Women's only AA

[buddhasbelly]

Hi apologies if this has been done. Admittedly I never venture over here.

I'm just off to a women's only AA meeting (usually go to the anyone welcome meets).

For obvious reasons I can't discuss what is said at the meeting but there is good reason for women's only meetings as you can probably imagine.

I've been in AA for a while (recovery going well ) but for some women that could be their first meeting, I certainly was very fragile but knew to try and keep with women (google 13th steppers).

What would happen if someone came that identified as a woman?

And apologies if I don't respond quickly.

Heres an article on 13th steppers

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2015/sep/22/alcoholics-anonymous-aa-women-dating-addition-rehab

If someone identified as a woman it would be up to the people running the meeting whether they were allowed in - although post self-ID I doubt there would be much recourse to stop them - they will be let in and fuck the feelings of the women attending.

Congratulations on your recovery and long may you be strong with it.

Yeah it would depend on the group. AA don't have "leaders" as such but they do have someone chairing the meeting and a secretary, the volunteers doing these commitments will change every few months / every year.
If I were a chair/secretary I would politely direct them to the nearest mixed sex meeting.
As a new person / attendee you can simply speak to someone else about feeling uncomfortable and you might find others agree.

I've often wondered myself, because AA have a strict rule whereby men share numbers with men only and women share numbers with women only, how this works with transgender attendees.

But I wouldn't worry about it unless it actually happens.

Well done on choosing to live Sober

Well done on your sobriety, Buddhasbelly. I've also wondered about this myself and decided I'd pull the "cis" card (I know but it can be useful sometimes) in no uncertain terms. Sobriety is too fragile to be distracted, triggered or intimidated by a whole other can of worms in a safe, sex-specific space. No compromise. Likewise, NAs don't get to hog share-time at AA meetings. Good luck, sister 💪👏👌

That is amazing BuddasBelly! Congratulations on all your hard work!

And the link you gave was very interesting:

Blackwood’s story of love in the time of drug abuse is not unique. Women trying to recover are falling into the trap of dating in which the goal is not love or mutual support, but a power play in which they are the losers.

Joella Striebel, a behavioral health specialist at Gundersen Health System in Wisconsin, says that women have a different pathway to addiction than men. To recover, they must believe they have control over their own lives and can make decisions for themselves, rather than admitting powerlessness – which is one of the main tenets of AA.

Transwomen would have no use for that, and would be much better served in the men's section (although I can see how they would hate the group title). I guess that is the natural consequence tho, when someone chooses to focus on labels instead of the actual material content.

Many thanks for all the well wishes

Our meeting was quiet but afterwards me and some other women were saying it is easier to open up at the women's only meeting.

I didn't know if it was a stupid question to ask and I wish any alcoholic well in their recovery but just don't know what would happen in this situation.

I have great friends in AA both male and female but as a PP said, I keep to female phone numbers and my sponsor is female.

I am admittedly ignorant over the proposed changes to laws surrounding gender and will read up on this but would a group chair be discriminating against someone self IDing if they were asked to leave the meeting?

Hello Buddabelly

Fellow aa here.

I would say that it's something that needs to be discussed at a concience meeting ... the group sets the rules. In so much as the shares go I would have thought that the focus on recovery should keep anyone in check as far as "disrupting" the group dynamics but it's a tricky question to be sure

Thanks for your response Louise.

This isn't a situation that has happened (yet) but just wondered about it as I was getting ready to go out the door.

Yes at the group conscience meeting would be a good place to discuss

hello buddha well done!!!

Thank you Gulags

I don't think the w/w m/m rule is THAT strict in AA. My sponsor, a lesbian, exclusively sponsored men (indeed, will only have a male sponsor for herself) until very recently as she didn't want to risk her falling for sponsee or vice versa, or be open to accusations of 13th stepping.

But to the original point, this is exactly why it's so important that we are allowed to keep our single sex spaces. A lot of very vulnerable recovering women attend AA, a great many may have been sexually assaulted in their past. These Women Only meetings exist for that reason, amongst others.

Well done on getting sober, @buddhasbelly. I have been happily sober for almost 6 months. AA was a tremendous help to me at the beginning but I have since decided that it's not for me.

Another AA here 2 years 2 months sober and one of the best choices I ever made was to put down the drink. I feel it would definitely be a decision for the group but I would personally hate to turn anyone away from a meeting they might really need.