Auyogynaephilia/ DomSub in the Guardian

[EatSleepRantRepeat]

Since when did the Life and Style sections of the Guardian get this grotty?

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/26/my-life-in-sex-50-year-old-man-who-likes-to-be-dominated

The my life in sex series used to be quite an empathetic, interesting mix of straight/gay/young/old people talking about how sex fits in with their life, or people relating how their sex life has changed due to an event like long term illness, having kids etc.

This article just comes across as someone sharing a grotty fantasy- plus the way he talks about the disdain from the daughter turning him on is just vile. I hope she's there by consent rather than having to put up with mum's old pervy clients visiting. Grim.

Sorry not sure how to clicky-link!

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/26/my-life-in-sex-50-year-old-man-who-likes-to-be-dominated

There you go.

As a senior figure in a fairly traditional workplace, I know the female secretarial staff would be amazed to learn that my greatest desire is to be a lady’s maid.

You know, they probably wouldn't be , but they probably would find it hilarious

Back in my online dating days, I got a few offers from this type of bloke offering to come clean my house. Have to admit to being tempted. I can't afford a cleaner. But ultimately wasn't really interested in playing out some randoms fantasy even if it did get my oven cleaned for free.

Thanks @Prawnofthepatriarchy :-)

@stars - that's what I find quite grim about the whole thing, being opted into someone's fantasy like that. No wonder these ladies ask for payment too - I don't even like it when I have the window cleaner round!

Some blokes are weird, mate.

That is the sort of thing that makes many long term post op transsexual men and women dead against self ID, and support the campaigns of FPFW, etc. Most people have come across people who seem to be , frankly, just kinky. Currently they are weeded out by the psychiatrists at the Gender Clinics.

Idon't understand the issue. There is a transactional relationship in place and he is harmlessly enjoying a predication he has

Hardly a feminist issue unless you expand it to the question of what masculinity is in the current environment and how men can also be pigeon holed into roles they may not want and their sexual or emotional reaction to this

If it were merely a kinky fantasy played out between consenting adults, I really wouldn't care but it's not the whole of it. The way he talks about his colleagues is creepy as it is, but he states he's aroused by the discomfort of the dominatrix's daughter who is uncomfortable about having him around her home. I'd be surprised if she wasn't aware that he is getting turned on by making her uncomfortable.
Presumably if this woman is still living at home, she's fairly young too.
Playing out your fantasies in a consenting environment is one thing, involving someone who doesn't want to be involved, and then boasting about it in a national newspaper is something else.

I also met plenty of blokes like this when I was dating. Not sure why this bloke thinks any of the women he works with would be surprised, though I suppose having women pretend that most of us don't know that being bossed around by a sexy lady is one of the most common fetishes there is is itself part of the fetish.

How unpleasant for him to (a) enjoy and (b) mention that he enjoys the adult daughters disdain. Poor woman shouldn't have to be an unconsenting witness to this.

Also, I guess a fantasy is a fantasy, but to me there is something deeply distasteful about a man who by the sounds of it holds a fairly professional / high status role (love his shout out to the 'female secretarial staff' ) fantasising about being one of 'the help'. Ie he seems to get a kick out of feeling demeaned... does this mean that he thinks cleaning is a demeaning job? As previous posters have said, it just feels very grotty.

Ha! The poor sap doesn't even know what a traditional lady's maid was (not sure if they still exist - ??the queen might still have one). For a good light autobio, I'd recommend Rosina Harrison - for many years, lady's maid to Nancy Astor.

It's not the transactional nature I have a problem with as such, it's how this is dressed up to look like a submissive act but actually is about his control. He likes that the daughter is not enjoying his presence, and the idea of shocking his colleagues (who like PPs have said probably don't care and already think he's a creep). I'm well aware there are people like this out there but the Guardian publishing this in it's full glory is a bit much.

Wasn't why I posted this but I do agree with KayM2 - the transpeople I know are lovely people who just want a quiet life and to get on with their own business. Jeans and scarves types rather than pleather and suspenders iyswim. It's really not fair that cross-dressing and people's kinks are lumped in with transexuals by orgs like stonewall, and trying to push the kink types into the mainstream media isn't going to help them assimilate at all.

Exactly.

I don't give a shit what people want to get up to consensually in the privacy of their own bedrooms, singly, in pairs, in huge orgies so long as everyone's having fun. (I don't particularly want to know about it either - sex is a participation event, not a spectator sport as far as I'm concerned).

But I do draw the line at people who get off on other people's discomfort. In other words, get off on other people's lack of consent. As one writer I came across put it (he was talking about prostitution rather than this sort of exhibitionism) "it wasn't exactly rape, but it lived in the same neighbourhood." Okay, this is quite a long way from rape, but the fact that the kick lies in other people's non-consent is still deeply disturbing.

And these are the people Stonewall is placing under the trans umbrella, the people Stonewall are trying to force women to accept in gym changing rooms and hostel dormitories. Uh, no. Just no.

Men getting a kick out of being bossed around by women while dressed like their idea of a submissive woman is as old as the hills and as common as muck. Including those men in the "trans umbrella" vastly inflates the numbers of people considered trans while diluting the meaning to the point of absurdity.

Allowing the individuals mentioned above access to women's spaces is a disaster waiting to happen, and everyone who's not a complete fool knows it. I remain very interested in the motivations of people who clearly are not fools and yet are in favor of forcing that access through at all costs.

The whole thing basically came across as “moderately powerful middle aged man incapable of a healthy, respectful relationship with a woman”. Nothing new under the sun.

Do any industries still have "secretarial staff"?

I work in a pretty staid traditional office based industry and there weren't even secretaries for the top bods any more when I started in the mid 90s.

We have PAs who are highly skilled and everyone handles their own correspondence otherwise ie email.

Medical secretaries are a job I know one but the way he puts it sounds odd...

Like he sees women in other roles as some kind of secretarial pool, or is another layer of his fantasy.

I don't believe a word of that article. He says he cleans all morning - what about his job? He's only 50 - he'd be full time. And he is married, isn't he? Is he really going to get away for a full morning every weekend?

I think he was typing with one hand, so to speak.

Wonder if he does his own housework too? Or is that not "arousing" enough and dumped on his partner / a female cleaner...?