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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Being kind

35 replies

Minerva1234 · 03/10/2018 07:09

The idea of 'kindness' seems to have taken a sinister turn recently.

Why does 'being kind' require one set of people to overwrite their perception of reality in deference to another set of people?

What determines which of the two groups is expected to 'be kind' and which group expects kindness from others?

Where does it all end? If someone who is five foot two believes they are six foot six, does 'kindness' compel me to agree with them? Why should kindness trump reality?

OP posts:
KatVonGulag · 03/10/2018 07:16

Being kind = agree with me or else

MoltenLasagne · 03/10/2018 07:16

They say "be kind" but what they really mean is "be compliant". You know, like women are trained and emotionally manipulated into being from birth.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 03/10/2018 07:20

It's a power thing.
Like the word respect can mean 'do what I say' if the person saying it has power or 'treat me like a human being' if not.
So 'you dont respect me and I won't respect you ' actually means 'you don't do what I say so I don't treat you as a human being'.

BlackeyedSusan · 03/10/2018 07:20

bit like toddler dd: share=give yours to me. she grew out of it when still a toddler. Shame some people have never learned those lessons.

SunsetBeetch · 03/10/2018 07:25

I get this a lot from young lib fems too. I'm not being NICE to trans women, why can't I just be NICE and inclusive? When I haven't said anything remotely unkind, I'm just being factual and objective about my concerns with self ID.

BingBongSong · 03/10/2018 07:26

Sweary put it very succinctly in the Standing for Women meeting, when she said "well I say "fuck kind "".

It's only this year I've started to tell my dc that the most important thing is not to be kind, but to be able to stand up for yourself.

MIdgebabe · 03/10/2018 07:28

(Putting on my hard hat on again here) good grief, we are women. It is our role to be kind and dumb. Society expects it.

Prestonsflowers · 03/10/2018 07:36

Well then it’s about time women stopped being ‘kind’ and start telling the truth.
Love sweary’s answer

HamiltonCork · 03/10/2018 07:39

Being kind all the time is completely overrated as you just end up being treated like a doormat.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 03/10/2018 07:40

The more I am told to be "nice" and "kind", the less likely I am to be either.

I'm a reasonably pleasant person, generally. Tell me to "be nice" and I'll want to headbutt you.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 03/10/2018 07:41

'It's a power thing.
Like the word respect can mean 'do what I say' if the person saying it has power or 'treat me like a human being' if not.'

Excellently put, Superloud.

ChilliJamandAvocado · 03/10/2018 07:45

"Kindness" seems to be a one way street Hmm

Anyway, I will say I think there's a diff between being kind & being nice. Being kind at least means telling the truth, albeit in a gentle way. Being nice = compliant doormat (or red carpet in the case of trans issues).

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 03/10/2018 07:50

m.youtube.com/watch?v=2lWkV2QpgQo
Nice is a better word for feminized compliance

BesmirchingMotherhood · 03/10/2018 07:51

Yep, what Sweary said. Fuck kind.

powershowerforanhour · 03/10/2018 07:52

When it comes to not wanting to go out with people, I think I'll teach my daughter to say, "Thanks for the offer but I don't fancy you and I don't want to go out with you" rather than imploring her to "be kind". Saves a lot of precious time (and I wasn't even particularly sought after).

ChilliJamandAvocado · 03/10/2018 07:56

Power, I would say that phrase is kind. It's truthful and sparing unnecessary hurt feelings.

TonnoEMaionese · 03/10/2018 08:05

I tell my son that if anyone's telling you to do anything, whether that's 'be kind' or 'share' or 'get out of my way' or 'dunk your head in a bucket of water', you need to step back and think about it - because you are responsible for your own actions.

I also tell him to consider the source of any order/information, and what motivations there might be behind it, and if they behave in the way they're asking him to behave.

Being kind is something to strive for, being unthinkingly obedient and self-sacrificial so a bully gets what they want, not so much..

FlowerpotFairyHouse · 03/10/2018 08:05

I think people are often guilty of conflating nice and kind.

Nice = don't upset someone at any cost

Kind = being truthful but considerate of the feelings of others in doing so

Nice = ignoring your own boundaries to centre others

Kind = considerate of others whilst respecting your own boundaries

They don't want us to be kind at all.
I would say:

Nice = TWAW (and I'll parrot it whether I believe it or not)

Kind = I will respect other people's right to present how they wish; i won't discriminate; i won't mock or deride; but I draw the line at calling them a woman because they are not and that is my boundary

FlowerpotFairyHouse · 03/10/2018 08:11

powershowerforanhour

Your suggested response is kind. It just isn't 'nice'.

FlowerpotFairyHouse · 03/10/2018 08:14

I also tell him to consider the source of any order/information, and what motivations there might be behind it, and if they behave in the way they're asking him to behave

Yes.

I also think that kindness is something you give of yourself not something you demand of others. It's down to the individual to determine where their boundaries lie.

Niceness is demanded because that doesn't give a shit about the person expected to be nice.

IdaBWells · 03/10/2018 08:21

I was shocked today listening to the radio interview Posie gave and the FEMALE interviewer no less saying basically "can't we just be kind?". Posie said "it's not about kindness it's about rights" but I think someone else was speaking at the same time so it was not very clear.

Women like this interviewer who mean well have not woken up yet to the fact that they are being emotionally manipulated by an extremist male dominated lobby who have NO intention of reciprocating in kind (no pun intended!)

sausagebap · 03/10/2018 08:35

It’s convenient how the calls for kindness ever only go one way; I don’t see the handmaidens bleating for the TRAs to stop sending any women who disagrees with them death threats, rape threats, doxxing them, etc. I wonder why 🤔

gendercritter · 03/10/2018 08:40

I have spent a lifetime trying to be kind. I am, generally, incredibly kind. It has been to my detriment a lot of the time - this board has been making me realise just how much so. My god but I've been walked all over at various times in my life.

Finally I am moving away from being kind. The scales have well and truly fallen from my eyes. I feel relieved and think I have more rigid boundaries suddenly.

I keep seeing 'be kind' all over social media and I want to drag those women posting that message over here, sit them down and tell them to read everything.

Sometimes being kind is important. But having boundaries and self-respect is more important much of the time.

WetWang · 03/10/2018 08:43

Well I've been banned this morning from the hell that is twitter for not being kind. All I have done is re tweet what other people have tweeted about the war on women, I've never commented on anything or slagged anybody off but iv'e been told by twitter staff i'm not nice and have broken the rules lol. I'm glad actually because since I found twitter my blood pressure has risen and I 've feel agitated all the time. I will stick to Mumsnet because at least you get a decent convo without being called a slag, whore, slut or cunt ( well most of the time anyway) Although i've noticed in the last week or so new posters who have joined who are obviously men trying to get a reaction. Let's not rise to the bait .

LangCleg · 03/10/2018 08:43

They say "be kind" but what they really mean is "be compliant".

Indeed. And I am not good at compliance.

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