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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Open letter to a friend who thinks transwomen are women

28 replies

VickyEadie · 22/08/2018 09:36

medium.com/@tan.ith9/an-open-letter-to-my-friend-who-thinks-transwomen-are-women-491659de2efb

Great piece by Tanith Lloyd.

OP posts:
seafret · 22/08/2018 14:48

Thank you for sharing that wisdom redtoothbrush. It is easy to see everyone as machiavellian sometimes, but as you say, sometimes their position is not logic based, and nor do they necessarly want to do the work or have their eyes opened.

Ignorance is bliss as they say.

I saw somethng on telly the other day that used the fable of the North Wind and the Sun and it got me thinking in the fable they both want a man to remove his coat and the North WInd blew coder and colder and theman clutched his coat ever harder, the sun however beamed down warm rays and the man quickly and happily removed his coat.

I think the TRAs etc use and benefit from the sun approach as they are able (through some duplicitousness) rainbows and unicorns and glitter, to frame their agenda as being inclusive and non-hateful and liberal etc, to give people a way to feel warm and good and kind, and maybe even to believe that the world is safe. Maybe we need that when actually there is still so much wrong and sometimes few answers.

After that, we feminists look like the cold wind, forcing peple to open their eyes and see badness and risk everywhere, and being angry arguing women. Boo for feminists. In my case, I even object to pink princess dresses for girls. How mean and dull.

I haven't heard it yet, but from the comments, I think this is where Dr Julia Long was able to be particularly effective in her radio interview as many PP mentioned that she came across as almost lighthearted and funny, and yet very focussed on women and not argue-y, and of course this was helped by not having a biased interview setting her as the baddie from the start and making her feel she had to fight to be heard.

We need to find more ways to be like the warm Sun.

RedToothBrush · 22/08/2018 15:07

Don't forget that all but a tiny minority who support the TRA position are entirely well meaning, good people who want to do the right thing by others.

They are not bad people.

By the same token the vast majority of those who are gender critical also come from a similar mindset. They don't want to see people harmed by others or the victim of prejudice.

Their end goal is ultimately very similar.

The difference is largely grounded in experience of reality over ideological idealism which neglects to acknowledge the minority who wish to exploit this good intent.

The good versus evil narrative is a really unhelpful one.

seafret · 22/08/2018 15:55

Yes absolutely. Things become polarised so easily, and wrongly.

Misogyny is good at making baddies of women though, and we have that prejudice to overcome before we even get a chance to be fun and engaging.

Perhaps we need to make more of working towards the utopian vision where women are no longer at risk of violence or sexism. But it is easier to help a few trans people feel happy than undo millennia of misogyny and it makes our cause less appealling and less satisfying to some.

I have met a lot of well-meaning people in the last few years due to our challening circs and sadly the majority proved to be clueless about the real world, biased and irrationally optimistic, and therefore no help at all, and worse started to blame me and crticise me for not trying hard enough or not wanting to help myself when their 'just do this' unrealistic hope based non-solutions didn't immediately fix the problem. Quite narcisstic really. Funny how even 'nice' people can turn on you if you unintentionally challenge their world view.

Sometimes well-meaning is just lazy and/or self-serving.

But oops, must stay 'warm' and not be pessimistic.

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