Does equality mean the end of sharing?

[Bumpitybumper]

I was inspired to create this thread after reading and participating in a few discussions on MN that followed the general theme that equality between the sexes means the end of sharing within a family unit. I've summarised a few examples of what I mean below:

Finances - does the fact that both women and men are now able to build careers and earn money mean that sharing money amongst adults in a relationship/family is now a redundant concept? Should every adult be financially responsible for themselves and their children only and have absolutely no obligation to their partner/spouse?This is particularly pertinent when there is a large disparity in earnings between partners or where one partner has sacrificed their financial position in order to care for the children or support their partner's career.

Names - a growing movement to end the tradition of women adopting their husband's surname upon marriage means that more spouses now have different surnames than each other and there isn't one "family name" that subsequent children may share.

My instinct is that equality shouldn't mean the end of sharing and that it should be possible to ditch the old patriarchal traditions and still be able to merge aspects our lives with our partner to form a solid foundation to build a family. Would definitely be interested in other's thoughts on this subject though..

I'm a feminist but also currently a SAHM (not sure how long I can keep adding the currently), with totally shared finances which feels more equal than monetising our contributions. I have many times been the higher earner. Have kept my own name. DCs have DHs but they certainly don't feel any less shared. I sometimes go by my married name for ease (eg at school) but all identification is in my own name. I felt strongly about not giving up my name when we married 15 years ago but don't actually care anymore at all as our lives are so entwined it makes no difference and my sense of self in a shared partnership is perfectly in tact.

Not sure what this means for society as a whole though.

Should add I've only been a SAHM for two years and don't grapple with it on feminist principles at all.

My DH decided he wanted to change to my family name so we all changed to my mother's maiden name including our children of course when they were born.

@paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking
The name thing is interesting isn't it as obviously it's possible for a man and woman to keep their own surnames on marriage, but then when kids come along unless you double barrel then it becomes tricky and one parent's name is usually used. I was thinking in retrospect I wish my DH and I had both adopted a new surname that we could pass on to our children that belonged equally to both of us. This solution wouldn't probably be attractive to everyone though I suppose.

The sharing names thing seems to have been pretty one-sided sharing until now. I don't see what's wrong with doing it differently.

I also don't see why having two earners in a family would mean people don't want to combine their incomes.

Yes I agree, double barrelling is fine but how long does that go on for? double barrelling the double barrelled etc. Someone has to compromise. I guess subconsciously I was happy to give them DH's name because when they were tiny, me and the children, were very easily identifiable as a unit, I'm not sure it's fair for men to be dismissed so readily in the process. My feminism is a kind which wants equality and fairness for all. I don't think there is a winning argument to this unless it becomes the norm to choose a family name..which sounds rather nice!

@OunceOfFlounce
also don't see why having two earners in a family would mean people don't want to combine their incomes.
I think the arguments were largely about adults having personal responsibility to financially support themselves and not live off another adult. The thread about this was mainly focused on divorce and the splitting of marital assets where there has been a disparity in earnings and wealth.

Never seen the sense in not sharing money when you're a couple, but I suppose it doesn't work for everyone.
I've definitely benefited from that arrangement more than DH though.

I also don't have a problem with children being given mother's names. I don't care either way. My relationship with my husband was always very equal and mutually respectful so naming the children wasn't something I gave any thought to.