"Feminism let me down" *sigh* discuss

[Ekphrasis]

Tad exhausted from being a mum so forgive no big spiel but I'm so grateful to mn for helping me to understand what feminism really is and why this article is total bollocks.

https://m.huffingtonpost.com.au/samantha-johnson/when-i-became-a-mother-feminism-let-me-downaa_21708319/

the fuck did I just read?

I had no idea it was the fault of feminists that motherhood has little value in society. I'm not surprised though, because literally everything is the fault of feminism. All the things our male run society does is actually the fault of women.

We are functioning in a society that pretends women don't grow up to become mothers. We are so driven by the focus that women can do the same and be the same as men, that we completely fail to provide them with education or understanding of what may be ahead for them, as future homemakers and those who raise children.

How should we educate women to be homemakers? And is it wise to edicate girls this way in a society where women who are homemakers will bear the financial burden of this decision? I'm a sahm, if dh leaves me, I am to put it bluntly, buggered. Unfortunately men usually make more money than women and child care is fucking expensive, so these decisions happen.

There's a tiny strain of anti motherhood feminism to be found, but it's certainly not the majority of feminism ime. I'd say it's one of the few things radfems and libfems and everyone in between agrees on.

The men of our society, when not performing the role of stay-at-home parent themselves (as so often is the case) need to be taught to see the worth of the parent who stays home

Yeah feminism you failed there not making men do more.

For many women, their journey will naturally lead them to a period of stay in the home, caring for children. Whether that time is only a few months, or for several decades, they need to be prepared. They need to be given the skills they need to succeed and they need to be taught that their work is valuable.We need to stop acting as though when we provide women with these traditional skills, we are taking away their power. Teaching women to care for children and a home empowers them.

But also feminism could we be real that it's women who need to do all the work while on maternity leave and therefore forever so could you just be less shit at that too.

I think she's getting feminists confused with men, it's probably the baby brain that no one prepared her for....

How is any of that the fault of feminism?

Hope the little one is OK :)

I think what's going on here is:

Feminists spend decades, centuries even, fighting on two fronts: (1) to get women the right to work outside the home and be taken seriously in the public sphere (education, politics, etc.) and to get the arrangements necessary to do this (training, university degrees, the right to equal pay, childcare, our own bank accounts and mortgages) and (2) to have the unpaid work women do taken seriously and valued by society (still very much a work in progress).

The latest anti-feminist backlash appropriates feminism and deflects it away from the above by labeling (1) as "middle class white feminism" and (2) as "biological essentialism" and diverts woke young women's attention towards being trans allies, pro porn, pro prositution, generally pro-penis.

Our brave author thinks she is buying into feminism by buying into the above.

Our brave author has a child and it all comes back to bite her on the backside.

Only instead of having a revelatory moment where she realises that she was sold a Trojan horse pretending to be feminism (always look those gift horses in the mouth, sisters, to check whether they have big, wolfish, male teeth there...), she continues to believe that this porn-addled, po-mo shit really was feminism and blames feminism for the fix in which she finds herself, instead of the patriarchy.

Best way to prepare people for parenthood is to prepare both parents.
Then whoever spends more time at home with the DCs will be prepared.

Or we could teach all young people to care for children and a home? And stop assuming that those tasks naturally fall to the sex with a vagina?

There's a task to be done for a society in raising the prestige level of the jobs that have traditionally fallen to women, but that goes hand in hand with other things that will liberate women, like changing structures that keep women down by being slanted against their biological situations.

In short, Patriarchy let you down. Feminism is still digging in to try and free you.

What fermat said :)

Apologies for wildly mixing my metaphors/fairy stories/myths! But I quite like the idea of a Trojan horse with Red-Ridinghood-wolf-teeth.

(2) to have the unpaid work women do taken seriously and valued by society (still very much a work in progress)

Yes, wasn't it feminists who originally worked out what you would have to pay a 'housewife'?

Marilyn Robinson, Wages for House work, I think.

And, er, well, ime, feminism is not anti motherhood at all.Or not MN feminism anyway.

You know that current thread 'Handmaidens'? Well, what we seem to have in this article is someone who needs some copy to sell, has realised that articles knocking feminism, especially when written by a woman, usually are sellable, so has knocked one out.

It might adversely affect the cause of feminism but from her personal point of view it's a win because she flogs an article.

And, er, well, ime, feminism is not anti motherhood at all.Or not MN feminism anyway.

No, not if you're doing it right. It's also why so many feminist groups provide creches when they can and why other activist groups don't. I'm wondering where she was doing her feminism.

I also see the "I feel guilty I just want to dress my daughter up in glitter and pink and if you think there's any issue with that you're doing feminism wrong" article by various feminists every so often too.

nauticant

Yes. Absolutely.

Cf those other favourites of hack journalism "me too has gone too far", "I fear for my sons in the climate created by me too", and "those poor rapey men, overcome by feelings of inadequacy by all those flashy mobile phones being flaunted in front of them" (copyright variously A. Pearson, G. Hinscliffe).

Hog yeah, this a thousand percent plus all the comments about how I should get an abortion or I am letting down the side (too intelligent to become a SAHM) and so on. There is a very vocal element in feminism that believes that being a good femenist involves taking on as many traditionally male roles as possible at the cost of traditionally female roles and that any woman who fails to do so it betraying the sisterhood. Instead of empowering women to make their own choices its just social pressure from a different direction.

There are a lot of highly intelligent articulate women who clearly understand the ways in which our biology disadvantages us as a result of the way we organise our society and try to find solutions to these problems. Unfortunately there are more idiots in femenism (as is the case inmost movements given that most people aren't that bright it is inevitable) but also a great deal of very inexperienced and very vocal (probably as a result of their youth and naivety) who fine out with all kinds of nonsense about how being a woman is a feeling and quotas in business will fix all of our problems. Femenism is a mess.

@dukeofsussex she was probably doing with her young childless friends. I read on MN a while ago that motherhood is radicalising. It's true. I genuinely thought there was no difference between men and women before having children beyond a bit if socialisation and that women who couldn't get over that were weak because I simply hadn't experienced it.

I'd love to see what she was saying on line about feministy topics prior to becoming a mother.

Funny how different people interpret situations similar situations.

It was finding feminism that gave me the voice and strength to tackle the inequality that became apparent within my marriage after having children.

Same here left. It wasn't bad but needed a few adjustments of attitude.

FermatsTheorem, absolutely.

I agree with all of you, she's completely missed the point of feminism - being anti patriarchy. It's sadly being shared by a few attachmenty style fb feeds and I wish someone would write a counter article!

Baby had hit the 4 months thing plus clearly teething and has a cold and a crappy latch. And a dummy is hit n miss as nipple is clearly far superior. I've decided the 4 month sleep regression is mostly digestively related. Any winding techniques gratefully received; I'm on the point of using the bumbo in the middle of the night to get wind up.

Same here race, but I'd been brought up by society to believe we were truly equal. Society left out the parenting part.

Baby had hit the 4 months thing plus clearly teething and has a cold and a crappy latch. And a dummy is hit n miss as nipple is clearly far superior. I've decided the 4 month sleep regression is mostly digestively related. * Ekphrasis, that's a shit stage (I remember it all too well and am shuddering at the mere thought).

One of my colleagues is fond of the phrase "radicalised by motherhood". I think you either go that way, or spiral downwards into some form of cognitive dissonance (the weird earth-mother anti-feminism of the author of the article, the cushion plumping Stepford wife approach, the back-to-work-in-two-weeks-pump-in-the-airport-executive-lounge approach).

Thanks fermats, vats of chocolate getting me through I was rather amused that after a whole day of perma boob I ate 5 jam donuts and had actually lost 2lbs next time I popped on the scales a couple of days later!

Absolutely regarding radicalisation or stepford wife. I hadn't realised I'd begun categorising other mothers I know like this, but sadly I have.

Excellent post FermatsTheorem.

The author sounds like one of those 'Me me me!' spoilt brats who are so common in the 'lifestyle journalism' field these days. Everything and everyone exists to pander to her.

From the article:

For many women, their journey will naturally lead them to a period of stay in the home, caring for children. Whether that time is only a few months, or for several decades, they need to be prepared. They need to be given the skills they need to succeed and they need to be taught that their work is valuable.

What exactly is she proposing? Mandatory breastfeeding and nappy changing lessons for girls in school?

But in a sense, she's right. Women who are thinking of becoming full-time mothers do need to be prepared. They need to realise that in choosing to take a significant period out of paid employment - however vauleabule the work of a full-time parent might be - they are making themselves dependent on a man and therefore putting themselves and their children at significant finacial risk should their relationship break down. And if that were to happen, I've a feeling this young lady would somehow understand the benefits of feminism after all.

Young men need to understand the value of this role as well. They need to be shown that a homemaker male or female provides an essential contribution to society. They, too, need to be given the option to become the primary caretaker.

Pretty sure men already have that option? But very very few of them choose to take it up. That's not feminism's fault, however much this handmaiden might like to think it is.

Maybe if the boys were taught homemaking they'd be more likely to choose it?

Maybe if the boys were taught homemaking they'd be more likely to choose it?

And make themselves financially dependent on a woman? I doubt that.