What is the best term for when a man tells you how raped women feel and should do?

[Lweji]

Apart from mysoginist twat...

I first thought mansplaining, but I'm not quite happy.
I feel it's worse than that.

I think MN should coin a new term.

For context, it was in a discussion about an accusation of anal rape by a well know footballer in the US.

Aparently all raped women want to prosecute and go to court.
It would be funny if not tragic.

God ive only got cunt or fuckwit

Im leaning towards fuckwit as i really should stop using cunt as an insult

And its deffo worse than mansplaining

Scumplaining?

Disgusting victim-blaming piece of shit?

Something i heard here, correctile dysfunction!!

Lol, I’m pinching that.

I’m going for clueless twat who needs to ftfo.

Ask them... how should a male rape survivor behave? 🤔

I like Lady Gaga talking about this in the past week... about the science involved in trauma and what your mind does to the experience and the memories so you can survive. It will do whatever it needs to so you can survive.

I like "correctile dysfunction". It's not too insulting, as the person in question is a colleague.

Apparently, the real victim should forgo any monetary compensation. And it's court, court, court.

Because it works so well, don't you know? Sad LOL.

Most people think they "know" what they'd do in these situations, but it really grated on me that a man (no work with victims, no known study on the subject) would presume to tell a woman how all real rape victims think.

So, I'm letting it off here. Fucker.

Thanks for all the suggestions. :) Very catharthic.

Yes the lady gaga explanation is amazing - it's "the body keeps the score" by Bessel van der kolk in 30 seconds. She nails it

As to the original question I can but sigh

Arrogant maybe? As it's just so incredibly arrogant to imagine you know, or could tell anyone, how they should think or feel in that situation unless you've been in exactly their shoes at that exact moment in time. The sheer ducking arrogance of it.

BTW, I did tell him politely that, as a man, he couldn't say how women victims behave. Then posted a link showing how rape victims underreport and the actual conviction rates.

I hope he's suitably ashamed anyway.

Still...

Yes. "the body keeps the score"

Even my male self defense instructor told us that we can react against assault in different ways. The usual fight or fligh, but also freeze, and I'm sure so many ways.

Nobody knows how they react until they are in the situation.

It’s like telling someone how they should behave when they lose a child... or get cancer.... or any number of painful, hard things...

I know I felt differently when assaulted on different occasions...

Also appeasement they think - the studies into the fight, flight, freeze response were all done on male subjects (or rather they didn't bother thinking about the sex of subjects) and when they've looked at it more recently they think women have an adaptive survival instinct to "keep the peace"

I need to look into it - there was a great piece in Harper's bazaar "why some women make their rapist breakfast in the morning" the other month- the author refers to the "tending instinct"

correctile dysfunction

Fantastic

whenlifegetshard

I heard it called 'tend and befriend'.

Thank you @NotTerfNorCis I'll be looking that up

I tend towards education. I tell a story about a traumatic time (I've been in a fire, also a boat that almost capsized) and how people reacted. Someone fucking useless in everyday life saved everyone and three staff members panicked, acted foolishly and made things worse. Then I smile and say, "only fucking idiots think they know how they would react".

Let them work out who the fucking idiot is.

Oooh. Very interesting. Tend and befriend.
"...protection of offspring (tending) and seeking out the social group for mutual defense (befriending)"

I think that's what I did when I left exH.

"What is the best term for when a man tells you how raped women feel and should do?"

Fuck off.
Or in the words of Kate Nash, "Intelligent input darling, why don't you just have another beer then?"

In all honesty I avoid men like this as far as possible. They are total sexist taunts.

I remember reading what I think might be a version of "tend and befriend" a few years after I'd talked my way out of a very scary situation with a dodgy mini-cab driver. I realised what I'd done instinctively was what they were suggesting as a technique for women making plans to leave an abusive partner: make yourself small, make yourself bland and grey, make yourself blend in with the background, make yourself so dull that you're not a challenge to dominate.

But in answer to your original question Lweji - would "fucking idiotic shit-for-brains arsewipe" cover it?

No terms
Tell him to fuck off
No need to pander to men

The irony of Lady GaGa speaking about Biology was quite amusing. Pity she doesn’t believe in Biology when it comes to people being the Sex they were born into.

@FermatsTheorem

That about covers it.

Meanwhile I've shown DS this thread. For the sake of educating him on how not to speak to women. Or how not to be a fucking twat.