Reverse Racism and TERF as a slur. Help me explain false equiv

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Hello friends, I'm having a debate with a friend about the term TERF and she recently made this comment: " a Transgender Exclusionary Radical Feminists saying that "TERF" is [always] a slur and hate speech -- to me is akin to when white people claim that when Black people and their allies support affirmative action, Black Lives Matter, calling on police not to use of racial profiling, etc. - that this is being 'racist' against white people.

I don't believe that is racist -- because it’s about power. And the lack of it. In this country, for example, white people have power that Black people do not and those of us who are white have privileges (many unearned but privileges just the same) that Black people not only do not but that were gained on the backs of Black slaves. Minorities lack power and authority. Black people CAN be biased against white people and do biased behaviors, but that is not the same as being racist.

Yes, some transgender identified people have made threats and done violence against cisgender people who are (or are perceived to be) Transgender Exclusionary Radical Feminists (TERFs) as you shared in your examples above (though I honestly do wonder if they are all real and we will never know) --- and I am not excusing threats and violence by them or anyone else on any level. But saying someone is a "TERF" in and of itself is not a slur or hate speech - because it just means that person is (ascribes to the beliefs of being) a transgender exclusionary radical feminist.
And transgender exclusionary radical feminists have done great harm to transgender women -- emotional harm, psyche harm and physical harm. "

We've actually had a decent discussion but it is exhausting. She is a heterosexual married woman I respect, active in the LGBT community since her gay son committed suicide as a result of bullying many years ago. I'm trying to keep this discussion strictly to the use of TERF that I witnessed on her FB page. She posted a lovely video of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (sp?) One of her friends commented "she's a known terf" then another "not very smart" My friend said she didn't know that, then agreed:not very smart. So 2 days later, she makes this condescending comment to me. I'm really trying to be diplomatic. Can you help me break it down that reverse racism is not relevant here? Thank you. so much

So all in all, the power relationships are very different.

In fact in Iran, transpeople are more accepted than homosexuals - who are forced to get genital surgery an live as though they are a straight person of the opposite sex.

Thanks Likedust.

Explains the women’s Iranian football team

"Minorities lack power and authority" is very often untrue. Just look at the British Empire or the real 'erasure' of indigenous people as White Europeans spread west across America.

Your friend only seems to understand why a minority would lack power, and not the structural reasons that would enable a majority to be oppressed, whether that is lack of guns or lesser upper body strength or bearing children.

People very rarely check the target's views on feminism before calling them a 'terf', and it 's often used generally to describe anyone perceived as 'anti-trans'.

Ironically to use 'radical feminist' as an insult, is to denigrate people who have endured decades of abuse for not being 'feminine' enough. It's just another way of attacking somebody who doesn't conform to gender expectations.

I just look at them at them kinda dead-panned and say, "black women never fought for the right to shower naked next to white men. Black women STILL don't want to shower naked next to white men. So could you explain how black women showing naked next to white men would eliminate racism?"

One of the things patriarchs love to do, is to ask you to explain things over and over. Turn the tables, and keep asking for them to explain. A million bonuses if you make it clear that this is about sexual boundaries, which is why the naked shower features prominently in all my questions/comments.

Ngozie's big crime was to say that the life experiences of natal women and trans women are different. Somehow this leads to testerical fits in TRA circles.

It's about as controversial as saying water is wet. Obviously their experiences are different. But no, she has to be banished beyond the pale where is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth for being a blasphemer.

Interesting that self-ID is the central plank of TRAs, but women are to be persecuted if they dream of doing it.

You're right that there's nothing necessarily slur-ry about terf. But usage has turned it into something north of Nazi.

Maybe point out to your friend that gender critical feminists think people should be valued for who they are and any social problem mean society has to change. TRAs think people should fit into specific social boxes (and that they are The Coolest because they climbed out of Box A and switched to Box B) and if they don't fit then their bodies should be changed. Ask her which is actually progressive.

Thank you all for your insights. It really helped me sort out some of the cognitive dissonance and find language. Update: That conversation has gone to sleep for now. I decided to just stay on track with the TERF issue and how I find it divisive. My friend brought in some of her friends to the table so I was alone. Several are trans so they gave the standard shite. I pretty much ignored them. One of them shared how a family member tried to have her children removed so I was able to honestly sympathize. Another friend came into the conversation and actually contributed thoughtfully in ways that made me think more (she's a lesbian) and I looked into what trans/feminism articles I could find. All in all, I'm glad I made the effort but it was EXTREMELY triggering (lol) to be self censoring every word I said, and to keep the conversation to a narrow focus. I also should mention that I was asked to answer a question before she would engage with me." Do you believe transwomen are women?" My answer was: " I believe trans women are trans women. I'm willing to call them women but gender does not equal sex" That seemed to allow me into my own conversation. I was a good little girl and kept my mouth shut more than a few times to keep the discussion going peacefully. I'm glad I did it but it was hard and I'm not sure if it was worth it. I think I can still show my face in progressive circles here without being shunned. Whew. So thanks for this oasis of sanity and all your helpful responses.

I wish I'd get paid for the fuck ton amount of emotional labor involved

Having been abused at secondary school by straight girls because I was a lesbian , spat on, pushed abused ,
I suspect these straight girls who abused me and my G/F at school have grown up and see the Transgender community as an easy target to hate

some months ago sticker woman who its claimed is a straight woman started putting the stickers up across various gay pubs and around streets in London

in various gay pubs across this land are now sporting posters objecting to any Transphobia in gay pubs
and restrictions are being imposed on many straight people going in gay bars

but you cant have it both ways , either its a slur or its a badge of Pride ?
with various [posters using it as their handle on here

I think you'll find this movement is led by lesbian sheros. Lesbians are called 'TERF' and 'transphobic' for refusing penis.

Also that poster you have added has been gleefully used by mainly men to make lesbians who are clear about being same sex exclusive, feel extremely unwelcome in what is supposed be the 'L' GBT community.

A little bit of historical accuracy would go a long way.

Also, when 'feminist', and particularly 'radical feminist' are used as terms of abuse, the implication is usually that they are just a bunch of man hating lesbians.