I spoke up when I was "barged"

[sar302]

As I was trying to get out of a lift today with my pushchair, a man barged his way in before I could get out. Silly me getting in the way, purely because I'm of the understanding that it is more sensible to free up the space inside a lift before you try to fill said space, because, well, physics 🤷‍♀️

I tutted - very passive aggressive I'm aware - and he tutted back at me. So I turned to him whilst the doors were still open, and asked "You really couldn't have waited 10 more seconds?"

His mouth literally hung open, he was so shocked that I'd dared to challenge him! Only a minor victory, but still, it felt quite good.

Why is this on the feminism board?

Do you really think the gender of the two people involved is relevant?

Dear god 🙄

I imagine it's the two people's sex that's the point here.

Good for you!

I hadn't given it much thought then when my sister had my niece it always amazed me the number of people who would start trying to get into a small space occupied by a pushchair with a child in it. Lifts, doors, corridors cafes etc. Just give it a bloody second!

Well done for speaking up.

As for this being the correct board, why ever not? Wasn't there are thread on here a few weeks ago about how men walking down the street (etc) just assume/expect women to get out of their way?

I don't get out the way. I have an expression that says move. The pushchair was a bit like a chariot people tended to jump out of the way. Shifting a double buggy was a lot trickier than shifting a pair of healthy legs.

Barging women is really a thing Confuscated, it isn't gender based. It is actual, not literal or figurative violence.
In the US it is called manslamming. Here it's just called being a twat/violent bastard, or 'barging'.
www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/shocking-moment-jogger-barges-unknown-woman-into-path-of-oncoming-bus-on-putney-bridge-a3606216.html.
Whether it ir born of men wanting to flatten women (in the case of the psycho on the bridge I suspect yes) or just that men are more likely to be unaware of their own size when trying to get past others remains to be seen. Apparently it is being studied as a western phenomenon.

Good for you!

Well done Sar. And this board is the perfect place for it. Men seem to think they own public spaces.

In my experience women with pushchairs can be quite rude too. Like the one who tried to barge past my mother with her very painful—possibly cancerous—back.

I got quite assertive with a young fella in the shop last week who was trying to mansplain something to me that was actually incorrect, and calling me my dear. He was trying to tell me about adding nicotine shots to eliquid, and giving me twice as much at half the strength, and saying oh, I only work in a vape shop what would I know? I said clearly not a lot, and had to womansplain that actually, I mix my own liquids at home from the constituent parts, nicotine, vegetable glycerin, propylene glycol and flavour concentrates, then womansplain basic maths, ingredient ratios and percentages to him. Then I told him to drop the my dear crap and just do what I asked. He was agog, the audacity of the woman. I managed to make it all the way out the door before calling him a prick as well.
He had a couple of his mates in the shop as well who saw and heard everything, which made it extra satisfying.

Good for you OP , the sex isn't important, but no woman would behave like that anyway,

same thing happened years ago , when we were out with my SIL, niece in pushchair , my then butch OH , just pushed the man as he was about to barge in , we just glared at said dickhaed ,

whilst my SIL got pushchair out , the guy was a bully , !
Bullys don't like it when women push back

that bully turned into a little boy , who had been told off

but I have done the same when out on my own if there is a woman with a pushchair in a lift , or someone in a wheelchair

don't be scared of these morons !

@Confusicated and @Abra1de - not to worry, I'm perfectly aware that women can be rude as well.

As pp have said, there are some interesting differences in how women and men "take up" space in society and I genuinely had never noticed it until I read it on this board! His reaction to being challenged shows it was a deliberate move, and I'm not bloody putting up with it any more!

Yesterday a man barged into me and so consequently into my boyfriend l. Ignored me and my boyfriend got a 'sorry mate'

Well done! It is a thing to allow people to leave before entering yourself because it's common sense!

Confusicated, FWR is an entirely appropriate place to post this. And it's the sex of the people involved, not their gender. We have no idea how masculine or feminine they are. But we know they're male and female.

Oh dear, sar302, I'm almost embarrassed for you! Don't you know that you are supposed to sublimate into gas form when a male requires the space you occupy!?

@RageAgainstTheTagine I subjected myself to some brisk self flagellation upon my return home for having dared to be so forward!

Well done Sar!!

I absolutely think that women finding their voices to speak up for themselves is a feminist issue - even if the barger is a woman - women tend to be raised to stay quiet and avoid confrontation and move aside.

Rude people are often surprised to be reminded that they aren't the only people in the universe who count - and bargy men, well, it blows their small minds.

I am glad you spoke up. I do not know if it will make him question his sense of entitlement the next time, but it might.

Men indicate to women their ownership of public space in a whole variety of ways: barging, manspreading, catcalling, harassment.

If we challenge (on the occasions when this can be done safely) we shift everyone's expectations a little bit.

Well done OP

Do you really think the gender of the two people involved is relevant?

The gender isn't important. The sex however is.
Well done op. Good for you.

Well done, Sar.

Totally appropriate for FWR what with manslamming (new word for me!) being a massive problem. The cheeky bastard! Such entitlement

Good for you OP , the sex isn't important, but no woman would behave like that anyway

Of course women can behave like that.

I was late for a concert yesterday and was only allowed in at the first interval. When I got in there was someone still sitting in the seat to my right, a coat left on what was my chair and the chair to the left was empty. I moved the coat on to the chair on the left, assuming (correctly) it belonged to the person in that seat and took my seat.

The owner of the coat appeared back about and to my surprise started going on about "had I moved her coat?" Er yes , it was left on my seat. Was I supposed to stand until she got back?

I think it's fascinating to observe how men and women occupy any public space. A very small thing, but the other day, when I was out walking with another female friend in the countryside, we passed a husband and wife and stopped to exchange pleasantries and directions. The husband and wife approached towards us through a gate and the husband came through first and then walked ahead of his wife and stood a little apart from all of us choosing a position which placed him slightly above us on the start of a small hill. From this vantage point, he lectured us, literally, about the best way to walk, while we three women nodded and smiled at each other. His wife went to speak just once (to tell us about a lovely house and garden that was ahead on the walk) and he interrupted her and changed the subject so we all three went back to smiling and nodding. We advised them not to continue up the hill, if she was interested in gardens, as we had just come from around the hill where there were more lovely gardens to pass. Afterwards we looked back to see him striding ahead up the hill and his wife trailing behind.

Hills, gardens, lifts, buses, corridors, pavements, trains........they are in charge and they don't even notice it and neither do we a lot of the time.

I had seen the Putney Bridge video at the time Andtheresaw, but I don't recall actually noticing that he veered into her path and used his hands/arms to push her in the direction of the road. From about 0:25 in the video, when it is slowed down. And the amount of path he had on his side was unreal (he actually was in the middle to begin with).

Did they ever catch him? The woman is lucky not to have been killed.