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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

I don't know where to put this

18 replies

HowDidIGetThisSoWrong · 21/11/2018 10:59

I need a handhold I guess. A male friend from my uni days just posted a "Transwomen are Women" article on his social media page and I responded in the comments with "except when they're not and are abusing womens rights to safe places". What followed was an onslaught of abuse from all his fb friends and even an order from him to not make transphobic comments on his page.

What has me feeling shaky though, is we met late one night when I was at uni. I had just been sexually assaulted in the bathrooms by a gender bending "friend " of a friend and he helped me get myself together and walked me home even though it was raining, to make sure I got home safe. I feel utterly betrayed by his post and subsequent response to me, I even commented again saying survivors of sexual assault shouldn't be denied their sex based rights. I've been called every name under the sun by his friends and he did nothing to defend me. I'm feeling so disillusioned right now. What has happened to people that its become acceptable to abuse sexual assault survivors in order to show how woke and accepting you are?

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Serfisafleur · 21/11/2018 11:03

Fuck him. Reply along the lines
"You'll grow up one day, and realise that abusing women for standing up for women's rights to same-sex spaces is abhorrent and makes you a misogynistic bully. I won't be around to see you grow up. Sorry it's come to this"
And just block.

Karwomannghia · 21/11/2018 11:05

I would message him privately and tell him how he and his friends have made you feel, especially after your attack and then tell him to go fuck himself.

HowDidIGetThisSoWrong · 21/11/2018 11:06

I typed some thing along those lines, I'm just feeling really shaken as he was one of the few men I know who I thought was a "good man".

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UpstartCrow · 21/11/2018 11:07

I think what you are seeing is how those men really want to treat women, and that they will use any excuse to do it. Flowers

Do they have anything to say to other men who abuse trans people? I doubt it, its difficult to challenge something when you are guilty of it yourself.

Karwomannghia · 21/11/2018 11:10

He is probably speaking from a place of ignorance and has been converted. He thinks he is being good.
You were brave to put that as the reaction generally is a torrent of abuse.

HowDidIGetThisSoWrong · 21/11/2018 11:10

Most of his friends calling me a hateful bigot and a transphobe were women. Women who claimed that it was unreasonable for sexual assault survivors to be wary of males, that I was being ludicrous and ignorant and intent on spreading hate. I feel so let down.

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HowDidIGetThisSoWrong · 21/11/2018 11:13

I don't think I want to be "brave" again. I genuinley thought he would understand where I was coming from. Instead I got accused of being a pervert who wants to look at people's genitals while they use the loo. I think delete and block is my best resonse, but it feels like I'm backinf down and saying they were right

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Xiaoxiong · 21/11/2018 11:33

I got that reaction on FB when I posted that academics should not be receiving hate mail or suffering campaigns to get them fired for studying anything relating to transgender issues after that chap was defunded at Bath Spa. An avalanche of comments and DMs about how I was supporting trans hatred. The only people that stood up for me were the right wing ones who didn't care what people said to them and are pro free speech in all circumstances. It was really upsetting how many of my left wing friends were either silent, or actively supporting no-platforming and saying that doing any research at all was transphobic. I also got men telling me that I should just accept that transwomen are not a threat in toilets, that women should just all get along, that I was being really mean, etc.

I no longer post on FB about it and just talk to friends about it in person, who, amazingly, are almost all GC but didn't feel able to stand up for me on social media.

HowDidIGetThisSoWrong · 21/11/2018 11:36

Its awful, isn't it? I feel like the world's gone mad. Never thought I'd have anything in common with right wingers, yet here we are...

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Danaquestionseverything · 21/11/2018 11:36

OP you are not backing down if you decide to block. You are a brave survivor, your self care comes first. I'm sorry that a person you thought would be understanding has turned on you like this.

VickyEadie · 21/11/2018 11:39

I got piled on for merely querying an outrageous statement on a relative's FB page (TWs have no advantage over women in sport, apparently) and had to block in the end.

HowDidIGetThisSoWrong · 21/11/2018 11:45

Thank you everyone. Feel like I can breathe a bit better now xxx

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R0wantrees · 21/11/2018 11:45

HowDidIGetThisSoWrong

recent speech from Leeds:

"Karen Ingala Smith, Woman's Place UK. CEO of a women's sector NGO with 27 years experience of providing specialist services to women. Founder of Counting Dead Women (recording and commemorating all UK women killed by men or where a man is the principle suspect/perpetrator)."

Women's Place UK recently won the Emma Humphies group prize.

What's happened to you both in the past being sexually assaulted by a male, and now is awful. Flowers

You are brave, still brave & will continue to be (in whatever way is best for you)

traceyracer · 21/11/2018 13:13

might be best if you were no longer FB friends?

MyMPFinallyReplied · 21/11/2018 13:42

The one thing I've found shuts these woke dude bros up is asking them if they consider trans women to be women for dating purposes - the answer is pretty much always no. But of course that's different.....

BernardBlacksWineIcelolly · 21/11/2018 13:57

You are as allowed to be outraged about your friend's views as he is about yours.

I'd message him privately and tell him how much him blindly believing TWAW has upset you, and also calling you transphobic. It's not Ok to throw around horrible accusations like that. ask for an apology.

as for his friends, who gives a shit about what a bunch of randoms think? easier said than done, but try to put them from your mind

Flowers
GrimDamnFanjo · 21/11/2018 14:03

Experienced this too. Complete pile on, called a bigot etc etc. Bloody scary.

SignMeUp · 21/11/2018 17:17

Getting piled on is awful. Flowers

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