I’m so happy to read your post. I actually though you were someone i know in RL right down to the middle of your second paragraph.
My friends son is 18, also autistic and looking for an identity . Since he was about 13 the whole family thought he was probably gay.
He was ok when he hung out with the Goth kids but when he got into the trans stuff online he became obsessed with becoming a girl, make several suicide attempts, was put in a secure unit, escaped from there, ran away from home, self harmed etc. Spent all his time on trans websites and social media, was filled with anger towards himself and everyone he knew.
His parents thought it was just a matter of time until he would take his own life.
He got referred to a gender identity clinic who were really good and recognised that this was more about the autism and perhaps some mental illness rather than trans . They recommended watchful waiting on the trans thing , no hormones , just seeing a therapist . They also saw the family and were very helpful.
His mum was happy for him to transition socially and his dad wasn’t. They have now split up , son lives with mum. Son Has chosen a uni sex ( not girls ) name , dresses in a very gender neutral way, scruffy shoulder length hair like lots of teens ,doesn’t wear make up . None of that weird hype sexualised or infantilised stuff that some transwomen wear.
Prefers female pronouns but doesn’t get upset if anyone makes a mistake.
Going to college studying art and music , enjoys the social life There where he fits in well. Is in a band , lots of gay friends, no pressure to be anything except himself .
He has now quit all the trans social media and announced that he is bi.
Well now there’s a surprise.
Family are just overjoyed that he seems so much more stable and is having a normal teen life - college, friends, hobbies , social life and now a BF.
I’m so pleased to hear that your son is also much happier and I hope he continues to do well.