Find it so bloody rude

[tryingtotakeitonthechin]

Not entirely sure this is in the correct section, so apologies if not...
But just had a visit from our big boss.
There’s myself and a man that run our business. I’ve been here longer, know more and perform better than my colleague (nothing against him, but he’s only been in the job a few weeks compared to my years so expect he’ll get there eventually)
So I’m in a different location now, with a new boss who I’ve never met before and I’m still bloody reeling from how he made me feel.
He comes in and shakes my male colleagues hand, totally ignores me.
Eventually he asks me to make the drinks, fair enough, I did.
Then he starts asking about things that happened a few weeks ago, before male colleague started in the business, so I’ve briefly answered these questions, then every single time the boss has turned his back on me and taken the conversation forward with my male colleague.
Me and male colleague are both equal.
He’s directed every single question to male colleague and when I’ve tried to speak to mention anything he’s talked over me.
He then asks male colleague to sit down and go through paperwork with him. Paperwork that I have completed entirely on my own, and colleague doesn’t know anything about as he’s not been in the job long enough to know our record systems.
Then he goes to leave, shakes male colleagues hand, nods a goodbye to me.
THEN he has the cheek to send an email to say that it seemed a bit “tetchy” in the office today and to ask if there was any reason why it was so uncomfortable visiting today.
Never in my life have I experienced this before.
It’s made me really cross!

I’m just worried about making it an awkward working relationship.

Stop with the female socialisation.

Men respect people that are direct and tell it how it is. Just be neutral about it. He has congratulated a colleague for your work, does he realise? You can understand he was making him feel welcome however it's still your work he was attributing to the man in the room.

I think maybe I wasn’t assertive enough with the hand shake.
He shook my colleagues hand and at the same time just gave me a little nod of hello.
He didn’t attempt to come over. Maybe I should have walked over to him. We were only about a metre apart tho.
I just felt uncomfortable the whole time I was there.
Old boss much less formal, no hand shaking, just a hello and catch up with everyone at the same time, asking and listening to people in turn.
Exactly the same job, but different location.

Can people stop saying that this was what it was like in the 70's. I started working in the 70's and I didn't know anyone who would have put up with this kind of behaviour

This is exactly the kind of situation where you have to be a difficult woman.

Your whole reputation is currently going down the toilet with your male colleagues because you are letting yourself be fucked over. They will have no respect for you. You are allowing yourself to be placed as the office junior. I have worked in male dominated industries for years so pkease believe me that your desire to be a seen as a nice lady will potentially fuck your job there in the next 24hours.

I would tackle this locally. Have it out with the men in your office. You could take the furious faced not so much angry as disappointed at their failure to tackle the boss's mistakes about who is most senior and who knows what.

Screw awkwardness. One of the benefits of working with men is that they are often a lot better at getting over a roasting than women are. In any case you need the atmosphere to be awkward for a little while though. They should feel bad.

Your aim is to get the men in the office to reply to big boss saying thanks for making new boy welcome but of course our amazing senior person trying did all the work and is doing an excellent job of teaching new boy the ropes, as you'll no doubt find out when you spend time with her next time.

This makes local boss look good for standing up for his people. It makes you look good to big boss as a respected senior person. It puts liar new boy in his box.

They know it was wrong but they don't know how to behave to fix it. Tell them. Tell them firmly. Look cross. Be awkward. Make it clear you know that they are good guys but this must be fixed because it makes you look shit.

Long term awkwardness will be avoided by getting them to feel they are taking the high ground by correcting big boss's confusion.

Above all, act today! Do not take it on the chin. Do not let anyone leave the office today without knowing something has to be done.

I’ve just spoken to local boss on the phone.
Told him what happened. He said he’ll mention to other boss (not big boss).
So watch this space!
I’ve just told him I felt uncomfortable, I felt ignored, told him about the paperwork issue and that I was left very unhappy with the whole situation.
I know local boss is v v happy with my work, so hoping this will help.

Good result

But please do reply on the email. If only to say you have had a chat with local boss.

And new guy needs to be told it's not acceptable to take over your work too.

Good for you. I would follow up with a quick friendly email to local boss to say thanks for taking this forward, much appreciated, looking forward to hearing the outcome of your chat.

A visitor walked into a busy office, walked straight up to me and asked me to make him a cup of tea. He'd had a rotten journey, poor love.

The room went silent as I stared at him, blankly.

Someone murmured: "Don't bother taking off your coat, mate. She's the boss and you just failed the test."

Nice one OP. Definitely let the new guy know where he went wrong in the meeting. Let him know his email is incorrect. Then next time the boss comes over there's no excuse for allowing him to defer to him, and for taking credit for your work.

A visitor walked into a busy office, walked straight up to me and asked me to make him a cup of tea. He'd had a rotten journey, poor love.

The room went silent as I stared at him, blankly.

Someone murmured: "Don't bother taking off your coat, mate. She's the boss and you just failed the test.

This happened to me when I was promoted. I arrived in the conference room to lead my first meeting and a couple of fellas 20 years my senior asked me to "make us a pot of coffee will you dear".

OP, you really need to get some assertiveness training fast. I mean it.

I understand that you were taken by surprise by these two misogynists but even afterwards you were more concerned about creating a bad atmosphere than establishing your boundaries.

And no, this wasn't my experience of the seventies either.

I’m still reeling about it to be honest.
I’ve done lots of male dominated jobs before and always been treated equally.
I’d say this is a more female dominated job, but in a male industry, eg gambling establishment type place.
So I’m surprised that with all the women here the big boss acts like this.
Perhaps he was so happy to see a man he forgot himself 🤷‍♀️
But taken on board re being more assertive.

Just to clarify, it’s not a gambling establishment, but it’s similar in that there’s a lot of female staff running the place, but it’s a business used mostly by men!