Enforced partnered dancing for year 6 formal

[Scarzo]

DD1 is in year 6. We are approaching end of school year here in Oz, and they will be having a fairwell party in December. DD mentioned today that they will begin learning to dance with a partner (opp. sex) and will be expected to choose a boy to dance with at the party. DD and her friends have no interest in doing this and are finding it all a bit embarrassing.

It feels wrong to me that they are being forced into this. There are religious exemptions allowed. Apparently they're not allowed to choose a girl to dance with instead.

I've told DD she doesn't have to do it if she's not comfortable. An I overreacting?

Sounds a bit grim. In my 70s childhood we did country dancing in primary school and you were usually shoved briefly with a partner for your bit of the dance. Nothing like this.
Is this usual in Australia? How old is year 6 in Australia?

Bell they're 11/12. It does all feel a bit old fashioned and sexist.

Probably not a massive deal. Just seems to me like one of those little things that chip away at girls' autonomy.

And I also feel sorry for the poor kids who will inevitably be the last ones chosen

My dad taught me to waltz. To be honest, I can't see doing that with anyone else - not even dh and certainly not a classmate.
My mum used to have these dance things as a kid in Ireland. Right up to her death in her 80s it made her shudder.
I wonder if other parents feel the same as you?

Scarzo the ‚those who will be chosen last‘ bit is what I‘d find most annoying about it, particularly at this age. If it were matched by school (lottery or height or something) I would not think too much of it. It is part of life to be matched with someone in order to perform some task (lab in school or uni, police partner, whatever.)

As someone who enjoys social dancing it's a shame they are being taught it in a way that makes them feel awkward. It is unusual to insist on girl/boy couples these days. Much better to just say "find a partner".

The only time we were made to dance with a boy was the country dancing display at the summer fair - and even then, it was just a bit of hold hands and walk in a circle, hold hands and twirl around, and if there weren't enough girls or boys, then you held hands with whichever was available, there was no forced pairing (Well, except the teacher used to line us up by height so you'd be matched with a boy a similar height so we looked good as we skipped in)

The idea of making kids properly dance with the opposite sex at an event that's meant to be fun for them is bizarre.

Having said that, if it's done in the way that it inspires social confidence, the knowledge of how to act in formal situations, that could be good - I know that going out with colleagues who were friends and learning to two-step with one of them actually gave me quite a boost, and there was nothing untoward going on, just having fun - he was American, and considered it normal to ask anyone to dance, and that everyone should know a formal dance of some sort - so he taught me!

Hmm, I don't really chat to many of the school mums. I might have to try and sound some of them out though. Her teacher is lovely, so I'm sure she'd be happy to have a chat about it too

Australia can be a bit old fashioned - national anthem and flag raising at assembly for example

Reminds me of Scottish dancing at secondary school. All the girls lined up along one wall of the hall, all the boys on the other side.

The boys had to choose a partner. The stress of wondering who would choose you, if you could be chosen...

must have been stresful for the boys too!

Social dancing is fairly standard in Scottish schools. I think it's not a bad thing, nor particularly sexist. Girls choose partners as often as boys, and nobody is allowed to refuse a dance, if asked. You soon get over thinking it's a big deal and future dances, ceilidhs, weddings etc are better as a result.

If your DD has a male friend, tell her to cut a deal in advance, boys choice, you choose me, if girls choice I'll choose you. Our school often started with a dance where you changed partners each time, moving round, so you were only picking someone for a verse (not a big thing) and you just got pot luck for your next partner. That might ease them in?

I teach partner dancing. Alongside the physical dance classes we teach firm boundaries including saying no and accepting no when asking to dance.

We encourage dancers of both sexes to actively choose their dance role (leader/follower) rather than follow old fashioned gendered rules.

I dance both roles (but take classes from a top level professionals as a leader).

You could share this resource with the school to demonstrate how their plans aren’t compatible with contemporary consent culture?

safetyinswingdance.com/notes-for-organisers/

nobody is allowed to refuse a dance, if asked

So, so problematic. Social conventions cannot be allowed to take priority over individual autonomy. Everyone has the right to say no.

As others have said, it is standard at Scottish schools. Or certainly was when I was, and at my son's school also. Many of the Scottish dances involve sets where you are dancing with others in a group of 6 or 8 or progress where you move on to another partner.

As Pawsome says it's a very useful social skill.

nobody is allowed to refuse a dance, if asked

fucking hell

that's inappropriate as all get out

that's pretty awful

I also hate the "can't say no" it's enforcing terrible rules

there are religious exemptions, so anyone who is uncomfortable should be able to drop out, so to speak. Vote with feet and don't attend?

I'm in the sticks in Australia but they don't do that where I live. They just have a school disco for the Year 6s and the Year 5s can come too.
Tell them you don't like it.

Wow - I would go to school and say you don't agree with it and see what they say and let them know you have told your daughter that she can opt out.

At my school Scottish country dancing was taught as part of PE class in the run up to Christmas end of term dances. It was the only time when "PE" was enjoyable as opposed to being 4 hours per week of compulsory misery I'd have done anything to get out of.

Attendance or participation at the actual end of term dance was obviously entirely voluntary.

Excellent resource @BettyDuMonde

What style of dance is it?

I teach children and a small segment can include dance i try just to randomly choose. Sometimes there is a bit of a fuss but the children know that they will be switched next time. I only ever have had 1 totally reluctant dancer and put them in charge of the music for that segment.

Personally if it was me running a partner dance. it would be a "random" names from a hat. but with the few who were uncomfortable, partnered with their bestie and the pain in the arse boys partnered their bestie too , maybe a mid way chaos change with the teacher directing. There are ways and techniques of running the pair dance so everyone walks away having had fun.
BettyDuMonde
ohh i am going to read that next thank you for the link. I really want my student to walk away with a love for the subject i teach.

Thanks for the link Belle, I think that will be really useful if I broach it with the school.

Lass, I think I would be less bothered if it were a group or progress style of dance. I see where you're coming from with the social aspect/practice for the future thing.

Thanks for your input everyone

I remember something similar happening to me in year 7. It wasn't a formal or dance but rather learning to dance which I definitely did not want to do at the time and definitely not with the boys. I ended up getting sent to the principal and punished (picking up rubbish during lunch hour) for my little act of rebellion.