Help me have a conversation with DH

[namechange4000]

I've been reading the feminism boards and attended a woman's place meeting earlier in the year. I mention the latest every so often to DH who is a little bit naive. He thinks that the proposed self ID implications will all work itself out and there's nothing to get our knickers in a twist over.

I love this man. Help me educate him!

I read a post a few days ago that mentioned the definition of terrorism and how it applies to the current gender critical politics. It was quite profound. But I can't find it! Can someone link me to that thread, or paste it here?

I also have the list of rights we'd lose, so I'm all good there.

Anything else you think I should share with him at this stage? I'd like him to be willing to hear more and be interested rather than berated. TIA

I think democracy kind of depends on people trying to persuade other people about stuff...

@OhHolyJesus

Are you me? I also talk mostly about GRA/trans stuff and single use plastics. And one other hobby.

I feel for you OP. This can put real strain on relationships! I'm very glad my DP sees it my way. In fact he had his eyes open when I was still painfully woke...

The James Kirkup piece and the other one in the Spectator were good, has your DH read them?

Well, that's the irony Djnoun. I haven't had to do any persuading or convincing at all - certainly no forcing.

Aimee and David Challoner, Jess Bradley, Lily Madigan, Stefonknee, Danielle Muscato, Jacinta Brooks, Karen White have done the convincing very, well... convincingly!

@LambChopsMcGee happy to meet another likeminded MNer! It's so tough isn't it? I tried to peak trans DH today with the story of Rachel McKinnon. Thought it would be easy as he's into sport - all sport - but he basically said this person wants to compete and it's tricky.

I'm on the verge of giving up as we are making headway on the single use plastic (and that took me about 3 months to get him to consider solid shampoo) and I might take it one battle at a time.

We have a DS and I do wonder sometimes if it would be different if we had a DD. And even thinking this makes me very sad.

If anything it has made me turn to all the sensible folk on here as he tends to shut down the discussion so it doesn't get discussed and I know I can come here for more info, a rant or a chat and know I'm not crazy or overreacting.

On the plus side though I've trans peaked my DM and DF who are going to complete it and share with friends, based on Challenor, White and Stefoknee (which was a new one on me, I only spotted yesterday WTAF???)

My only justification to myself is that he doesn't understand as his sex isn't under threat and whilst he has been beaten up and has had the threat of being beaten up by other men he doesn't have the threat or experience of sexual assault so he doesn't get it and I can't ask him to understand that , only to try to understand it.

I don't know, I think he's trying but I can't articulate it well and he shits down so I don't push too much on him as he can't cope with all the scary shit that's out there!

If he not concerned that you could be stalked, harassed, raped, trapped and intimidated in the women's bathroom by a person-who-says-he-feels-girly-for-an-hour...

If he does not understand that some percentage of males would gleeful enjoy any excuse to do any of the above...

If he has no empathy for any of the above...

your husband is... just pretending to be clueless. I'd start downloading, printing out, and perusing at the dinner table lots of pamphletes about divorce. Don't say anything, just see how clueless he pretends to be. And then divorce him. Why stay married to someone who hates women?

Men pretend all the time not to understand what women need. It's the first tool in their toolbox for acting like a manchild while his wife does all the work of taking care of the manbaby.

I think sometimes feminists make this topic too difficult. I just say to people, "in the current climate, all it takes for a bloke to stride in to the women's showers at the community pool where I am naked and undress right in front of me and wiggle his dangly bits, is for him to claim he feels girly for an hour."

"Most men are decent blokes who are not interested in assaulting women but ask yourself why a DECENT person with a penis would deliberately scare the crap out of random women like that?"

I say it slowly, firmly, clearly, while looking them right in the eye. Calmly.

"I should have the right to set my own sexual boundaries, to set limits, to decide for myself who I disrobe in front of, and who gets naked in front of me. Would you disagree?"

I have never had anybody say no. Try having THAT convo, and if your husband still pretends to be clueless, then... staying married to such a garbage manbaby is up to you.

@ohello I'm going to give this one a go. I'll have to pick my moment, which is shit in itself, but I'm going to try it.

I also think that because we don't have a DD, he doesn't consider the needs of young girls and what kind of a world they will inherit from us.

How frustrating. I don’t have a DP but my Dad gets it completely. He got it firstly from a concern about free speech and noting that certain voices were being silenced. But then he got it further because of having a good knowledge of how dodgy male sexuality can be. He knows. All men know. Even the NAMALT men know.

Your DH is currently unwilling to think. I hope he decides to start thinking.

I think DH thought I was spending too much time on twatter and MN and it was all exaggerated. I chipped away, pointed out real examples whenever possible and he got it. The other day I came in and found him in full flow to his friend about Karen White, totally peak transing him. I was proud.

Stop trying to convince him!

Keep ranting about the various bad things that keep happening. Say you know he might not share your opinion but you have to vent.

Give him space to change his mind without having to admit you are right.

Let's face it, the facts are what peaked most of us, not someone talking us into it.