dating and sex

[SandraTheBee]

I am dipping my toe back into the dating world after a very long time single.
I am really saddened to see that there are so many books, websites etc that recommend that women hold off having sex or else the man will think them too easy . That women shouldn't be needy. All of them treat women like idiots.
So many of the tired old ideas being peddled about men needing to chase women and not wanting and easy catch.
I can't believe this shit is still being spouted.
I was rather hoping that things would have moved on a bit in the last 20 years.

I think in many ways a lot of this well intentioned advice such as waiting for sex and not appearing to be too needy etc can be useful to take on board from the standpoint of self preservation. (I for one wish to avoid placing myself in unnecessarily vulnerable situations) Not as a way of impressing on a man, outdated notions of one’s supposed purity or morals. Rather as a rough guide to coming out of the situation hopefuly satisified, and unscathed at the least. But I don’t take it seriously in terms of how men or society may or may not choose to view women who make whatever choices they make with their own bodies.
I do think that some of these dating rule books and sites and a number of YouTube channels infantilise, and are patronising towards women though.
A lot of this material operates on such premises as “keeping him interested” and “ensuring that second date” “why men pull away”etc. This stuff is absolute twaddle to my mind. I’m only interested in the advice about reading the intentions of others, how to date safely, how to be clear about your boundaries and such.

Maybe these outdated books just haven't got any competition. It would be a fine thing if there were a book like "A Feminist's Guide to (Heterosexual) Dating". Featuring headings like "How to tell if he hates women" or "You have to do it eventually: the first time you go to his home alone, or he comes to yours" or "Who mentions sex first, and what's the script?"

And "Your imperfect body, and his". And something about money, who pays for things, what to do if one of you is much more prosperous than the other. Hey, this really could be a book.