Alternate reality

[mummymathsteacher]

Fuck it, I'm delurking after well over three years of reading.

I'm angry. My ex boyfriend (from ten years ago) has "identified" as a woman for a couple of years now. As far as I can see, this has not actually involved any transitioning, hormones etc. Just a quick name change and a few dresses and make up. This disappoints me anyway because they were always gender non-conforming and completely secure about it when we were together.

Well now of course they are "lesbian" and therefore every past relationship has been redefined as such. And I'm really fucked off about it. I am not a lesbian. To claim our very heterosexual relationship was in any way queer is so completely ridiculous, I actually think it's borderline offensive to real lesbians (you know, the adult human females who are into other adult human females). And yet everyone of our mutual friends from that time is celebrating this with the usual "brave" line.

My Facebook timeline has been overun with comments about "cis-privledge" and I think I might explode. Is there any point in engaging? I'm torn between outing myself as GC and just deleting half these former friends.

Why is it okay to just rewrite MY past and silence any kind of questioning of it?

I am with you OP.

It's getting beyond ridiculous.

If you're brave and can word it well you could go point out how unbelievably homophobic this is

Jesus wept

Why is it okay to just rewrite MY past and silence any kind of questioning of it?

It's not okay. Whether or not you engage is up to you. But if you choose to engage, this is the question I would ask ex BF and anyone fawning over him. It's really not okay.

A lesbian is a biological woman who is exclusively sexually attracted to other biological women.

You're not exclusively attracted to women.
Your ex is not a biological woman.
Your ex did not perform feminine gender or identify as such when you were together.
Defining someone else to suit yourself (and expecting them to obediently lay down and enable you) is the hall mark of someone you should be running a mile from.

Cut contact and go find yourself mentally healthier friends and partners, you do not have to take this lunacy or give your energy to it. The hills are over that way.

confuse them all by identifiying as trans non binary which seems to be a catch all term that covers almost anybody I know. And we all know that non binaries are the most harddone by class of all trans because they don’t even exist in law

I'm so glad I found this board otherwise I think I would have gone mad! I'm trying to be brave and be openly GC but I'm in education, and it doesn't go down too well.

So glad that I dumped the ex and found now DH, who is just as GC. Starting on think I'm the only one of my peers who can see through this misogynistic rubbish!

Actually announce that you now define as a man so when he was with you he was straight.

announce that you now define as a man so when he was with you he was straight.

This would get my vote, if you didn't work in education, and if you had loads of time and energy to enjoy demonstrating the ludicrousness of his lies.

However, on maturish reflection I have to agree with Knicknack, delete them all from your contacts and do something enjoyable to celebrate the fact that your DH is sane and you have each other. Life is too short to waste on educating the hard of thinking when you aren't even being paid to do it.

Welcome! Lots of other women in your position, so you're in good company.

Having councelled/befriended many Trans people on the gay switchboard , it sounds as if your ex is getting their story right, ready to present at some GIC ?
they will have picked this up from others , have heard it all before and so will any Psychiatrist
they want to deny they ever were anything other than what they claim to be now , don't let their fantasy screw you up !

Identify Male and change it back again! 😉🤣

Lols jus5 announce you are non binary then tommorow you are a guy
The list in endless
Don’t hold back 💪💪

Find a local group (or form one) and go. I have just got back from meeting other GC people for first time and I cannot tell you what a relief it is to speak openly with like-minded people. I found them by finding local GC people on Twitter/FB. Look out for GC voices in local groups then friend them and arrange something. You make new friends and feel empowered.

Hi, I have been in a similar position with an ex who was into cross-dressing when I was with him now identifying as female (although they at least take hormones and have had a boob job, so is showing some superficial commitment, but this ex is not gender dysphoric at all, it's a kink). I think most people don't understand that there are different types of transgenderism and they just want to be kind and understanding because they think its just boys who feel sad because they aren't girls, not understanding seeing the men who get turned on by being given access to women's spaces and pretending to be one of us. I simply stopped following my ex whilst still remaining friends on Facebook (knowledge is power, no?) but it seems like he's made you feel gaslighted so you need to now get your own sense of integrity back and find your own voice. Coming on here, reading the posts and occasionally chatting has been very useful for me in doing that, glad it's helping you too.

PS - I also did a cleansing of Facebook woke types who had begun to be too much to bear a while back and I feel better for it not having to read their self-righteous, misinformed, virtue-signalling shite every day.

Have you seen this article OP? It's about the transwomen and lesbians.

There are probs a fair few decent sound bites you could use.

medium.com/@amydyess83/terf-is-hate-speech-and-its-time-to-condemn-it-6efc897ce407

There is a Facebook snooze option. Stops you seeing a person's posts for 30 days. It may help your sanity in the short term.

Perhaps you can test the water to see what other people think. I decided it wasn't worth it as my ex lives in another country and we don't have the same social groups at all, so coming on here has been enough for me. If it's become intrusive for you I would say you have to say something, I can imagine it makes you feel violated to deny your own reality to prop up someone else's kink and egotism.

You are at least entitled to make it clear that you are not a lesbian, that's your sexuality and it doesn't belong to anyone else. I agree it is insulting to actual lesbians.