are a constant source of inspiration.

I remember reading about the murders of their mother and sister. What a terrible tragedy. I wish them all the best.

It really gives me hope to see men stepping up and doing this. Patrick Stewart talks about it too: www.theguardian.com/society/2018/dec/04/domestic-violence-abuse-patrick-stewart-david-challen-hart-brothers

I've just read Operation Lighthouse, their book about those dreadful events. Well worth a read.

Men kill women to control them. Women kill men to escape them

Yes

Thanks @Joshmumsnet

How can men be persuaded to listen to Stewart, Challen, the Harts, Katz etc.?

Very few people would be willing to admit to themselves or anyone else that they exert coercive control or aren't justified in their actions. It's like the Dumbo phenomenon:

“I found myself remembering the day in kindergarten when the teachers showed us Dumbo, and I realized for the first time that all the kids in the class, even the bullies, rooted for Dumbo, against Dumbo's tormentors. Invariably they laughed and cheered, both when Dumbo succeeded and when bad things happened to his enemies. But they're you, I thought to myself. How did they not know? They didn't know. It was astounding, an astounding truth. Everyone thought they were Dumbo.”
Elif Batuman, The Idiot