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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

A face as pretty as yours was not meant to frown

28 replies

Brownboots · 06/10/2018 10:36

This came up on my Samsung Upday this morning and has boiled my blood! Should have known better than to click. The URL winds me up - "commuter left kind note".

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6243037/amp/Blonde-ranted-online-commuter-left-kind-note-train-slammed-overreacting.html

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LemonSqueezy0 · 06/10/2018 10:45

It's ridiculous isn't it - the " be grateful, he said you were pretty!" narrative yet again...

Reading the comments, from men and women, makes depressing reading...

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 06/10/2018 10:47

It's just a long winded 'smile' isn't it. Telling a stranger what to do with their face is really insulting. Can't believe the responses. Best skit ever on this.

DH actually had a senior (clearly very strange) colleague tell him to 'smile' the other day. He came home really pissed off and said something along the lines of 'Something happened to me today that I think normally only happens to women and it was really, really annoying'. Also very unprofessional in a work context. I was somewhat cheered that it doesn't only ever happen to women (is that wrong?!).

formerbabe · 06/10/2018 10:51

I'd have been fuming about the note. I'd rather someone tell me to my face to 'smile' so I can tell them to their face to go fuck themself.

Original poster
Brownboots · 06/10/2018 10:52

Comments make me want to weep.

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StarsAndWater · 06/10/2018 10:56

It's just plain creepy. And the whole telling a strange woman to smile assumes that it's what she should be doing in public by default.
Maybe she just got fired, or was on her way to a funeral or simply was having a bad day. Or was lost in thought.
Women do not have to be smiley 24/7 so strangers can see a pretty face being happy.
Its sexist as hell.

FermatsTheorem · 06/10/2018 11:02

The only appropriate response to a note like that is "oh, just fuck off, will you?"

HomeStar · 06/10/2018 11:08

Oh my god, they're such assholes. The "Smile!" contingent, the commenters and the Daily Mail. They're all assholes.

What particularly gets me is - how do they know the woman hasn't just had a death in the family, or a miscarriage? Something that even these assholes would admit is a "legitimate" reason to be sad? The only time I've had this "smile!" shit directed at me recently is when I've been in actual physical pain (I swear, it's like they can smell vulnerability.) Needless to say, being told to smile DID NOT HELP.

It's as if it doesn't compute for them that women have subjective internal experiences and a life which doesn't involve them. It's very strange.

FlowerpotFairyHouse · 06/10/2018 11:08

I dumped someone a few years ago because he said, "You should smile more. You look very pretty when you smile. When you don't, not so much".

Not my job to look pretty.

Sowhatifisaycunt · 06/10/2018 11:09

So a person with a pretty face isn’t permitted to express a whole range of emotions Hmm

Mumminmum · 06/10/2018 11:32

It is so bloody sexist and of course it is not a compliment that a complete stranger thinks he has the right to decide something about your appearance. It is HER face, it belongs to HER and to HER alone not to any random randy fucker who ogles her on the train.

Floisme · 06/10/2018 11:36

It's insidious. I hang out on Style and Beauty a lot and one of the main reasons posters give for using Botox is that they're worried about looking angry.

Serfisafleur · 06/10/2018 12:01

"If the world's letting you down you should smile"

Why. The. fuck. Should. I.

Being told to smile is one of the most emotionally controlling thing to do to someone. And a very male thing to do to women.
You do not own our emotions.
Fuck off.

Serfisafleur · 06/10/2018 12:02

Watching he means of course is "I was obviously oogling you. Why didn't you smile for me?"

AngryAttackKittens · 06/10/2018 12:05

AKA as "how to make a complete stranger want to kick you in the nads".

Why would I smile if I'm not happy? Some arsehole once demanded that I smile when my pet had just died. He's bloody lucky I'm small, because I seriously considered punching him.

Ereshkigal · 06/10/2018 12:08

As a pp said, it's like they can sense when you're vulnerable. It's controlling.

placemats · 06/10/2018 12:10

Men who say this often do it with having the biggest frown lines.

Piss off was my usual response. I did once reply honestly by saying my father has just died.

placemats · 06/10/2018 12:11

I was also six months pregnant at that time.

AngryAttackKittens · 06/10/2018 12:12

There's a certain kind of man who sees a woman (or girl) crying as an opportunity.

I won't say what I think we should do to them, but I think most of you probably have inventive ideas of your own.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/10/2018 12:24

“A face as bellendy as yours was meant to meet a frying pan hard”

I mean isn’t the normal response to seeing someone upset enough for you to want to communicate with them is to ask if they’re ok?

Original poster
Brownboots · 06/10/2018 12:32

He obviously knew he was being a creep because he left a note and wrote on the front to not open for ten seconds. He wanted to be away before she read it.

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wingwarbler · 06/10/2018 12:55

Wanker.

There's a certain kind of man who sees a woman (or girl) crying as an opportunity. 100% AngryAttackKittens

Anyone with genuine concern for her well-being would have asked if she needed any help or given a kindly smile. Not left a creepy and critical note and then done a runner.

And then we have the bold ones who stick around to capitalise on a woman's vulnerability. Makes my skin crawl.

LurkbeaLady · 06/10/2018 13:55

I worked in a customer facing role and a UPS driver regularly delivered to my counter. For years I had all the smile/cheer up shit.

One day I'd had enough and he said "smile for me"or "give me a smile" and I just said "no I don't want to smile for you" ...all of a sudden there a was s real atmosphere and his mask slipped. The other woman I worked with look visibly scared. He must have said something and left.

Having never felt entirely comfortable round this man, afterwards I was genuinely a bit scared. If I saw one of the brown vans, even if I was outside of work I'd be worried it was him.

It got back to my boss and her alongside other team members made me feel I'd done something really wrong....I was glad to leave the job tbh.

LurkbeaLady · 06/10/2018 13:56

Reading that back, I've downplayed it. If I saw i UPS van, until quite recently I would get anxiety.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 06/10/2018 14:02

Attractive women and girls have a duty to be ornamental at all times.

This is behind a lot of stuff -
Women also tell other women to smile >> at work and stuff. Not in the same way as men do it, but they do do it.
Some mums want their girls to wear "pretty" clothes even when they don't wan to.
Many girls who are eg punk goth indie whatever > if it's a big boots baggy clothes look > get a lot of "oh you've got a lovely figure why are you covering it up?

Men are 100% the "smile love" stuff on the street > you are here for me to objectify, you are not a person in your own right
Women do enforce the idea that women should be ornamental pretty heavily though

It's insidious and I hate it.