Female teenagers

[IAmInsignificunt]

When I was a female teenager I wasn’t the coquettish, scantily clad mini spice girl that the TRAs like to typify teen girls to be.
Can we have a thread that talks about our teen years as actual adolescents going through the realities of female puberty in our society? The reality of it is far different to how it is currently being presented.

• I wanted to study a science at university. Because I was a girl my parents, friends and teachers tried to them talk me out of it. I was pointed towards drama and English literature. Thankfully one lone teacher pushed me and allow me to live out my dream whilst everyone else was against it.

• I had terrible acne and spent years hidden under a veil of hair and with my face pointed toward the ground. My mum wouldn’t allow me to take the pill to treat it because it was “too sexual”.

• I played soccer, tennis and ran for my county.

• I mostly wore bootcut jeans, polo neck jumpers, trainers and baggy sweatshirts. It was the nineties, plus I wanted to hide my shape.

• I watched MOTD

• I like Britpop

• I collected stones

• I was a girl guide

• My breasts hurt constantly. I was told to hide them away at all times.

• I wore a short skirt on a summer day and my grandmother called me a slut and I was grounded for a month.

• I was sexually assaulted and it was my fault because I wore tight clothes at a disco.

• My periods were heavy and messy and often caused me to vomit or suffer incredibly bad craps as well as mortifying diarrhoea - usually at school.

• I had greasy hair no matter how often I did or did not wash it.

• I had facial hair. Friday nights were for immacing my upper lip, watching friends and eating Tayto.

• I wore braces

• I had a teenage pregnancy

Teenage girls have many and varied interests and issues. We were not all “watch out world” types like Sue Pascoe and the TRAs.

We need to fight this narrow typeset that women and especially girls are being placed in. Let’s talk about our varied interests and experiences as female teenagers. Let’s allow girls to be comfortable being exactly who they are.

Mine starts with the bit I posted on the C4 thread:

I was fat, spotty and living in poverty in a two-up, two-down house with no indoor facilities, plus two brothers. No room of my own and no bathroom made coping with menstruation fabulous.

I was clever, unfashionable (because neither money for nor interest in fashion, make-up, etc) and so my friends tended to be just like me. I loved and played football, tennis, hockey and basketball and despite being chunky, I was rather good at games and played for school teams.

I was the first person in my family to go to university, where I found my first boyfriend.

The world wasn't remotely in need of 'watching out' for me when I was a teenage girl, because there were so many just like me.

I had the haircut of a small and surly Highland cow.

I disliked my teenage body, but covered it in baggy outdoor clothes and got on with cycling and mucking about in boats.

I was blunt, socially inept, academically bright, possibly unwashed and definitely un-made-up. I've improved on some of those with age.

I would lie awake at night pondering physics equations (seriously!) and had zero interest in sexual relationships till over 20.

I would never have guessed I'd become a parent.

I was very spotty, very awkward and, very bookish. I had a face that made most women think that I hated them and most men think that I wanted to sleep with them. I went to an all girls school so I was completely unaware of any limitations placed upon my sex. I got married and had a baby in between high-school and university. I hated exrrcise then and I hate exercise now (with the exceptionof hiking). I have never liked short, tight, over sexualised clothes. I spent my teen years wearing a brown poncho. I thought that make up was only for hiding my hideous skin, slug brows weren't even a thing. I had a moustache and I liked it. I never dyed my hair. I never straightened my hair. I never had conversations about clothes or make up with my friends. We talked about books and art. I worse mens clothes sometimes. I listen to folk music and liked music festivals. I liked wearing boots. I never owned striper heels. I hated summer. I refused to remove public hair.

My favourite clothes came from the army surplus shop.

I loved Nirvana, Oasis and Radiohead. I smoked and drank pints and make up was mascara and a bit of lipstick if I could be bothered. Doing my hair was brushing it.

I was teenage girl wallpaper, essentially. We all trudged through those years, we didn't spend it giggling and covering ourselves in glitter and false eyelashes and obsessing about our genitals.

I began my teenage years with a permed mullet and the world's biggest glasses. I ended them in patchwork dungarees, docs and army surplus. I attempted to drink pints, but my local would only serve halves to 'ladies'. I was as unsporty as they come (apart from when it came to table tennis, at which I was unexpectedly good). I thought I was fat (I wasn't). I pretended to like going out, but much preferred curling up at home with a good book.

I had a spiral perm and used to wear my Dads leather bomber Jacket, even though it was massively too big.
Typical outfit would have been stonewash denim jeans with platform boots and a checked shirt. I wore make up (badly)

I listened to a range of music, the usual 90s stuff such as Oasis and Blur and I also liked Take That.

I couldn't have been less sexual if I tried. I had boyfriends but didn't lose my virginity till I was 18. I remember thinking that it was crap and I didnt really want to do it again.

I didn't have many friends really and my best friend was my dog who went everywhere with me.

In my very early teenage years I wore revealing clothes and makeup and liked the attention I got from adult men because I saw it as the one tiny bit of power I had. It made me feel pretty even though I had spots and glasses. I thought that was the way to be an adult woman. I was innocent and very naive about the way men think. Then I got more depressed, put on weight, started dressing in black and wearing my hair in my face all the time because I thought I was hideous and wanted to hide. I was constantly anxious and terrified of anyone in authority. I didn't go to school. I didn't do ordinary social things.

The good: I was idealistic, passionate and intellectual. I spent all my time in the library reading everything I could instead of going to school. I looked after my younger siblings. My bedroom was a tip but I kept the shared areas clean and tidy, did all the family laundry and ironing, and cooked sometimes. I thought a lot. I had big questions that my family couldn't begin to answer (and didn't really understand, hence the existential depression). I loved loud angry music.

The depressing: when I was a little girl I had big, wonderful ambitions. At 11 I wanted to be a scientist. At 13 I wanted to be a secretary. At 15 I thought I was so useless nobody would ever employ me. . Part of that, I think, was innate tendencies and brain chemistry. Part of it was my literalist-analytical understanding of what it meant to be a woman in our culture and realising that I just didn't measure up - and that even if I did, I'd still be in an inferior position.

I didn't like being a teenager. It was hell. I didn't know what to do as a grown up, I was treated as a child and I couldn't cope with the body stuff. In the end I went to university to get away from home and grew up a little and it was better from then on.

I went to a girl's school and did ballet 6 hours a week. My partner and daughter call my childhood sheltered and think I was a saint.

I wore huge glasses and read Vogue and Harper's Bazaar, largely because my older sister did and I worshipped her. Started smoking at 16. Secretly of course.

I tried to find a cut for my unruly curls, was a hairdresser's model for a while (raven blue hair...), tore out a page of a magazine of a girl dressed in green with a lovely head of curls and said if only. It took me 25 years to realise that was the cut for me and green suits me...

I started wearing red lipstick at age 16. Was very happy the day I decamped to university only to realise it was more of the same. I never fit in. I learnt what worked with men at the age of 16 but only fell in love at the age of 27 with my wife.

I still wear red lipstick some days. People have said to me in the last year, you're becoming one of those characters around town. I assume it's my style of dress, the glasses I wear, which make me stand out. I just feel comfortable wearing what I like.

In retrospect I hated being a teenager. I had no friends. I only realise it because I now have a teenager who has all the same problems but is having a much harder time coping, resulting in social anxiety. Perhaps I fared better because of the blinkered approach I learnt to take to life.

I had braces and never felt pretty. I wore my hair in a ponytail all the time and other girls would pull at it and try and make me promise to wear my hair down the next day. I was quite shy, always friends with popular girls but never the most popular one. I just wanted to get every school day over and done with. I was very clever and most teachers loved me. I would always be told to put my hand up more and contribute to the lesson more, but why should I have done that if I didn't want to? I wasn't confident enough to always be contributing to lessons. I was a girl guide.

My favourite clothes came from the army surplus shop.

Gosh yes! I lived in the Army and Navy when we would visit family in England. I remember seeing All Saints on TOTP in combat trousers and thinking they were the definition of cool.

My df's squadron called me "Lolita" and "jail bait". Before I even became a teenager, I was hit on by grown man whilst wearing my Brownie uniform...back when it was a brown dress and bobble hat. By the time I turned 13, I loathed my body. I used to sleep on my breasts to try and crush them out of existence and drown myself in baggy clothes. I wanted to be a fighter pilot, having grown up around them and when I was a child, I was encouraged. As a teenager though, it was all "oh you'd just paint it pink" and "they call it a cockpit for a reason Love".

I wore doc martins and my df's RAF shirts (sometimes with nothing between the two). I had a velvet jacket (dark blue that smelled of cigarettes). I loved my red feather boa and my black leather trousers which looked like they'd been painted on.

I liked computers, sharks, dinosaurs and sport. Red lipstick and no lipstick. Girls and boys.

I thought I could change the world. Then someone raped me and showed me how small and insignificant and worthless I was. That it didn't matter how smart or how pretty I was, because it was size and strength which counted when it mattered.

I wore huge Docs and army boots and baggy clothes. It was the thing to do in the 80s but I also liked hiding because I didn't like men staring at my tits or telling me to smile.

I was still sexually assaulted by a stranger, a grim but salutary lesson that it doesn't matter what you wear.

I was serious and bookish and obsessive about records and gigs. I was a bit introspective. I was independent and restless and loved going places on my own. I wanted to change the world. I joined organisations and wrote letters and went to protests. I was a staunch vegetarian.

I was absolutely nothing like the porny creepy fantasies of these middle aged perverts who get to casually appropriate teenage girlhood. They disgust me so much.

I was absolutely nothing like the porny creepy fantasies of these middle aged perverts who get to casually appropriate teenage girlhood.

I am 35 and am yet to have a pillow fight in silk pyjamas. When my friends came over of an evening we would sit in my bedroom cutting pictures of bands out of the NME and watch ER. Once we tried to smoke some weed and I burned my eyebrows.

My teen years were a time of only very slowly realising the limits women have placed upon them (I didn’t truly understand until I was about 27/8) and that life would be a continual fight just for having the temerity to be born with ovaries and a vagina.

I lived with my sexually incontinent father and my older brother was an apple who hadn't fallen far from the tree so there was a double threat in my home. Every day.

My mother didn't teach me about sex (but hey, the males in the family were great at doing that). She didn't tell me about periods. Didn't buy me bra, or sanitary towels.

I never wore my hair down. I was fat until I developed bulimia at 16, which my mother bollocked me for when she worked it out. Boys noticed me as soon as I lost weight and that was scary.

I wasn't coquettish, or flirty or any of those things. I was - as it turns out - very bright, despite the fact that my brother was 'the academic one'. He was the oldest in his year. I was the youngest.

I aced my A levels and then got the hell out of there.

That was my reality as a female teenager.

Once we tried to smoke some weed and I burned my eyebrows.

Made me laugh. I used to hang out of my window to smoke. One night the wind was coming at me so I singed my fringe. Suspicious glance from my mum the next morning after I had to cut off half of it.

I was a girl guide
I was heavily into roller disco
I had my hair short and looked very boyish
I didn't wear any makeup
I wasn't allowed to have my ears pierced because girls like me didn't have them done (granny said this)
I was very studious and never bunked off
I used to stay in and record TOTP, soul train and Saturday morning tv on the vcr thing all my favourite bands
I wore only Levi jeans from one tiny shop
I loved running
I wanted to be a police officer, and by that I mean an armed one, not a woman with a handbag on her shoulder as was portrayed on the tv

I think during my teen years was when I realised what being female meant. It was a very confusing time. I was shamed by my Mum when I got my period. I was bullied in school relentlessly by boys for being ugly. Yet men seemed to take an unhealthy interest in me. From the teacher who made me very uncomfortable and touched my leg, to my driving instructor propositioning me, to a family friend who sexually assaulted me and my Mother advised I was dressed like a slut so what did I expect.

My Mum also started to view me as competition and so I was in this world constantly believing my worth was based on how I looked and what attention men gave me. As it seemed every male was focused on how I looked, be it whether the found me ugly or attractive.

I started to fear going out to a club because if I rejected a man, the abuse and insults would fly.

I rebelled, I cut my hair and dyed it and wore baggy clothes to repulse people. I threw myself into my studies and came against sexism during career advice given to me.

Access to Women only spaces gave me the confidence throughout my 20s to rebuild myself. I couldn't even bear to attend a mixed gym. Women only swimming gave me a sense of safety. My DH has seen for himself how men have behaved towards me, disgusting cat calls, predatory behaviour at the gym, pub etc. Men not taking no for an answer. So access to such spaces made me feel safe. I relished being pregnant because I suddenly became invisible to them.

Sorry, that very disjointed!

At 15 I was a hairdresser refusing geek. In school I wore a 40 inch M&S mens jumper to hide in with a short skirt (school rules) and flat boots. At home I wore army surplus trousers or jeans with baggy sweatshirts. No make up.

I was much taller than my peers, an early developer and socially awkward. The first time an adult man commented on my breasts I was 11 years old. I went to a mixed grammar school and girl guides was a haven of respite for me, I loved it, because no boys, outdoor pursuits and astronomy, my favourite thing. I couldn't count the number of times I was sexually harassed, from my driving instructor to colleagues to random blokes in public. It's absolutely disgusting and I've been a feminist since my teens. I'm older now so it's more discrimination than harassment these days.

Made me laugh. I used to hang out of my window to smoke. One night the wind was coming at me so I singed my fringe. Suspicious glance from my mum the next morning after I had to cut off half of it.

May have done the same too

This thread is great, just love reading about real teenage girls, varied, intelligent, interesting and unique. Recognise myself in lots of your descriptions and would have liked to have been friends with lots of you all.

Age 16 I was into indie/rock and loved the androgynous look of Manics, Suede, Placebo etc. Was so much more glamorous than my boring suburban life. Dressed in hippie/indie clothes and was weirdly flattered when a posh lad at school asked me if I smoked pot. I'd never even seen it before but I thought I must look cool enough to smoke it! Dabbled briefly with an eating disorder but hated myself for having (as I saw it) not enough self control to take it further. Used to spend most evenings in my room listening to Jo Whiley and Steve Lamacq on Radio 1 doing my homework. Was quite happy doing that although I would frequently take out my frustration at feeling fat and ugly (I really wasn't, looking back) on my thighs, with my compass. Wanted to be a music journalist but knew my parents would really disapprove.

Look out world

Just yearned to leave home and live my own life.
Clever but hated school, didn't fit in and was bullied. It has affected me ever since. I don't trust anyone.
Didn't (and don't ) do girlie chats, sleepovers shopping.
I like being on my own.
The effort some teen girls put into their appearance these days horrifies me.

Love this thread.
I had a gaggle of girl friends that enjoyed riding our bikes to each others houses, playing in trees, secretly buying mobiles, watching telly and having sleepovers. then my mum died when I was 12 but I handled it fantastically i must admit. Until I discovered makeup, realised i was 'ugly', developed dermotillomania, stopped swimming and discovered fags and booze with the other teens when i was 15/16. Hanging about in parks drinking cider and smoking weed from then on til I was 18, i guess it was the working class girls like me who's parents failed to stop us from staying out all night long who put ourselves at risk a lot. I used to walk home in the early hours drunk, alone and singing. Wearing docs and keys between knuckles. Nothing bad, no sexual assault ever happened to me on the streets though - only in shared houses and boys bedrooms.