An epiphany.

[FloralBunting]

I'm having a bit of bad time of it. I've got a virus, and have been knocked for six with it. Thankfully I have some days off work so I don't need to worry about that, but there is still the house to run. EldestBunting has gone away with friends, and the others are all milling about the house with friends because it's still the summer hols.

As I am laying in bed, near the toilet and slipping in and out of a feverish sleep, running through my head is the pressing need to get new school shirts, be well in time to go back to work, the pile of washing overflowing the basket, what everyone is going to eat this week, and a hundred other things that need attention as well as ongoing emotional support for everyone.

I am ill, really poorly, and it occurs to me that I have spent so many hours of my life tending to ill people; losing sleep, being inconvenienced, providing care and company - and here I am alone, in desperate need of a bath and a clean bedsheet, and I am having to bang on the bedroom floor to get DPs attention because I don't have the strength to do those things.

He gets pissy because he was watching sport and he'd already had to make tea and wash up.

I feel like crying, and I know that's just a daft pity party, but days like this really bring home to me the load I carry, and it would've so pleasant to not have to beg for someone to nurture me.

I'm not asking to be the centre of the universe, really I'm not. I know I am incredibly privileged as a woman on a world scale, and even in my own country. One of my personality traits is to be nurturing and kind. It's probably the best thing about me. But it sticks so far in my craw that this is put down to me being a woman, and therefore all this shit is heaped on me and I'm expected to put myself last, at all times.

I tell you, visiting FWR and seeing so many women tell their oppressors to fuck right off in creative, blunt, honest ways, is such a refuge right now. Women's rights matter, Feminism matters. And I am a Feminist.

It's shit to feel so unwell and still have to do the mental juggling. I'm sorry you're feeling so sick and uncared for. I hope they see some sort of sense in the shorter rather than longer term.

I'm expected to put myself last, at all times

Don't accept the expectations. Arise from your sick bed a Changed Bunting.

And in the meantime tell him to get his shit together and put fresh sheets on. And DO NOT tell him where the fresh sheets are.

Hugs to you, Bunting. 🌈💐☕️🍰

Get well soon.

Get well soon Flo.

I agree it's shit. Keep hammering away tho (when you're back on your feet).

I had a little secret smile when DH said 'is it me, or are films getting much more sexist lately?'

If I get a temp of over 38 c I feel really crappy. I have to actually show dh The temperature to get him to take me seriously that I have flu even then, He just doesn’t believe me. It is because he doesn’t want to believe me as it means he has to step up.

:) datun brilliant!

Oh gosh Floral, that sounds minging. I hope you get better soon, and in the meantime the world won’t stop turning without your labour.
A couple of days ago I found out I’ve got an aggressive, painful form of glaucoma. I’m not going to lose my site because I already have, but Jesus does it hurt. I’m a single parent so I do everything. Luckily enough for me, DP (female) has come over to support us and keep things ticking over. I’m having an operation in the morning so she’ll look after DS while I’m at the hospital.
I do feel your pain though, at least to a certain degree. Normally while I’m ill I have to carry on regardless. Obviously it’s not the same because DS is a child and can’t look after himself, but I do know how it feels to carry the weight of everything and not have any space to be human. Also DS has a father who lives less than a mile away, but he is an alcoholic waste of space and never shows the slightest bit of interest in his son, so that is a source of utter fury for me.
Sorry for the self-indulgent whinge. I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment and looking for an outlet to rant. I know it’s not all that relevant so I’m sorry if you’re quietly seething at my post.
I hope your virus bogs off soon and you at least get to enjoy some of the bank holiday weekend. Emojis aren’t labelled for screen readers on here so I’ll just have to offer you a cupper, and a nice glass of wine when you’re better, and @MNHQ sort out your access ability will you. Your site is crap.

I hope you feel better soon, FloralBunting, my lovely. And I hope your DH gets some understanding pronto.

But I am cheering your coming out as a feminist!

Hope you're a little better floral, lots of hot 🍋 ,🍯, and 🥃 for you!

I hope your dp has worked out some things, although he really shouldn't need a list, could you give him one?

One of the worst thing about being poorly is when you're better you've lots of catching up to do :(

We went through this when ds was small and I became quite chronically poorly.

My mil had a similar epiphany too, on my behalf. I caught tonsillitis from ds's scarlet fever but battled on for 3 weeks till I finally got antibiotics. (She types while listening to the radio regarding antibiotics!) she has 3 sons, and I often think such a male heavy family, plus fil and mil are very traditional and religious (so tend not to query the status quo).

Mil merrily said, "oh our (youngest son, teacher like me, ds of same age) always goes to bed for a week when he gets tonsillitis, doesn't get up for anything"

Yes, um, I can't do that mil, cos of small ds. And Dh won't take any time off as he runs his own business.

She looked shocked as realised the inequality of our positions since we have both had children. I do wonder if this is why bil's then partner went back full time and chased senior leadership roles like he did. Perhaps she realised the way she'd be disadvantaged while furthering his career where she was quite able to achieve at the same level as him, and he'd have to take sick days off for their child too. Unfortunately I also think (but not sure and she had an affair) this was partly why they didn't stay together.

Primary schools are actually a difficult place to work with young families due to patriarchal inequality. As for some reason it tends to be mums who have to take the time off when young child is poorly and primary schools are very female heavy. My head teacher got mightily fed up with it, while also recognising how hard it was, being a mum and wife to a man very high in his field who often travelled. Some schools I know of don't make it easy for new mums to return with reduced hours as a result.

(But I do know there are many families where this is more balanced. Not quite enough yet though!)

(Nc as lots of identifying things!)

HotRocker

Gosh for you too. And good luck today. ( that's a Flowers emoticon, not sure if you can ascertain that?)

FloralBunting, Hotrocker

I was reminded of this thread by the section of Janice Turners column today titled 'Painful Truth'

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/a-fly-tipper-brings-out-my-charles-bronson-side-cdhmlh25s?shareToken=f784a2fe77fa71c9d5eddf34f5667ef7

OT, but do @MNHQ know about this 'Emojis aren’t labelled for screen readers on here' - it's the sort of accessibility issue which sighted people may be blissfully ignorant of. Don't know if it's a hard or trivial thing to deal with technically.

Thanks Datun
The images are labelled in peoples posts but I can’t post them myself, which is odd. Lots of the links and buttons aren’t labelled either, so for example I have no idea how to quote. I’m reliably informed by a techie person I know that labelling links, images and buttons just involves adding an extra line of code. They really should have all this covered. Some websites are great for this, and others are awful. MN is about in the middle, but still unsatisfactory I’d say considering the size and scale and the membership. Anyway sorry for the derail.

Aw, you're all . I slept for hours and hours. Woke up and all the food in the freezer is soft because the bloody thing has a fault. It's been like it for quite some time as there are puddles and no one noticed.

HotRocker, badger the crap out of MN about that issue. They should totally hop to attention for something so easily sorted.

Glad you had s good sleep, I hope it has restored you a little.

Sending hugs for freezer issues- complete pain in the bottom

Website primarily used by women not getting accessibility right == intersectional feminist issue?