MRAs v Domestic Violence Film: TW

[nails2018]

This article from the Independent is fascinating because the film maker is a man and he got just as much abuse and 'whataboutery' as a woman would. As he says, the MRAs are so invested in their narrative of denial, that they will attack anyone who lays bare the facts of male violence against women.

“You can tell these are well-worn accusations and insults. A lot of people thought I was a woman even though I had my real name. They would say I hate men even though I am a man. They have a narrative they are so bought into that they will ignore anything which goes against it and appropriate or twist anything into making them right.”
He argued some of the vicious commenters would go through “mental gymnastics” in the attempt to vilify him for making the film. "It is akin to asking a cancer charity why are you not trying to cure HIV. Male violence against women is a specific problem,” he said

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/domestic-violence-backlash-trolls-if-love-hurts-white-ribbon-day-peter-giblin-a8630476.html?amp&twitterr_impression=true

"It is akin to asking a cancer charity why are you not trying to cure HIV. Male violence against women is a specific problem,” he said

It's one of the reasons that Jackson Katz's TED talk is so useful. It explores why DV is a men's issue rather than a women's issue.

Jackson Katz's TED talk;
www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue

Oh yes, katz's talk is brilliant. I think that is when I first realised that the phrase 'violence against women' was missing a crucial word - 'male'.

I guess you may know of www.wehuntedthemammoth.com David Futrell catalogues the excesses of the mra movement and the comment section are often a brilliant source of information and chat about some of the mra excesses and poor behaviours.

I've included this incase some mumsnetters may not have come across it.

Thanks will check that out when I have a strongest enough stomach 😩

OMG. just followed a link into the reddit hellhole. Horrendous.

If you mean we hunted the mammoth, then I apologise I must have done a typo for it to be redirected to reddit

Thanks. Placemarking to read/watch later.

I thought this para was quite telling:

You can tell these are well-worn accusations and insults. A lot of people thought I was a woman even though I had my real name. They would say I hate men even though I am a man. They have a narrative they are so bought into that they will ignore anything which goes against it and appropriate or twist anything into making them right.

The way the MRAs assumed he must be a woman because he produced a film that cares about women.

Disneyspendingmoney - no it wasn't your fault - I followed a link on the mammoth thread, despite me KNOWING that reddit is a cesspit! Thank for the link.

Sarahjconnor I too have heard conflicting reports of WRD.

Itsallgoingtobefine yes I thought that para was telling. For MRAs the very concept of men caring about women and male violence against women is astounding, so they don't believe it

I've just had a memory resurface - after watching a TV drama about a man who beat up his wife on a regular basis, my ex (of 20 years) H remarked on how lucky I was to have him. Lucky? Because he didn't beat me up? Because he acted like a normal man should do? That makes me lucky? I seethed then, and I'm seething now, remembering it.

Drum123 ah dear god the bar is set so low for men. I remember a bloke chatting me up in a pub and I was talking about my ex and saying that it would be great if I met someone with a job, a car, and his own place. He looked at me and said 'but isn't that normal?'. And I stared back at him thinking 'no, not for me'. Those are the moments when you think, hang on a minute. Like a friend who said to me about an alcoholic, violent and unfaithful boyfriend, 'i don't think he has your best interests at heart Nails.' It took me another 5 years to leave him. But what she said stuck. The bar needs raising.

@nail2018 I'm a man and I have a lot of difficulty with mra's, mgtow-ers, pua's and incels, whether encountering them online or irl. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on how we should "raise the bar". I for example try very hard not to use the mental language and certainly not to verbalise the everyday misogynistic language that is mainstream in male interactions.

In part this is due to a very unpleasant breakup and I strive to stop the bitter resentment I feel about that spilling out into everyday life and affecting people (women obvs.) who have had absolutely zero to do with it. Actually, that's not true I do have ire towards mil (& fil ) for being idle while their daughter spiraled down in to the depths of substance abuse and serious mental health diagnosis.

I wonder how it could be done at a grassroots level, my 13 & 10yo dd's often tell me about the poor language the boys at their schools use and the behaviours. Although I guess it's the wasteland where the weeds flourish that really has to be tackled. I've breifly entered the cesspools of Reddit and 4 & 8 chan but didn't have the stomach for it.

One thing I have noticed is that men don't pull other men up about it. We seem to have a real disconnect with recognising each others use of abusive language and when I do pull other blokes up about it they think I cracking some kind of joke and I really cannot be taking offense at what they say and how they behave. Even friends and colleagues who I consider more woke than most get non-plussed by it. Today for example when the word d*h-bag was used at my workspace during g a casual coworker conversation. I had to ask for it not to be used again and explain why I didn't want it used again. And there was still looks of confusion afterwards.

Sadly, I reckon it will take about a few centuries before misogyny and it's mindset is eradicated and the rest of it's family.

Sorry for the long post

Actually your and anyone else's thoughts I forgot to correct