Abortion doula

[StealthPolarBear]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-45666460
What a fantastic idea. Of course you'd hope most women would get support from family or friends but for some, possibly the most vulnerable, they cannot confide in family or friends, or might not want to.
I think she was very brave having her face in the article. I wonder how much hate she must get.

That is a good idea.

Wow, that’s amazing

How brilliant

And also how refreshing to read something discussing the fact that many women who have abortions already have children, and how important a factor this is in deciding to have an abortion.

My existing children were the reason I had an abortion. I remember reading something by a prominent journalist (can’t remember who) saying that she couldn’t countenance how mothers with existing children could contemplate abortion. It made me feel like a monster.

Yes she really made the point that some women have children, some women have abortion(s). They aren't two distinct groups but often the same women at different points in their lives.

This is a really powerful idea.

I've recently seen an article on a 'death doula' too.

To me I think the need for doulas in this way really represents a break down in community. People aren't able to 'be there' physically perhaps in the same way as the past for a whole host of reasons. Relationships are perhaps much more distant than in the past in part down to how child care is structured and whether women work, communiting, moving away from family and social media. We've 'atomised' for want of a better phrase. And I'm not sure that's great for mental health on the whole.

Some of this social change is undoubtedly good, especially for women, but elements of it also highlight problems too.

It's a great idea, and I hope there more of it in other areas too tbh.

That's an interesting point Red. Perhaps in the past the doula's role could have been taken by friends. (I've certainly had friends accompany me, and in turn accompanied friends, to medical procedures we were distressed by for one reason or another).

On the other hand, though, sometimes a stranger is good - you want someone sympathetic, but not too close to you, someone you can lean on in the moment, but then know you don't have to chat to at the PTA cake sale knowing they've seen you at your most vulnerable.

Overall, I think this is a brilliant idea though. And so powerful in being a service for all women - including the ones who are politically different from you, or project their fears and anger onto you in the heat of the moment. She sounds a remarkable woman.

Here's an article on death doulas
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45796983
I'm a friend at the end - why I became a death doula'

I find this interesting:

"It's only in the past 100 years or so that people have stopped caring for their dying family members at home and it all became about hospitals and the medical profession.

"Death has become a taboo and something that people have stopped talking about. But the more we are open about it the better. Being with someone and having those final conversations is so rewarding."

I think where we are getting doulas popping up is where there is a loss of power / power imbalance , a taboo / social stigma and ideological and institutional pressure.

There are lots of areas, not just life and death where this is particularly important for women. It's simple extra advocacy and support on your own terms.

What a wonderful service. I found another mother to chat to while I was waiting for mine, which was nice as we both had children already and we talked about them and why we there. It was nice to have someone go through the experience with me, even if only for the 20 minutes we were getting into gowns and waiting to be called. My DH had come with me but wasn't allowed in that part, so it made a lonely time a lot more bearable.

A death doula makes more sense to me than a birth or abortion doula

Why is that? Doulas could be very valuable in supporting a woman who can't confide in friends or familiy on her abortion?

There is a lot to organise when someone dies.

Red makes a good point, but I don't think doulas are needed entirely due to our fractured communities, they also represent a set minimum standard of knowledge and care.
Relatives and friends cen be well meaning but clueless. and sometimes you need to talk to someone that is not your family.

Inthe death doula topic - it's an actual job in Germany, where I live. Its a specialism within palliative care. There's a specific vocational training path and qualification, usually as a supplementary qualification taken by people with a nursing or care work background.

The job of Sterbebegleitung is spiritual and palliative care for the dying and accompanying relatives through the time immediately surrounding death. It's not necessarily meant to replace family involvement any more than palliative care nursing is. It also means that when death is expected but could happen at any time over a period of months there can always be someone available to the dying person without their family having to abandon their other responsibilities (potentially young children, work etc) or have any time alone to preserve their own mental health for several months.

I’ve wondwred, since my abortion, how I would be able to help women in a different but equally conflicting situation... a desire, but no ability (financial, emotional, or otherwise), to deliver, nurture and raise a child.
Watching friends and family go through adoption had heightened this desire, but there is little or no information on the system.
This is really just a note to say you’re not alone and sometimes it really is the absolute best decision you can make xx