Help me with a 'Witty Reply' to shut DP down.

[SongforSal]

Firstly. Dp is very intelligent in certain areas. However, he is awkward socially, and has a horrible tendency to play 'Devils Advocate', which often results in rather inflammatory debates.

Today I saw red.

DP: What are you listening to?

Me: It's an old programme about the legalised sex workers in the red light district up north. I really feel for them being in a vicious cycle of having to take drugs to to what they do, and the dependency on drugs to drive them to sell themselves.

DP: you MEANT to say 'Vicious Circle'. NOT 'Cycle'.

Me; Vicious Cycle is a noun. It is the same thing. Did you hear what I said about these women?

DP: You said the wrong word. But whatever. I don't want to piss of a feminist.

Me; What has Feminism got to do with anything?

DP; You said the wrong word. But whatever. Don't blame me for the actions of all men.

Me; What are you actually talking about?

DP; If you are going to put a point across. Use the right word. Every one knows it is called a vicious circle...NOT cycle.

Annnnnyway.........DP has a way of not actually listening, whilst also being very inflammatory. My words clearly aren't working. How can I shut him down so he actually listens?

I know people always say this but he really does sound like he might have autism! (3 aspies in my family)

I think in that example he has shut the conversation down. The only response is 'okay' or 'mmm' I wouldn't engage any further.

He sounds like a complete arsehole - no idea how you live with that?!

He sounds horrible. Not merely being a benign or obsessive pedant but adding nasty little digs to provoke and belittle you. LTB.

I've always said vicious cycle. It sounds right.
He's a twat.
Leave him.

What a charmer he is.

Ugh, so you make a valid comment about the difficulties women in the sex industry face and his response is to police your language (wrongly) and make snarky remarks about feminism to shut you down. It is manipulative. What you don’t do is defend your wording or get into a debate about whether you are a feminist or he is pissing you off - all distractions from the serious point you were making and the fact that you were watching a programme which really needs no input from him.

He is undermining you and belittling your concern for other women, and indeed their experiences.

It is not something I would find attractive, really. You don’t need to put up with this just because he has been there half your life.

Pedantry is crashingly dull and unsexy.

This one.

I'm going to be using this lots from now on

“Fuck off, ya red-nosed bastard!” is witty enough.

'When I say something intelligent and meaningful about something I care about, it seems to upset you. Maybe it makes you feel unsettled or intimidated. You seem to need to then try and make me feel stupid by pointing out something unrelated that you think I've got 'wrong'. Or make sarcastic comments. That's pretty weird isn't it? Do you want to talk about it?'

Maybe say, "Thanks very much, I'll put your name in for Pedant of the Month. But really I'm more concerned about these poor women who can't get out of prostitution and drugs. And you might be a little concerned too, if you'd think about the men who keep the whole business running. Care to say anything about them? Use whatever words you like."

Oh. You’ve touched on something which is making him very uncomfortable for whatever reason, so he’s trying to shut you down by making you feel stupid. Not very good, is it?

I don't know if it's witty enough but "here's the divorce papers, don't let the door bang you on the arse on the way out" would work for me.

Well it is vicious circle........just saying 😁

I doubt you can reply as he just wants ti be right...start to journal what and when this happens. It will help you see a pattern.
I think its about shutting you down.

I’d start purposely saying everything incorrectly around him. Wind him up and warch him go, then have a good smirk to myself about it.

If he wants to be a pedantic wanker, let him be one. Just make sure he doesn’t drag you down with him.

So hows this going to work?
Are you going to ask him to repeat what he said last night, then you say your bit, then he says his then you crush him with the best witty response you've received on here?
Hasn't the moment gone on this one? Surely a witty reply has to be quick and off the cuff?
He does sound on the spectrum btw.

Brazen that would be hilarious.

I'd give a good long head tilt, with a Paddington stare, before going "anywaaaaaaaaaaay"

Or " that's nice dear"

And carry on with the important bit of what you were saying.

Yeah, your dp is a twat. That's all.

I was thinking about this. Life is really too short for this kind of nonsense. It has taken me years to realise we don’t have to do the nice female thing of being kind to a man who wants us to be. We just have to be self-sufficient so we are able to choose which men we want to be nice to.

LTB

I feel your pain, I get similar. So shit. I generally avoid discussing anything beyond the functional, family life, work etc. Don't know what the long term solution is but its horrid when you say something and the response is a criticism of what you've said rather than a response. The other one I get a lot is just 'we don't have time to discuss this, or not while the kids are here etc'. i.e. shutting down discussions of my choosing.

Grew up with 4 brothers. Don’t show that you’re stressed, just shrug ur shoulders and say something like ‘ok Mr Pompous’. Then tease him or say sarcastically, ‘but do please enlighten me with your thoughts on the subject’. People usually can’t stand being laughed at.

But seriously if u’re that mad at him for saying it, maybe it’s coz other bits of ur relationship are tough? My DH usually plays the look sad, feel-sorry-for-me card and says ‘oh I suppose I’m just not very good/clever’ and I give him a hug - which de-escalates things.

Ltb

He's just feeding his own ego by diverting you into his pedantry.

He is not listening to you and your opinions, he is trying to dominate you and shut down your opinion by focusing on a single word that you did not actually get wrong.

Save yourself some time and agony, and ltb.