#LostVaginaSongs on Twitter.

[Badstyley]

Been thinking them up all afternoon. Some of them are hilarious. It’ll cheer up your Wednesday evening.

They are wonderful... the whole mad thread started with a tweet from someone arguing about whether 'woman' is a biological definition or a feeling. They thought the latter. I completely lost track of the logic but they were asking if a woman was in an accident which caused her to lose her vagina (I kid you not) would she still be a woman. Trick question! If we answered 'yes' then it would mean that people without vaginas are women. The lost vagina songs are interspersed with a ton of tweets about women's vaginas falling out outside Tesco or being accidentally left in a public loo. It's a joy.

Now I’ve got that old song ‘Detachable Penis’ stuck in my head

I'm interested in knowing the incidence of women losing vaginas.

maybe it fell down the side of the sofa?

I hate it when that happens.

As it happens, I was just feeling down the side of my sofa for a Cheddars biscuit which had fallen down there. I found it - and a teaspoon that I didn't know was missing.

No vaginas, though.

I lost my vagina to a starship trooper.

I’ve been plastering them all over twitter all evening. I think I’m having too much fun.

Been around the world and I I I, I can’t find my vagina. I don’t know where I don’t know why, why it’s gone away, and I don’t know where it can be, my vagina, but I’m gonna find it.

I'll get overies you I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm overies you
’Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking

I can’t fucking breathe 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Been around the world and I I I
I can't find my vayjay
I don't know when I don't know why
My muff's gone away
And I don't know where she can be, my vayjay
But I'm gonna find her

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

And my favourite

In my mind I’m going to my vagina. Can’t you just see the sun shine, can’t you just see the moon shine. Ain’t it just like a friend of mine, to hit me from behind? Yes I’m going to my vagina in my mind.

For Hull's finest masseuse:

My yoni lies over the ocean,
My yoni lies over the sea.
My yoni lies over the ocean.
Oh bring back my yoni to me.

Bring back, oh bring back,
Oh bring back my yoni to meeeee!!

A Searing Ballad for my Lost Vagina

When the wind blows through your hair
I want you so bad, want you so bad
I see vaginas everywhere
I want you so bad, want you so bad
I never thought this could happen to me

There's always someone looking to make a profit from women's naughty bits (or the lack thereof) isn't there? On twitter now:

Bleffy MacWhistletits

Have you had an accident? Have you tripped, fallen and your vagina just fell right out? Sneezed and your vagina exploded? Call 0800-lost-my-vag and we will take your case, no win, no fee! Call now!

Ever been hurt by an exploding vagina. Have you had a vagina drop from a ladder and fall on your head? Slipped on a lost vagina. Call 0800-damn-vags and we will take your case. No win, no fee!

Is this the way to my vagina?
All along I've been trying to find her
Dreaming dreams of my vagina
And ovaries that wait for me

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, etc.

Pretty sure you could sub 'vag' for 'coat' in Joseph's Technicolour Dreamcoat without too much trouble (am too lazy to type it out)

Like a vag out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes...

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd track down my own vajajay
And make it stay

I don't know where my vajajay is gone
I don't know why I didn't have it on
Usually it stays there all tucked up inside
Vaginas are like men and they leave sometimes

You know I never meant to hurt you
That steaming bowl is now long gone
I know I made you cry
But vaggie if I could TURN BACK TIME...