Y3 child asked me how people can change sex

[WrongSideOfHistory]

How would you have responded to this??

I started off saying that boys can't really become girls, and girls can't really become boys, but sometimes people can have surgery to change their bodies to try to look like the opposite sex.

Then he asked what kind of surgery and I think I might have traumatised him...

I appreciate that Wrongside. You didn't go into detail.

But I think even the mention of it, with hindsight, you will probably decide was not best.

You may be right. It's a real minefield trying to figure out how much information to give, and how appropriate the information is.

The sex/gender debate is tricky enough for some adults to deal with...

Oblomov, I think the problem here, the central problem with the whole shitfest going on at the moment, is that society has placed OP in this position (whether via the school inviting representatives of Mermaids in to give lessons, or via CBBC screening programmes on children socially transitioning).

OP is then in an impossible situation - collude with the lie, or expose her child to the truth, which although truthful, is probably one that in an ideal world she would have waited several more years before discussing.

It's similar to pornography. The knowledge that most of his classmates have smart phones, some with no parental control, and that some of his classmates are already exhibiting highly dubious, misogynistic behaviour patterns which suggest they're being exposed to stuff they shouldn't be, means I have had to talk to DS about porn even though I think he's too young - simply because society as it is currently constituted has taken away from me the option of leaving that discussion to a more age appropriate time.

society has placed OP in this position (whether via the school inviting representatives of Mermaids in to give lessons, or via CBBC screening programmes on children socially transitioning)

OP is then in an impossible situation - collude with the lie, or expose her child to the truth

YY to all this. As it is sounds like OP answered in the only way possible, I think, to direct questions.

And let’s be honest, children are MORE likely to ask about the genitals thing wrt trans because they’re not yet socialised to know it’s considered an impolite question. I’ve lost track of the number of articles I’ve read from trans women that say “don’t ask what’s in my pants” and on one level of course that’s absolutely fine and right - personal body issues aren’t up for general conversation. But it IS relevant if your sex is determined by your sex organs and you’re insisting you’re REALLY a woman/man. Because it’s a lie.

So there’s no good way not to discuss it.

I’m a teacher at a not-especially “woke” school. I have been told by very bright year 8 children:

• But some boys might really be girls.
• Men can have babies now, can’t they?
• You can take pills to make you change ... sex? Or is it gender?

society has placed OP in this position (whether via the school inviting representatives of Mermaids in to give lessons, or via CBBC screening programmes on children socially transitioning)

I'm not sure I'd have given a better answer than the OP to an 8-year-old if I was presented with that question out of the blue.

But regarding the question of what you should tell them, I would answer 'the truth'. Nobody can change sex, but everyone should be free to wear anything they want or enjoy any activities, regardless of sex.

If schools are teaching children that they can change sex, they should be pulled up on it, because it's a lie, a fiction, and it is not the school's place to indoctrinate children with lies.

Mermaids etc. want children to believe that they can change sex, because it gives credence to their propaganda. If this is allowed to continue we will see more children who are 'trapped in the wrong body'.

If children believe they can really change sex, more of them will think that they want to. If they understand it's not actually an option, they are more likely to be able to overcome whatever they don't like about being the sex they are and live happily in the body they have. Especially if we work to eliminate gender stereotypes.

I agree Fermats.
We find ourselves in this ridiculous situation of bright 8 year olds asking : about transitioning and if a female can become a male? Changing sex.

Frightening. So wrong.

HipTightOnions
Do you know where these children have got these ideas from? I assume from what you say that this hasn't come from the school, so where did they get this from? Did you ask them why they thought those things?

We're abroad, where primary school kids aren't "woke" (YouTube influences older kids but parents tend to be more cautious about technology so not 7 - 8 year olds).

My 7 year old's questions were informed by information about clownfish ...

So it's not purely wokeness, kids have always asked kid-logical questions provoked by partial information, especially at the age where they realise that some but not all specific information is generalisable.

OldCrone
Some of it is coming from school. We don’t (yet) have a trans policy but the subject has been discussed (and presented by at least one outside speaker) in what seems to be a rather ad hoc way. I don’t know the extent of it and I don’t know what they’ve been formally taught in PSHE.

I’m starting to raise the subject with colleagues but it’s not easy. I have been galvanised by what I’ve read here though!

And yes, I asked them, but they were clearly confused. As we have no policy and this issue has never been discussed by staff I was wary of jumping in too deeply. I did tell them that men can’t have babies and it’s not possible to change sex though. It’s strange that even these felt like risky things to say!

I think I’m a bit blunt. I just said its not possible and people shouldn’t be forced to try because of their interests/clothes etc.

I’m starting to raise the subject with colleagues but it’s not easy. I have been galvanised by what I’ve read here though!

Please do. Stonewall and Mermaids are relying on a generation of children being brainwashed into thinking that they can change sex, and more of them being medicated as a result. The more children are damaged by this, the harder it will be to fight it, because it will look as though we are fighting the children who have been damaged, when in fact they are the victims of this toxic ideology.

So my Y4 daughter has been briefed. She asked me what a trans was. I told her that in the majority of adult cases a trans is an adult man in a dress who says he is a woman but is not as was born male. I told her if i dressed up as a squirrel it wouldn’t make me a squirrel. I also told her it is impossible to change your biological sex and it is impossible to be born in the wrong body. I told her that if anyone tells her otherwise she is being lied to and needs to let me know.

I would go along with those who advocate telling children the truth about this (and lots of other things, btw).

It is impossible for people to change sex. If you are a boy, when you grow up you will be a man; if you are a girl, you will grow up to be a woman. If you were a girl when you were born and you grow up, you will be a woman when you die. Hopefully an old woman, but, yes, a woman. No sex change possible.

Just the same as when/if children, as they do, come across stories about other strange beliefs. Some people think they were somebody else in a past life; interesting story perhaps, but, no not even possibly true.

Gruffalo, good story, useful moral; but actually not true.

Rama rescuing Sita from 10-headed demon King Ravana with the help of Hanuman and his monkey army; fine story, good festival associated with it, maybe helps us think/do good things, but not actually true.

What about people who think they lived as an Egyptian pharaoh? Or tell you that 10-headed demons are real ?Well, there are many ways we need to be kind to other people, even if they do believe strange things. None of those ways involve us accepting silly things as true when we know they are not. Changing sex is one of those silly things some people think they believe.

(Father Christmas is a tricky one sometimes, of course. I suppose we have strategies in place for him, though. And it would be strange in the extreme to connect belief in Father Christmas with belief in the possibility of changing sex. No genuine conflict here, in other words.)

My teen DD has a transchild at her school. (My DD isn't emotionally all that mature so I tend to have to have discussions on a 'lower' level than her actual age.)
I said that you can't actually change sex, but that some people think they will be happier if they are treated as if they were the opposite sex/gender. So it is nice to be nice and call them by their preferred name/pronoun. However being nice to them doesn't come at the expense of girls' & boys' rights to single sex spaces and privacy and safety.

I also told her it is impossible to change your biological sex and it is impossible to be born in the wrong body. I told her that if anyone tells her otherwise she is being lied to and needs to let me know

This will be my line when the time comes...