Suicide of a boy who came out as gay - U.S.

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

So awful. He was so proud to come out to his friends. If he said he was transgender, would the reaction he received be different?

US mum's anguish over nine-year-old son's suicide www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-45341355

Nine years old? Poor little boy. What a world.

Poor little mite

I caught a clip of his mother this morning, i was very tearful and I'm not a crier

Deepest sympathies to his family, devastating

Its been a real fear of mine for my eldest ever since he was a little boy

Although he didnt seem to be bullied at school (apart from name calling and i think that happens for a lot of children if there is something 'wrong' to them)

Its very sad, Trans children have also been known to kill themselves its something not specifically for Gay Children,
Its very sad that Children Gay, lesbian , trans, have to put up with abuse that makes them feel that bad that suicide is the only choice,

That's terrible for him and his family.

Petramum please read Samaritans guidelines about discussing suicide as generalisations about groups and speculation on root causes can be harmful in themselves.

A suicide of a 9 year old is utterly tragic. It's desparatly sad.

On a more general note, it did make me wonder, why would we want children to publicly label their 'sexuality' at a young age? or why do we even discuss 9 year olds 'sexuality'?

I don't mean that it should be denied/hidden, but shouldn't it be part of a private discussion around something to think about when they're older and then fine either way?

e.g.
9 year old says I'm gay.
Resposne: 'oh why do yuo think that and do you know what that means?'
have a discussion.
Resposne: 'oh well, you know you might be, and that's OK, we can keep thinking about this and discussing it until you are an adult and can decide to have relattionships.'
Until then, surely it doesn't matter??

Or surely children shouldn't be encouraged to discuss 'sexuality' widely with anyone anyway, due to safeguarding concerns.

It then ties in with trans, where surely a similar response to 'I think I'm trans' is needed:
'why? what does that mean?'
'Oh OK, let's just keep talking as you're only young and yuo can't make any decsions until you are an adult anyway, so let's just wait and see.'

I'm not sure I'm putting my thoughts into words correctly here, but I guess I'm just not sure why we need to publicly discuss 9 yr olds (not this child in particular, I do not know the details apart from how tragic it is) any child's 'sexuality'.

A chat with parents, knowledge to inform their thinking as they develop, a general acceptance, and a wait and see as you're only a child is surely the approach we want?

there seems to almost be an unnecessary haste to find a label and then announce, for quite young children around sex/gender and sexuality. Why?

or why do we even discuss 9 year olds 'sexuality'?

We already do constantly. We just don't know that we do because heteronormativity is so ingrained. We watch films where princesses marry princes and mummies and daddies have children and kids talk about marrying people at school and 'when you grow up and have children' and on and on. Which is why kids have to 'come out'.

If we just didn't do that, it wouldn't be a big deal. DD already knows she can go out with a boy, girl, neither or both. So no need to discuss it really. She knows lesbian parents and single parents and adoptive parents and that families don't all look the same. In a rigidly heteronormative society, any kid that doesn't want to marry someone of the opposite sex is weird and therefore subject to this kind of crap.

That poor boy. I can’t imagine losing one of my children like that. I hope someone is supporting his family through this.

This is so tragic. Poor kid. Poor family.
Utterly senseless.

I've been thinking about this today. It's so awful.

Poor little thing.

Absolutely heartbreaking. Suicide of a child is surely every parent's worst fear. Rest in peace Jamel.
Why can we not do anything to stop bullying? It just goes on and on, so many people suffer as a result.

MrsTerryPratchett

or why do we even discuss 9 year olds 'sexuality'?

We already do constantly. We just don't know that we do because heteronormativity is so ingrained. We watch films where princesses marry princes and mummies and daddies have children and kids talk about marrying people at school

But isn't it normal for many 9 year olds to reject that? Surely many of them will just say 'yuck' when anyone talks about kissing and marriage?

This is obviously tragic for the family but it's an unusual story and I get the feeling we are not being told it all.

I find this whole thing deeply troubling and rather unbelievable. Four days of the most relentless bullying is still only four days. What none year old would consider suicide for that? Who benefits from this narrative? And I find it weird that any child of that age is proud of being gay, not that being gay is something to be ashamed of but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be set in stone for any sexuality at that age.

There's something sinister at the heart of this

I think this is a heartbreaking story, and especially in tandem with the stats about self harm and the possible reasons behind that.

It seems that the more ostensibly progressive and 'forward thinking' society becomes, the more the vulnerabilities of our children are laid open, ready to be exploited by all sorts of negative voices. The world is a minefield for adults nowadays, how much harder must it be for the young who have no frame of reference to try and work it all out.

This story is VERY strange.

The 9 year old declared himself gay, the parents told him to be proud and tell everyone. Why?

Mother seems to be very right-on with the pink hair and black lives matter t-shirt. That's cool for her. But I'm not sure a 9 year old is necessarily equipped to deal with other people's reactions to wokeness.

Sorry 'the parent', not 'the parents'.

Nine seems so young to identify as gay. Poor little thing, perhaps there's more to this story though?

But isn't it normal for many 9 year olds to reject that? Surely many of them will just say 'yuck' when anyone talks about kissing and marriage?

I work with a wide range of ages, but I've noticed an uptick lately in the discussion of "who's going out with who" in that age group. It's mostly used as either attention-seeking or bullying fodder, and it's more noticeable amongst those with their own phones but is very clearly socially contagious. It is, without exception, heterosexual so far, but we're not exactly a cosmopolitan sort of area. I can't imagine any of "my" nine year olds coming out, for example. Nor can I imagine the vast majority of them knowing enough about suicide to be able to actually do it, tbh, but perhaps I'm being naïve there. 12 and upwards, sure.

I do think there's likely to be more to the story; it is tragic regardless.

interesting that the thread that I put on AIBU this afternoon on this was pulled almost immediately.
FWIW I don't think 9 year olds, and even young teens, are equipped to make a judgement on this. The right thing for the parent to do would be to say 'let's wait and see', as a poster said upthread.
This, plus the rise in self harming by girls, is the result of unecessary pressures that we place on our children. They're children, for goodness sake.

lucy

Doesn't surprise me it was pulled, AIBU is a bearpit

Personally im beginning to feel very uncomfortable about this thread

So im gonna shove off as i dont think its my place to tell people what to debate

I'm not going to police anyone, but I'm not really sure why this is in FWR, tbh.

Doesn't using gay/homsexusl, and hetrosexual, label children's attractions as sexual?
It says they are sexually attracted to the same sex.

Children are attracted to one another and have romantic and loving feelings, but I wouldn't want to describe these feelings as sexual regardless of their orientation.

They are the development of sexuality, which is a process until maturity is reached, but I think sexuality itself is a concept for adults/sexually mature people.

So a boy who says he loves other boys gets the response, well you may find as an adult you are gay, and want a sexual relationship with men.
Not you want sex with other boys.

And a boy who says he wants to kiss the little girl who sits next to him at lunch, response is, you may want to go out and have sex with women as an adult.
Not, you are hetrosexual and want sex with girls.

Surely once we start to argue children can definitely label their feelings as sexual, or we label developmentally appropriate behaviour and feelings as sexual, we're opening up a dangerous view of children and sex, which could be exploited?

I think there's is a link to current FWR threads about safeguarding, and young children seeking labels around sex/gender and sexuality.

Not a clear link to FWR though.

I don't know if this thread will get pulled, but there is an issue here (not this case itself) Which makes me uncomfortable and I haven't yet quite worked out why, so I'd be pleased to see others views.

I feel there is more to this story than has first come to light-but the reality is a young child is dead, which is horrific, and my thoughts are with the Mother. Perhaps there was also some underlying depression/anxiety in the child? If he was happy to 'come out as gay' I'm surprised peoples reaction to him made him wish to commit suicide.I'm also uncomfortable with young children feeling they need to state their sexuality at such a young age. I hope the Mother is getting the support she needs.