Let's talk some non-trans feminism - women and sex

[QuentinWinters]

I've been thinking about women's sexuality a lot recently.
Not the "am-I-gay-or-straight" sexuality but how women have sex.
In "Testosterone Rex" Cordelia Fine says that feminists make the best lovers because they know what they want.
While I agree, I can't help thinking that there are societal factors that pressure women to act more passive.
For example this reporting that women on top is dangerous. A woman on top is a woman in control. Some men find that threatening and science backs them up (except it doesnt)
graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/science-says-girl-top-position-dangerous-call-bullshit/
I also thought about this article describing how women who want to be dominant sex partners may think they are men as a result.

purplesagefem.wordpress.com/2015/07/22/on-lesbian-lust-and-identifying-as-male/

I'm very confused about how socialization has affected me personally when it comes to expressing my sexual preferences/needs and desires. It feels like women's needs are increasingly being marginalised by porn and if I feel like that as a 40-odd year old i can't imagine what it's like for our teens.

Do others agree that a woman asserting her sexual desires is threatening? How can we protect our daughters from socialization that girls should be passive And accepting?

'Our hypothesis is that when woman is on top she usually controls the movement with her entire body weight landing on the erect penis, not being able to interrupt it when the penis suffers a wrong way penetration, because the harm is usually minor in woman with no pain but major in the penis,'

I spent a month recovering from post-coital cystitis once: two courses of different antibiotics because the first course failed and two corresponding courses of thrush treatment to treat the antibiotic-induced thrush. He was on top.

I get post-coital cystitis a lot, to the point that I can't have sex after about 6pm because I need to drink and pee several times before I sleep, I can't have sex within three days of last having sex because I need to allow abraded tissue to recover between sessions, and I have nitrofurantoin-resistant bacteria from all the antibiotics I've taken for cysitis. If the bacteria become trimethoprim-resistant, I will have to stop having sex, which realistically means "no more boyfriends" because what man will want a sexless relationship? (I don't want a sexless relationship either but I need working kidneys.) This is why I get so enraged when Greer downplays the seriousness of rape (especially rape in a relationship): a man can make me physically ill for a month by deciding that he doesn't want to wait until morning, it's not physically harmless.

"Usually minor in women" my arse. Men do not understand and do not WANT to understand just how dangerous sex is for us.

You know, ive never worked out how to think of England.

Think of the Brexit negotiations maybe?
I'm surprised there are men who don't like women on top, it's a pretty basic position, and given my admittedly limited personal experience, has always been popular.
I have heard of a few cases of damaged penises where the woman was on top.
Apparently leads to a lot of blood everywhere...

I would think most women have had a sex related injury or illness, surely? It's ok for men to take a small risk, too.

I remember it being accepted knowledge that sex could cause cystitis. Usually of the man-on-top, "vigorous" variety, or if your partner wasn't as clean as he could be.

I also remember "rough sex" being discussed as a risk factor for cervical cancer. Has this been debunked, or is it just not talked about any more? So much of sex education has been hijacked by advocacy groups, as well as religious influences.

I remember it being accepted knowledge that sex could cause cystitis. Usually of the man-on-top, "vigorous" variety, or if your partner wasn't as clean as he could be.

Or if your urethra is pretty much in your vaginal vestibule. I was startled to see photos of other women (educational, not porny) whose urethras were at least a centimetre further forwards than mine.

Surely this is a very Pornified version of the woman being on top? I don't think women are "slamming their full body weight" on to their partner's penis just because they are on top? Or am I very behind the times?!

On a practical level, my main concern is how do I steer DS through adolescence with the clear moral framework that most of what's on porn hub is misogynistic abuse and not a good model for a happy, mutually enjoyable sex life?
Sorry to resurrect an old thread - you have to tell him that sex is not like porn. It'll embarrass him and he'll go to his friends to ask if it's true but it's about the only thing you can do.
I've had conversations with adult men (the long term single type) to explain sex is not like porn. Those who aren't virgins assume they're missing out, and there is a girl out there who will do everything he's seen online and more. Those who are virgins assume all sex is like that.
If he's old enough and not phased by the idea of gore, tell him the girls in the valley who shoot porn all the time literally have their anuses surgically repaired on a monthly basis. I'm still trying to find the article I read that in, it was a doctor in the area. Strangely it seems to have been buried deep in the internet...