Pronouns. I have come to a personal conclusion

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I will not lie any longer. I will not collude in damaging lies. I will not use the wrong pronouns.

Where I am embargoed from using the correct pronouns I will use the gender-neutral pronoun that is inoffensive to humans: they.

Out of courtesy and caution I may use preferred pronouns when actually in the presence of a trans-identifying person. Because I am a woman, with all that entails.

That's pretty much my position.
I won't be pressured into lying.

Yeah, that’s what I do. I just don’t really accept that “they” is in any way offensive. I don’t ever misgender people deliberately, I am happy to use a gender neutral pronoun (and would be happy for anyone to do so when referring to me).

I’ll happily call someone she/he on a case by case basis, though I am more likely to just use their name when referring to them in the third person.

When you are actually face to face with someone, pronouns are less significant - we use names and ‘your’ (Hi Daphne! I like your hat) it’s only when we aren’t with people that we use them (Where’s Daphne? Isn’t that her hat?).

I’ve always been accepting of the social fiction of treating a trans person as they wish to be treated, and will continue to do that in person, however, while this political climate exists I will refer to names and initials and avoid pronouns entirely, as much as I am able, even if it makes writing very clunky.

Of course, the trans people I encounter in person are not the TRAs hellbent on removing the rights of women to categorise themselves as seperate to men, more likely they are the ‘truscum’ who are also getting chucked under the bus.

It’s weird, at work most of the young blokes say ‘she’ for the TW but every one of the Women use the person’s name or ‘they’. I will never say ‘she’ or ‘her’ for a Male. I just can’t do it. I will nor be compelled to lie.

I can't lie.

We teach our kids not to lie and it's dishonest to make them lie too.

I agree with OP's suggestions.

I agree.

I can't lie op.

Compelled speech is one of the horrific things to go me about this regressive misogynistic and homophobic movement.

I have a further problem...am about to move into an environment where I expect every meeting to begin with going round everyone asking what their pronouns are. So a) it is then very noticeable if I don’t use them and b) I don’t even want to participate in it as to do so validates the process and c) I don’t want to ask for pronouns that imply I have a gender identify. Have been lying awake at night fretting over this ridiculous situation!!

I think ‘they’ is a great compromise, or will use their name as much as possible: for myself I don’t know, but am inclined to go for ze on the basis that I don’t subscribe to any gender....

Working
Could you just say you don't care if you're asked what your pronouns are? That people can use whatever pronouns they like for you as it doesn't affect you in any way?

Good answer Persister!

Working, why would you go for ze? It validates the whole crazyness? Can you not just say, pronouns are not important to you personally and so people can just go with their gut, no offense taken? Or just say ‚people Have called me she for so long, I may as well stick to it‘ ?

Ah Cross post

people can just go with their gut

That's an excellent and inoffensive answer, as everyone is likely to use she/her correctly, thus demonstrating the fundamental truth in how we use pronouns. If you someone uses he/him, you can then demonstrate how unharmed you are by the misgendering, by casually and comfortably correcting them.

Persister (like the nn btw) and Deepwater apparently - I learned from the other thread on this - saying you don't mind is offensive as that implies you are saying other people's pronouns don't matter. And to some they matter very much as we know as they require the validation.

So saying I don't mind is offensive and would cause me problems with others. Saying she/hers means I am saying that my gender identity matches my sex which causes me problems. I don't want to be known as cisgender either. Clearly, I am a woman so of course she/hers make most sense in the real world. But I wont be in the real world. So using their logic, since I don't feel I have a gender identity, that means I am 'agender' and should perhaps prefer a gender neutral pronoun. I am just taking their logic to extremes. In fact I think I should join the trans society as agender. They wont be able to denounce me as a terf then....!

I agree. Don't say "I don't mind" - not because you don't actually mind, but because the snowflakes will misconstrue it and deliberately take offence where there is none to take. Besides, saying that you don't mind may make it tricky to correct any twits who cannot see past the ends of their prejudiced woke noses.

But saying "go with your gut" puts the ball firmly back into their court, gives them free agency to be as woke and kind and caring and inclusive as they like, while still allowing you to correct them, should you choose to.

Personally I would go for Miss/Mrs and demand formality and (hopefully) a little authority with it.

This is the same argument when I first joined my first chambers , we had a young female Asian Intern , who behind her back most people called her the P^ and called her , the dehumanising , " they ", too

the surprising thing is our old head of chambers , who drove chambers policy then was a sexist, racists bigot , he is now a High Court Judge !

times haven't changed yesterdays bigotry towards British Asian people , is now targeted towards Trams people

No it isn't. Its a ridiculous claim.

Its not inclusive to tell women from conservative cultures that they can wear a headscarf to cover their hair but not have a single sex bathroom where they can adjust it.

Naa Foxyliz26, the bigotry is now directed by TRAs (not transpeople) towards women.

Your Asian colleague was not trying to erase you, denigrate your experiences, endanger you and your children. She was trying to work alongside you and learn from you.

Nobody minded when transexuals (as the people TRAs now call 'truscum' then called themselves) lived quietly alongside us, used women's toilets etc, but did not claim places in women's refuges, or on women's sports teams etc. They were not trying to erase us, denigrate us experiences, endanger us and our children.

They also stand to lose out from TRA bigotry.