What have you learned from the last few months re GRA?

[Badstyley]

This thread was partially inspired by the how to undo female socialisation thread, and also Lisa’s video which I’ll post in the comment below, because I can’t seem to do clicky links.

I entered the trans debate in April I think, so relatively recently compared to some posters on here, but possibly before others.

I think the main thing I have learned is that women rock, first and foremost.

I think I have learned a lot more, not necessarily things I didn’t already know, but how to place them into some sort of framework. I used to be married to an abusive man. He was controlling, emotionally abusive, and he could become very aggressive when challenged. After I left him I began to piece together some of the ways in which he mistreated me. I never read about domestic abuse, so I don’t think I could put it all together until recently. One of the useful things for me has been to see how other abusive males behave, and while it might not be exactly what happened to me, now I can see the method, the manifestations of behaviour and where they stem from. I’ve learned about things like DARVO, which I experienced a million times, but didn’t have the language to describe, and now I can spot it a mile off.

The other thing that has been invaluable is something that I was aware of from my days of studying five or six years ago, but again didn’t possess the language or systemic understanding to describe, and that is how female socialisation works to embed the acceptance of our subjugation in our own minds. I could rant about pink and blue, and the sexualisation of womens’ bodies all day long and frequently did, but I’d never read widely enough, or even had anyone to discuss it with. Now I’m looking around me and noticing all sorts of things that would have completely passed me by before, such as the different way women speak to men to how we speak to each other. I’ve started really observing not just my own, but other peoples’ interactions and I can see it in sometimes tiny, almost noticeable ways, but sometimes in quite stark ways that would have gone unnoticed by me before.

I also feel that I can really dig down to the bottom of things now where I would’ve allowed people to deflect and side track me, and lead me a merry dance in the passed. I feel like I’ve really developed my ability to stay focused on the nuts and bolts of a question, or a problem, and I’ve probably become more unpopular but less easy to walk all over as a result. The other thing I’ve learned is to separate the things that are my responsibility to deal with from the things that really aren’t my problem, which has been more helpful and liberating than you can imagine. Back to socialisation again here I think.

Any road, sorry about the ramble. I’d just like you all to know that despite all the crap, and us all feeling under siege from almost every angle, including MN, you’ve all helped me in ways that spread much further in my life than the current struggle we’re embroiled in, so thank you.

Here’s the video

This is a wonderful thread, and I feel similarly. I've always believed in women's rights but never had the language and framework to properly define it in my mind.

I've learned that I really don't like men in spite of having a dh and two sons.

I've realised that men hate us more than I could possibly have imagined. The ones that don't hate us still aren't interested in our struggles to remain safe. Why should they care?

I've learned that society and the authorities hate us more than I could have possibly imagined. We represent half of the electorate, yet our daily lives, safety and experiences are meaningless. I find that to be a deeply depressing and rather sinister situation.

I've learned that women can conduct themselves with dignity, intelligence and endless patience in the face of vile and disgusting misogynistic threats from the likes of that Harrop and Madigan things. What does that say about who is the better sex? I look at many men now and see what failures they are as human beings and wonder how we've come as far as we have with these people who lack so much humanity and dignity that they seek to do what they're doing with no second thoughts.

I've learned that I'm disappointed in the special snowflake me, me, me generation who have been brainwashed into being professional narcissists. I fear for the future of health and social care if the future workers in these jobs are incapable of empathy and the concept of serving others with care and compassion.

I'm endlessly grateful to those women who have had, and have, the strength to lead and participate fully in this campaign. I feel pathetic as I wasn't even able to attend the women's place meeting I had a ticket for. I was too anxious and depressed to attend.

What a wonderful idea for a thread.

Placemarking as I don't have time to respond now, but want to.

Do listen to the wonderful Jean Hatchet's acceptance speech at the Emma Humphries awards last night.

It says everything about what matters.

jeanhatchet.blogspot.com/2018/11/emma-humphreys-prize-my-speech.html

Excellent thread, and I feel that citiesofbismuth wrote the answer I would like to have given.

I would add I'm horrified by how many people can be persuaded to support sterilising gay and NGC children.

That the GRA consultation should never have gone ahead when the EqA is so riddled with ambiguities and unworkable protections.

I have learned that the whole premise of the GRA consultation is utter bullshit.

In 2004 the GRA was passed because a tiny number of people (approx 5000) were suffering greatly with what was recognised as a medical condition called gender dysphoria. The laws were such that trans people could not get married (if they were same sex attracted), could only claim their pension in line with their birth sex, had no protection from discrimination in the provision of housing, employment, goods & services etc., and were regularly 'outed' by mismatching paperwork (we have eyes anyway but whatever).

Women weren't consulted in 2004 but many of the exact same concerns women are raising now were raised back then by MPs and HoL peers. No satisfactory answers were given. The law passed because even if problems arose, it was agreed that this was such a tiny number of people - ~5000 - it would be manageable. It passed because people women budging up was the kind thing to do because this tiny group were having a terrible time on account of their dysphoria and their lack of rights as outlined above.

Fast forward and we now have:

• same sex marriage
• pension age equalises this month
• the equality act, protecting trans people from discrimination
• GDPR which introduces extremely strict rules around the handling of sensitive information (we still have eyes but whatever)

The only places a GRC makes a direct difference now are all women shortlists and prisons. And labour are flouting the law with AWS anyway, and prisons have introduced rules to allow TW without a GRC into women's prisons on a case by case basis.

But suddenly it is urgent to reform the GRA?

A couple of other things have changed since 2004:

• A massive increase in numbers. We are now told that there are up to 500,000 trans people (I have seen higher estimates but this was the figure used in the consultation). This is a 10,000% increase in 14 years. We are told that the fact that 'only' 4910 people have a GRC is evidence that the process doesn't work, when this was the original predicted number. All the arguments made in 2004, that this was not an issue because tiny number of people, are now blown out of the water.

• 'Trans is not an illness'. So the reason we were expected to be kind and budge up in the first place has also gone. I can't see any reason why I should now be kind and budge up for some random bloke who's decided he's entitled to women's spaces, services and opportunities because he has a 'gender identity'. That sounds dangerous and unfair to me.

This isn't reform of the GRA, it's repurposing. Different rights for a different (much larger) group of people for different reasons.

Administrative change my arse.

That the GRA consultation should never have gone ahead when the EqA is so riddled with ambiguities and unworkable protections.

Also this.

For everyone here

cities - you're not pathetic - please don't think so.

I haven't been living in the UK for the last four years so I only became informed about the GRA consultation a few weeks ago(!) I feel so incredibly grateful for the highly informative posts of women here on Mumsnet as it has been my main source of information (I created my account just to interact with the GC posts).
The way that the media has reacted and how so few MPs and media figures have stood up to support women unfortunately only reinforces for me that the majority of people - women with internalised misogyny included - really don't give a s* about women's rights.

On the positive side, I've gained a new appreciation for members of my own sex. Being raised by a narcissistic mother, I've always preferred the company of men and been afraid of the judgemental nature that women often have towards me for being GNC (in my last job I was being bullied by a narc woman and her friend, unfortunately once your self-esteem has been crippled by a narc they keep flocking to you). If it's not too twee to say it, I feel that the informative and patient posts of the highly educated women on here have provided me with maternal role models I never had in my youth, and this has given me more strength to trust my intuitions and speak out more. This is important on a personal level, as I had a relationship with someone who is now a trans woman, and I've never been able to resolve my feelings about this until now - whilst I was always GC, female socialisation meant I suppressed my objections to keep the peace.

I think this experience has crystallised for me a discomfort I've felt for a long time with pomo in general. Working in the arts, I have felt for some time that the related virtue signalling and tokenism in the contemporary arts destroys any real critical faculties and kills the creative instinct, leading to poor quality output. The GRA consultation has brought this all to a head, and its very real threat against sex based protections for women has been a wake-up call leading me to trust my own judgement in a wider context and in my work.