Call for gender critical people in Cambridge, UK

[maniacmagpie]

DISCLAIMER: am not a mum and am relatively young. Have lurked intermittently here and in other feminism spaces, largely interacting with other young people (student age). Due to my age, my main exposure to these issues is from the point of view of someone moving in young liberal spaces, and my call is phrased accordingly, rather than among adult women who have a more tangible experience of systematic sexism in society, medicine and life. PLEASE let me know if this not the appropriate place for this request, and I will step back.

This is a message that I have started to spread: I have not generally been a social person and so am finding it relatively difficult to get started on contacting people. If I can get in contact with other people who share my concerns in person that would be great: if not, I will do what I can.

"Hello.

I am a student at Cambridge University. I have been left-leaning my whole adult life. I have been supportive of trans rights for years. I have always believed, and continue to firmly believe, that discrimination on the basis of being trans is unacceptable; trans people should have access to the care that they need, and do not deserve to be treated as lesser people on the basis of who they are.

Despite this, I have become increasingly alarmed by the discourse surrounding trans activism. For many years I crushed my own thoughts about misogyny, my doubts about my own understanding of sexism, with the thoughts that I must not ‘get’ it as a ‘cis’ female. I believed - or rather, forced myself to believe, when I couldn’t truly believe - that trans people, and specifically trans women, completely understand what it means to be the gender they identify with.

I no longer believe this. Please, before you dismiss me as a bigot, hear me out.

I no longer believe womanhood is a mystical force that can be detached at will from the reality of the female body, I do not believe that femininity is the target of misogyny, because non-conforming women suffer still from misogyny. I do not believe that even trans men are able to escape all misogyny and their own socialisation by transitioning - they are still able to be, and indeed have been, targeted by sexual violence in a way that only male-bodied people can visit on female-bodied people - reproductive violence, that can result in pregnancy, and the associated policing of bodily autonomy that comes with that. I believe that trans women are the targets of misogyny when it is assumed they are female bodied, and homophobia and fear when they are assumed to be male. I do not believe that it is reasonable, or appropriate, to demand that natal women stop talking about reproductive violence due to this misdirected misogyny. I do not believe that this statement is transphobic.

I believe that transphobia - job discrimination, verbal abuse and violence - is unacceptable. However, I strongly disagree that certain actions that are labelled as transphobic among progressives, are transphobic at all. I believe, not only that homosexual men and women have every right to reject opposite-sexed people as sexual and romantic partners, but also that the demands circulated among many progressive forums are damaging to young people’s understanding of their sexuality. Specifically, the toxic combination of female socialisation, lack of resources for isolated girls, and pornsick fetishisation of lesbianism for the consumption of men makes lesbian youth vulnerable to manipulation and gaslighting from mainstream LGBT+ groups, illustrated by the horrific discourse about the ‘cotton ceiling’. Not wanting to sleep with someone is not violence. Inclusivity is not something that is expressed through access to your body. I do not believe that in normal conversation it is at all reasonable to demand that any person, trans or otherwise, talk about their genitals - but sexual relationships are another matter. Sexual relationships should only be engaged with by two willing and enthusiastic participants. Human sexuality is, and should be, exclusive and not a target for guilt-tripping.

I believe that specific difficulties are presented to trans people that they should have the resources to deal with and spaces to talk about. However, I also believe that specific difficulties are presented to female people on the basis of their bodies - and that discussion of these issues is not transphobia. Naming reproductive violence for what it is, campaigning for better understanding of female medical issues in the face of the huge male bias of modern medicine, and recognition of the economic and social penalties endured by female people specifically on the basis of being physically female and not due to an inner identity, is not transphobia.

Gender hurts. Gender is a system designed to trap and control female people from birth through childhood, adolescence, adulthood and old age, because of their reproductive capabilities. This system did not fall from the heavens; it was created by males, to benefit males. Women have always, and continue to, suffer under this system - our economic power restricted, our lives at the mercy of men, our bodies policed, our voices ignored - because we are female, because we are chattel, because of those who believe we are lesser. Gender is the reinforcement of sex stereotypes, that women have fought against and will continue to fight against, as long as it exists.

Many males suffer under this system - gender non-conforming males are at inordinate risk of violence, generally from other males - due to stepping out of line. Boys who show emotion are punished for it. Gender hurts - gender is not a fun hat to take on and off, gender kills boys and men for behaving the wrong way, and girls and women for both resisting and capitulating. Gender is not a fun toy to play with and to swap around. Gender is a system designed to break us down.

‘Pussy grabs back’ - women cry - because the President of the United States said ‘grab them by the pussy’. Not ‘grab them by the feminine essence’ or ‘grab them by the girl brain’ or ‘grab them by the emotional intelligence’. Grab them by the pussy. Grab this creature who exists for his consumption and pleasure, by the only thing that gives them value in his eyes. Focusing on this does not make women genital obsessed. Pointing out that this is the root of our oppression is not transmisogyny. Recognising that we are treated this way because of our bodies is not a statement that it is the most important aspect of our selves, but a declaration that we are more than our bodies - and that we must be able to name the problem in order to combat the problem. Saying ‘this pussy grabs back’ is not transphobia. Recognising the extreme sexism of powerful men is not transphobia.

I retain a deep sympathy for those who suffer with dysphoria and deal with it in the best way they can. My stance on trans identities is roughly that of a medicalist. I believe that trans people are fully deserving of respect, the same rights as every other person, and freedom from discrimination. I believe that what is being asked, by certain noisy factions of trans rights extremists, is not a call for respect but rather a call for excessive privileges at the expense largely of natal females, and a targeted bullying of lesbian females and homosexual males. I do not believe that it is transphobic to point this out.

I do not believe in brain sex, but even if I did I think it is irrelevant - if you carved open a woman to find a clearly, obviously male brain with MAN branded in big blue letters, she would still have suffered sexism based on her body. To those who believe this to be true, that they are ‘born in the wrong body’ and the only way to alleviate this is transition, I respect your autonomy and your right to live as you feel best, but must say this: sexism visited on a man in a woman’s body is no worse than sexism visited on a woman in a woman’s body. Sexism hurts ‘cis’ women as much as it hurts female-bodied people who identify otherwise. I do not believe this is a transphobic thing to say.

I want to raise awareness and spark discussion in Cambridge, both in and outside the University. I want to discuss these issues, in light of the gender self-ID consultation, the silencing of A Women’s Place UK, the violence perpetrated upon women who speak out, and the vitriol being circulated against gender critics. I invite natal women, natal men, trans women, trans men, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, questioning, otherwise - anyone who wants to discuss, debate or just acknowledge this topic - to contact me. My wish is to provide a space to debate and discuss these topics outside the false dichotomy of the ‘conservative right’ and the ‘progressive left’. I want to reach out to the women suffering from misogyny, men suffering from enforcement of toxic masculinity, and trans, lesbian and gay people who are being failed by conservative families on the right and by ‘queer identity’ theorists on the left who describe their reality as transphobic, who feel silenced and unable to speak out without being branded as either morally disgusting or as bigots.

Please spread this. PM me. I want to talk. I’m reaching out. I will use the tag ‘gender hurts uk’ (on tumblr, where my blog is 'yourledgerisdripping'), or privately message those of you who reach out to me.

Gender hurts."

[AnchorMum]

Brilliant work on Saturday Magpie. I love reading your posts and hearing your thoughts.

So pleased you met with the mum of a transman and made such a close connection and found so much in common. I can really relate to that!

[kesstrel]

Just wanted to second that your posts and thoughts are really insightful and interesting! I suspect a lot more people are reading than posting responses. I have a DD at uni, so all this is fascinating.

[Manderleyagain]

If you still want to be put in touch with GC students I've seen something about students at Victoria uni in Canada. The women's centre was replaced by a gender fluid centre or something. There is a uvic womyns centre twitter account with the handle @uvicwomyn I think they are radfem students trying to organise.

[maniacmagpie]

Thanks, I'll note that down. I appreciate knowing about all these groups even though they're far away, so I can give them a little solidarity at least.

Just want to add a shoutout to the lurkers - I get private messages from others who tell me, over and over, that they cannot speak out, whether due to social repercussions or even fear for their jobs, and the media silence makes them feel like they're going mad. Solidarity to you all, you are not alone.

They can call ideological disagreement hateful, declare us morally corrupt and bigoted, call our words violence, it doesn't make it true. They do not have a monopoly on compassion and empathy, no matter how much they pretend they do.

[maniacmagpie]

Yo gals.

Today was...interesting. By and large the response from people who were coming to talk was positive. However, I'm definitely provoking an increasing amount of rage from students who oppose me.

I mentioned that a few weeks ago five students came to follow me around King's Parade. One came back - a woman's officer who I had an email exchange with - to tell me that she's informed the CUSU Women's officer (don't really know whether there's one in charge, or a team?) because of what I've been doing. She says that what I've been doing is horribly unfair on the trans and gender non-conforming students in King's. Her rage was really palpable. We'd had an email exchange; I don't think I conducted myself terribly well, but she's come to the conclusion that there's no point talking to me any more (and said so) so when I tried to argue about whether I'm gender conforming, whether I might possibly care, she did not wish to engage.

I'm not entirely sure what she wants to happen though. Is someone going to tell me to get off the street? Ask college to discipline me? Ask my department to deal with me? I really don't know.

I'm happy (perhaps 'happy' is the wrong term...) to defend myself against accusation and am reasonably confident that I have support from some students for speaking out, but it's still saddening.

I got a similarly rageful vibe from another female of student age walking by. Both middle fingers on the first pass, just a yell of 'shit' at me on the second.

The chat interactions today were positive; one with a GP, who mentioned how he'd made a terrible faux pas by referring to a 'gentleman' on the phone when enquiring about oestrogen for a very male-appearing person with the pharmacist. The transwoman corrected him to 'lady', but was very gentle and respectful - the GP was very apologetic but the person in question seemed quite cheerfully accepting that it was not said in malice. It says something that I'd really expected that anecdote to go totally south and the relief that I felt that it had turned out alright was in some ways, disappointing. I think a lot of people are sick of having to defend over and over again the fact that there are respectful transsexuals.

A man commented on women's sport; he has two daughters, and has suspicions about the level playing field. I've seen it said that sport is a starting point that works well with men who on the whole are more interested in sport. It also seems to be the case with parents that they really understand what effect role models have on their children.

I also had this discussion with a couple of younger looking boys. I did not have the opportunity to ask their age; at a guess by the friendship circle that came to pick them up, I think they were not university students but school age, but I can't be sure. They spoke of how the gender 'spectrum' seemed not to make any sense - male and female don't have to reflect on your personality or tastes, and as long as you don't follow up with enforcing behaviour, what is the problem?

One interesting and extremely long conversation I had was with an 18 year old fresher; his opener was 'are you TERFs'? I asked him what he meant, and he seemed to have only a vague feeling of 'this is a term I have seen thrown about and I have no idea what's going on', so I explained my viewpoint and why people think it makes me a terrible person. He seemed genuinely interested, and we continued the chat over coffee. The points we discussed were essentially all reasonable; when do rights collide? Is it what's inside that counts? Are you in fact being transphobic by stating that you don't hold the same beliefs? They were not accusatory comments, just a genuine curiosity about what it means to have conflicting beliefs, and we had a good hashing out of what it means to silence debate, fundamentalism, and the danger of echo chambers.

I encouraged him to see the other side not out of my mouth, because of course that's not necessarily a fair representation, but he was shocked by the things I said about silencing, the things people have said to me, the violence at Speaker's Corner, the doxxing of Posie Parker.

I spoke to someone about the same age as me - graduated rather than continuing, but I think it's pertinent because we both remember the prevailing mood being nothing like as toxic as it is now. He commented in a slightly tongue-in-cheek way that in some ways the best thing to happen for the argument could be for someone to drag me off the sign (I reiterate, I have no intention of being a martyr). Like me he had started to get very frustrated with the 'left' silencing everything - the example he mentioned was a debate involving Nigel Farage, where students just blared instruments over the whole thing so that nobody could hear anything, and how ridiculous it seemed. We have robust arguments against xenophobia. We should be able to talk him down without resorting to this.

My take on today is that more and more people are being driven over to the dark side (we have cookies!) by the increasingly aggressive actions of activists...and in response the activists are getting increasingly aggressive and closing ranks even harder.

It's so sad. My concerns are genuine and I have nowhere to go. My LGBT+ officer won't talk to me. I'm awaiting a talking to by CUSU Women. I've resorted to yelling like a maniac on the street, essentially, and I see over and over people expressing the same view; we cannot speak, we cannot debate, we are not unreasonable people but this is getting too much, other people have rights and other people have problems and this is crazy. The number of random people just coming and shaking my hand - we know what the hell is up.

Obviously it is a fair thing to say that I am also escalating. I never would have sat out in the street with a frickin sign in the past and if you'd said I would be a political activist a year ago, I would have laughed my head off. I'm not budging off my spot. They're welcome to try to remove me, but short of calling the police or attacking me I don't know what they think is going to happen. I already removed the avenue of being socially ostracised by not using social media, and having a small friendship circle. I know about the possibility of doxxing and I can't pretend I'm not afraid, but they haven't been able to use this fear to shut me up.

I'm not going to pretend it doesn't affect me negatively. I consider whether what I'm doing is necessary every time I go out (to be honest, every day), and I really honestly think it's necessary. They do not get to pretend that they aren't hurting anyone. I am not going to accept that. We do not accept that.

Female rights and freedom of belief aren't going down on our watch without a fight.

[TallulahWaitingInTheRain]

Yep things are escalating. Take care of yourself.

Here is the I would buy you if I were to run into you.

[Manderleyagain]

Thank you again. The school age boys you spoke to pretty much describe the gender critical view that most people on this board share. Ok not necessarily the rad fem gender is a heirarchy of oppression bit, but the 'there are two sexes and personalities are a spectrum which shouldn't have to relate to sex' bit. It's the common sense view which people know instinctively. There was a thread on here of mums saying how their teenage and student children don't really believe all this stuff and think the enbies etc are attention seekers. Lots of women posting that experience. It just shows how strange (and ultimately unsustainable) the situation is.
I want to reply to your posts properly soon, they are always so good.

[cockBlocker]

Hats off to you once again for going out there and fighting our corner. I remember about a week ago Dr Stock posted on Twitter saying if there were any student radfem groups they should contact her so they can be put in touch with each other, perhaps this would be useful for you and you can get some support?

[cockBlocker]

Here we are, found it:
twitter.com/Docstockk/status/1062043929460252672

[Laceythesheep]

I am sorry that I have ledt Cambridge so I can’t come and have a natter. People do wonder why these really clever people are being taken in so much by the TRA movement and its nice to see you explain its because of the narrowness of their particular areas of intellect.

[maniacmagpie]

Laceythesheep your online support means a lot to me .

cockBlocker thanks - I'm running around like a madwoman with other things at the moment but I've got my eye on the suggestions people are posting here and in other threads for people to network with.

Manderleyagain for the record I have a great weakness for chocolate cake. Small slices only, I am child sized. (Not a hint to anyone in the area...really)

I just had a FABULOUS evening talking gender critical/radfem politics with a long time friend and a new friend who heard of me through 'toiletgate'. Apparently she's been sending her female friends my email and seeing what the response is, and most women are agreeing that third spaces are the sensible thing.

What was super interesting to me was the fact that she probably would not have thought too much about it - until she saw how aggressively I was dogpiled on. The accusations of my 'sleight of hand' to hide a transphobic agenda, the virtue-signalling men on facebook talking behind my back about what a terrible person I was. I talked frankly and freely about the fact that this is nothing I didn't expect. We went deep, deep down the rabbithole - the silencing, the lack of safeguarding (she herself is studying education so she knows what the normal process is for dealing with confused children and it is absolutely not just to give them what they think they want!), the obvious possibility for the abuse of the system, the primacy of the mind over the body - everything. She'd been reading second-wave feminism and was talking about how deeply it spoke to her, was vaguely aware of liberal feminism and how it seemed so often to boil down to 'do exactly the same thing as before but now it is feminism', but was unaware of the real state of things and how toxic the debate was.

My longtime friend and I came separately to GC views. We had a long heart to heart about how much we'd both been subject to and participated in all the issues of choosey-choice feminism. We discussed how we'd both in our own way hurt other women and ourselves, and each other. I definitely judged her more harshly in so many ways than the men around me. I was misogynist, and still am; trying to work through it and notice it will be a task for the rest of my life. I'm fighting my conditioning and I think I will always need to be wary of it.

We learn and heal, and try to teach and heal each other.

[AnchorMum]

You are amazing - I'm just in awe of what you're doing Magpie. You seem a
beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for standing up for women (chocolate cake)

[maniacmagpie]

Eeeeeee sorry Tallulah, and also AnchorMum, I'm thanking for the cake. And Manderley - yes I agree with you about the fact the boys hold not radical feminist views but are simply materialist. I'll take that as a supporting statement at least. I am sure, even though we should focus on danger to girls and women, that boys and men are likely to be uncomfortable if I get my tits out in the changing room, or clean off my period disasters whilst they've got their flies unzipped at the urinals. Not that it's feminism's job to fix men's discomfort, but I think we should remind men that this issue will affect them too. I wonder how many men suddenly realised they had no desire whatsoever to have me at the sink bloody-handed when they're vulnerable, on nothing but my say-so, when I pointed this out explicitly. This is definitely an arena in which men's hyper-focus on the importance of their own feelings is helpful...it shouldn't be the whole reason, but at least it's another reason. I do keep an eye on the fact that it's not symmetrical, the danger is much less.

Your comment on young people's views on attention seeking is interesting. I don't know myself how much I think is honest attention 'need' vs 'desire'. Are these people lacking something in their life that gives them this 'need' to be believed? Is it truly an injury to them to be told they are wrong? I really do believe it hurts some of them. That doesn't mean I won't do it, because they are hurting other people (mainly girls and women) and anyway it really really should not be my problem that bare, simple descriptive terms are so painful to see.

I aired some thoughts on it with a friend - the idea of being unchallenged, believed completely, if you're the 'weird' kid who doesn't fit in in some way must be deeply alluring, but wouldn't it be uncomfortable too? I couldn't make myself believe something like that. My views can always be challenged. How can you sell someone, anyone, not least yourself, the idea that someone can be believed without question? How can you say 'I am who I say I am' without the barest hint of doubt? Maybe that doubt is there, and this is why it hurts so much for someone to push that doubt back to the surface. It's nicer emotionally to run back to the people who reassure you that you're right and that I'm wrong, but you'd always be fighting that creeping doubt.

I honestly think these people need attention, but not the type they want. I think someone who really can't be reminded that they are male or female needs help and lots of it, but should not be allowed to mess up everyone else's space on the way there. I've known people with truly toxic problems. They needed help. They hurt me very deeply on a personal level, and had no right to do that, but that does not negate the fact that they did need attention. Just not from me, and not at my expense.

I'm musing on it all again because the student activists who I've seen a few times are getting increasingly palpably angry and I'm curious to see how they plan to escalate (I am still waiting to see what they think that CUSU Women can do about me). I am faintly saddened, but not terribly sympathetic, since they seem perfectly well happy to say so many terrible things to and about people with our views, designed to hurt us. We are fair game. It's so me me me. Don't we have lived experiences? Don't we have the right to be believed? What about our feelings? What about how upset women and girls are about the idea that we identify into sexism - what about the violence of that borderline victim-blaming mentality?

Of course not. Because we're wrong. :)

I did invite the blockaders to counter-protest me. I invited the opposition on 'toiletgate' to send a response to the grad community setting out precisely why I am so wrong. I invited him to at least tell me what exactly is his 'concern' over my views if he didn't want to engage.

Funnily enough they haven't done this. I'm miffed. I'd love to see a banner set up saying 'acknowledging biological sex is hate speech'. I'd love for them to stand there and explain why. I'd love for them to explain to passers by exactly why the sight of my sign is dangerous. I want the toiletgate-rs to tell me, to my face, that my concerns are a false flag. I'd love to stand and go toe-to-toe in a public debate with them over it.

They know damn well their only power is our silence. They know damn well that the more they are forced to say the stupider it all sounds.

So do we.

[maniacmagpie]

I've had to shorten my protests as it gets dark earlier, and when it gets dark it starts to get cold very quickly...more like 2-4pm now.

Today was very interesting. I spent most of the afternoon talking to a transman.

He was SO HAPPY TO SEE MY SIGN. I was amazed at the strength of feeling, particularly as he is the first dysphoric transsexual person (as opposed to non-binary, identifying as queer etc) who I've spoken to. We talked about a lot of things - dysphoria, the realities of being female (I tried to give him space to back off and basically said if I started encroaching on things he didn't want to discuss, to tell me to sod off but he seemed quite willing to chat), the differences in his view of feminism now and before.

We share so many experiences and feelings about femininity - how much of our discomfort was the strength of having it pushed at us, how much is really needing to be seen as other than the caricature of the societal concept of 'woman'? Where is the line between female discomfort at gender roles, and identity? I've said this so many times, and feel it needs repeating - I learned my feminism primarily from transmen. We share so many experiences. Obviously not all, and we came to different conclusions about what was best for us in the end, but he really was enthusiastic about having a discussion.

He approached me not knowing what my views were (and being prepared to find that I really was a raging transphobe) but we had a good chat. It was nice. I appreciated that he had started with an open mind even though we did turn out to agree on many things in the end.

It made one of the conversations with an angry woman who didn't like my sign very interesting...because he could say, as a trans person, that he felt what I was saying was worth saying, even though he did not claim to speak for them all. I've not really wanted to bring up too much the fact that I know many trans people hold similar views to me, I don't want to 'speak for trans people', but it was comforting anyway. I'm not going to lie and pretend that people continuously telling me I'm horrible doesn't make me wonder. As ever, I hold on to the knowledge that I do consider - and reconsider - my tactics and words. (I always follow this with the proviso that I don't promise to come to the come to the conclusion people who talk to me want me to...)

Also chatted to a guy who came at it from a political standpoint - how the left's dogmatic approach is insanely unsustainable, each one of us despite being generally in agreement with most 'progressive' views are essentially seen as 'heretics'. I'd be quite interested to chat to people who approach it purely from a political view; I am one of those who takes the view that political and personal are never completely separate, but when I have the emotional energy I do like to take a step back, and wonder how it will all be described in the end.

The victors will write history, and I fully expect to be one of those to be blamed both for causing the mess (this is what feminists wanted! Take responsibility!) and blamed for any backlash ('TERFs' whipped up hatred against trans people and gay people! It's their fault!). When backlash comes there will be people who don't see nuance. And I am truly afraid for that.

I really really hope that enough people will see in time that there are those of us big bad 'TERFs' who are trying to make productive discussion that we can protect those who do need protecting. This does include trans people, godsdammit...it really does. I don't wish them harm. I really don't. I honestly believe this rhetoric is making things worse for them as well as women and girls. I remain afraid, but hang on to hope. I have to.

Even if self-ID goes through (don't get me wrong, I hope it does not) I rely on the sense of the people around me to see through the emperor's new clothes. Most people are not converted. Most people do not believe in 'I am what I say I am'. The fight will go on.

Counter-arguments today were not particularly enlightening. The same anger as ever from random passers by: I had people throwing 'trans people are people' (where did I say they weren't?) and 'sex and gender are different' (that's...literally what I've been trying to get through to people this whole time? I agree with that? FFS).

As ever, I accept that people are going to read in something that I'm not saying, and hope that a few do come to realise that, even if in the moment they express their anger and disapproval towards me. Of course from a political point of view I'd like that to come sooner rather than later...but practically, I know better than to expect a now now now when it comes to changing minds. I'm more interested in the networking/solidarity side of things, but any minds changed or a thought sparked would be a nice bonus.

[AnchorMum]

Great to hear how you got on today Magpie.

I was particularly interested in the discussion you had with the transman - and so heartened that there was some common ground and understanding between you both.

Yes, we have many shared experiences and common ground with transmen and can learn a lot from them.

Though of course the act of physically transitioning is an attack not just on the self but, in my opinion, on all women.

Once we sever the biological cord between mother and daughter, sister and sister, society has failed women.

No woman should ever have to identify out of her own body in order to feel whole, free and safe.

I'm heartbroken that this is where we now are. But - I'm also so very hopeful because of women like you, Magpie.

Thanks again

[ChattyLion]

Magpie though I can imagine a lot of this is horrible and really hard on a personal level just wanted to say that I think what you’re doing is fucking brilliant. You’re speaking the truth, and speaking up for thousands and thousands of women. Thank you.

[maniacmagpie]

ChattyLion thank you. I know I keep saying this but I do really appreciate support. Much as I'd like to pretend the truth should be enough, I'm only human. :)

AnchorMum I assume by your moniker you are a mother (do feel free to correct, deny, or confirm this). I truly feel the rawness of your feeling and don't want to push you to reveal anything personal. But whatever the reason for the rawness that drove your feeling - as mother, sister, friend, or a simple expression as a clearly compassionate woman who has been hurt by this in some way shape or form - to you.

As someone who is not a mother, I can only speak from the perspective of a young woman who previously was 'trans-questioning' and I suspect I would be one of those children who would drive most of the mothers here round the bend - I could, a few years younger, been taken by the modern activist movement and cannot deny even now that I see the temptation of escaping the garbage nonsense mess of modern womanhood - the 'choice' I have between sex-kitten, prude, or man - by choosing 'man'. This is why I have such sympathy for transmen. I know some people feel it as a betrayal, I feel more as you do - that it's a symptom of how we as a society have failed women. I suppose I see it as an impossible choice, the same way as I view women who utterly reject feminism as a concept out of needing to not 'be the victim' (I've been there, done that) and who respond to the pressure of beauty standards through eating disorders, anxiety, perfectionism...to me they're all facets of the same impossible choices we have. We're told we can have it all but also that we must do it all, and we all break in different ways.

I suppose I take the view that I don't feel I can ask any person to sacrifice their happiness on the altar of feminism (or science, or any other movement), which makes me not a terribly good marxist feminist (which makes my earning of the moniker 'TERF' even more amusing...) so I'm very forgiving of transition, even though I see that transitioning itself is a libertarian act. I try to take the good side - this transman seems better settled, and its allowed him breathing space to see feminism from a different angle once he's escaped his personal pain, so I appreciate the point of view that he lends at least, and see him as at least an ally in this discussion/fight. It feels like a big ol' game theory problem. We need to stand together and pull, and I see how escaping womanhood doesn't advance the cause of feminism. At the same time, I've been guilty of so many anti-feminist acts that it would be difficult and I'd feel hypocritical trying to say that.

I want to stress I do understand you're feeling it is a symptom of society and you're not attacking them personally. I am not trying to minimise the raw and clearly real pain you feel at having sisterhood with transmen severed...I've felt the same for anti-feminist women (having been one), women with eating disorders, women who need to be 'not like other girls', women who need to paint on a mask every day just to feel human...we are divided, and broken, and we must live among the people who at once divide and break us and we love them and it's terrible.

I can only tell the mothers here my perspective as a child. I am sorry. I am sorry that as a child I will do things that you know I will (and do!) regret. I know we should listen, and I know that we will not, and I know it breaks your hearts...every mother here. I can't claim to understand you, and as a child I am sorry. The only thing I can say, as a child, is that we will make mistakes and some of them will hurt you and some of them will hurt us and therefore you twice over, and I am sorry.

As a child, as an adult daughter of a woman who was not far off my age when she had me...I also need the space to make those mistakes and I am so sorry for the hurt that my mistakes will bring, but I cannot grow without that. And I am sorry, because it will break mothers (both mine, and the mothers here) hearts when I choose wrongly (which I absolutely do and will), and I am sorry that there are some of you on this forum who feel like their children have been stolen, and I am sorry that we hurt you. At the same time I must do it, I must jump, I must do that stupid ass thing that children do, that breaks your heart...and I am sorry.

I met up with a few people through this forum - older women, campaigning for FPFW, who begged me not to go out on the wall alone. They were frightened for me and my safety. And I had to do it anyway and I am sorry. Because I know that they cared for me and my safety. And I did it anyway, because I have opinions and thoughts and am a stubborn brick who feels I need to make mistakes. And some good, and some bad, came of it. (If you're watching - sisters I swear the point was not explicitly to give you a heart attack. I am sorry for the pain I cause you, even if I cannot be sorry for doing it. I hope that makes sense somehow...)

This whole mess is making me realise what a terrible daughter I have been to my mother. My only explanation is...I am her daughter. I am her child. No child does completely right by their parents, and we hope to grow past that and understand better as we grow. This isn't necessarily an excuse, or forgivable, but it's the only explanation I have. I am learning, and will do so for the rest of my life. Amongst the things I must learn (and what better place to do it than mumsnet?) is how to better appreciate my mother.

If this all went a bit weebly it's because I've been on the gin.

[Lefthanddown]

Hi Magpie
We met once, I'm one of the FPFW women who was concerned about you going out on your own and the repercussions you may face not only on the street, but from within your university once you had been identified. I for one am glad you ignored our concerns and took the plunge to debate Sex and gender in your own way, I also admire your commitment in continuing to go out each week and the time you spend updating us with your public interactions and your openness in expressing your internal thoughts.

I think I can speak for all the Cam group in saying you have absolutely nothing to apologise to us for.

As a parent I can give my kids guidance/advice, point them towards further research, I can highlight my mistakes in the hope they don't make the same, but I cannot stop them from making their own mistakes, or making choices that I may not agree with, I just hope to have given them some of the skills they need to tackle adversity and grow as independent adults knowing we'll be there if needed. I've no doubt you could be a pain in the arse as a child and gave your mum a few sleepless nights, but I doubt you were terrible. Your mum should be proud of you and maybe you are being a bit too hard on yourself.

Take care.

[welshbookworm]

Magpie, being pretty new to Mumsnet I've only just come across your thread and have just spent half the afternoon reading. I'm open-mouthed with admiration for what you are doing and for your determinism, persistence and insight.

My only recent experience of street campaigning was for Remain in a leave-voting area and there I was never doing it on my own. Even then it wasn't easy dealing with people so opposed to what I stood for, but it pales into insignificance when compared with what you are doing. I'm the other side of the country from you, so can only support you here, but be assured you do have my support and admiration. I'm almost old enough to be your grandmother and have seen a lot of largely positive changes for women in my lifetime, which is why what is now happening is so deeply worrying and threatening. At my age and with my health I can't do a great deal in real life, but I do what I can online.

Take care and do keep reporting back, as I feel I've learned such a lot from your posts.

[maniacmagpie]

Yo gals,

I'll be at LAWS tomorrow (bagged a last minute ticket). Will be out on Saturday again, 2-4pm.

Magpie

[Yeahnahyeah]

Just read this thread. Awesome work Magpie. I will be following tour journey.

[Manderleyagain]

I meant to ask - was it a college women's officer complaining about you to the university SU women's officer? Like - 'I'm going to set my big sister on you ...'
I can't imagine there is anything they can do even if they wanted to. Would it be a good to get some pre-emptive support either from the university, college or another branch of the student's union? Is there someone that supports everyone's rights to their own religious and philosophical beliefs or lack thereof?
Is there a free speech society or similar at Cambridge?
If they try anything - get yourself in the Cambridge Evening News.

Have a great time at LAWS. It looks fantastic. As always, know you have support here, but keep yourself safe.

[maniacmagpie]

Hey all. Unfortunately I have been quite unwell and don't think I should be out today. I've been a little fried these last couple of weeks too and will hopefully respond and update properly soon.

[iguanadonna]

Magpie, I've been following your thread with huge interest and wishing I were still in Cambridge and could come by and wish you well. Completely depressing to realize that the feminism of the women's campaign is nowadays taken over by this nonsense. Sorry to hear you've been poorly lately. You've already done important work by being there for several weeks. And with your insightful posts here. Look after yourself now.

[MIdgebabe]

Sorry not read everything, but I was appalled that you were criticised for making trans and gender non conformist students uncomfortable...as a gender non conformist I do not want t9 be lumped with the tra community. As a gender non conformist I wou”d like to say thanks for standing up for people like me. I am not odd, not abnormal, I don’t need special treatments and I am not easily upset or offended. I a, a woman whose persoanailoty and strengths are just not those that people like to associate with women