This may be a huge waffle. Apologies in advance vipers.
I put this here, because I'm fucked if I know where else it will be appropriately understood.
My DD starts secondary school next week. Her friend Jane (lovely kid, intellectual, lovely family, but troubled), has decided to persuade My DD (Susan) that she’s bisexual. 😳
If it were Susan's decision, I’m cool. Except Jane keeps telling her to tag everything on Instagram as “LGBT’. Susan can’t even conceptualise it at the moment.I tried to explain, and reinforce that her own choices cannot be dictated, but it’s hard.
I raised it with Jane's mother, who refused engage.
I’m not sure how to handle it, because I know it isn’t Susan's voice, IYSWIM.
At the beginning I thought Susan had made the decision. She was scared to tell me, bless her.
I immediately hugged her and said I would be happy if she was. I’m not worried about the kids’ sexuality, or gender conformity. If they are well adjusted, and happy, it’s all good.
For the record, she said 'I like boys and girls, and so does Jane'.
I’ve questioned my own sexuality at times, and I think it’s a normal part of growing up TBH.
It was a bit out of the blue though. She’s never shown an interest in anyone - so why would she suddenly generalize?
Then I overheard their phone call, which happened as Susan wandered around the house. She wasn't secretive, and had it on hands free. I listened because the conversation baffled me.
The other girl is very mature, and wise beyond her years. The LGBT thing is clearly an obsession. I don’t think it’s about sexual preference at all though. I think she feels ostracized from the other girls, so is intentionally forging an alternate identity. She obviously has a lot of knowledge about the LGBT movement.
This girl has rarely attended school for a year or so due to anxiety. Her Mum home educates, and is extraordinary. She's sacrificed a lot for her kids, and I admire her ability to cope. Another DC has SEN. Her children are so intelligent and mature. She's always been someone I have admired, and cared about. Jane Is finally under CAMHS, but most other kids have decided she is ‘weird’. I’ve always encouraged Susan to be friendly with her. A lot of the other mothers have been vocal about the girl being a bully. I told Susan to be kind to people who are kind to her. Especially when the kid is already struggling.
The bi thing is not a bad thing in itself, but it seems to be an attempt to segregate Susan from her ‘boring normal friends’. Hard to explain.
After the call, I asked her what she knew about ‘LGBT’. She was embarrassed and said she didn’t know what Jane was talking about - but didn’t want to look silly. She was absolutely telling the truth.
I explained, as well as I could do appropriately. I said she needs to make her own decisions, and be her own person. I didn’t tell her she wasn’t bisexual. I just tried to make her think about it without being influenced.
Susan is a young 11. She’s going through puberty, but she hasn’t yet begun to understand who she is.
My older DC was already mentally prepared at 11, but Susan isn’t.
Jane is very mature, way beyond her years.
I don’t know if the girl is just playing, or whether there could be darker intentions.
If you heard her talk, you’d think she was about 20. It unnerved me.
Should I be actively engaging in infiltrating the friendship, or is it just ' what kids do'?
My strong feeling is to be uncomfortable with the situation. I'm not an interfering parent, but I can't sit by and watch her being coerced into an uncomfortable jaunt into her sexuality, before she is a conscious participant.
Any ideas would be welcomed.
I want my daughter to feel empowered as a woman. She isn't a woman yet, so I need some feedback about how to best protect her.