I struggle with misogyny as a hatred of women, because I think that's one of the most immediate assumptions, when in my opinion, it's not contempt or hatred behind it.
For some men, I absolutely do believe it is, but not for the majority (imo).
I think it's a far more complex motivation for most men. Intimidation, fear, nerves, attraction, confusion all play a part too. I think the same motivation we see in the 8 year old boy when interacting with girls still exists in adult males, and the chosen 'solution' is a form of bullying / control to hide our own insecurities. I really do think most men do like women, but a disturbing percentage of them just can't deal with the relationship. When men can't cope, they frequently become irrational and aggressive - physically and/or emotionally.
The disdain for women (I feel) is often hiding insecurities.
I agree that the psychology behind it is not as simple as the word "hatred" might sometimes be thought of in everyday speech, but what is hatred?
The dictionaries say an extremely strong feeling of dislike, anger, disgust, animosity, a "disposition toward hostiltiy" resentment, anger, contempt, disdain, toward a siutuation, group or person. Blame (as distinct from measured understanding of cause and effect) I would say enters into creating that state of feeling.
As you say, all too often the complex feelings that you state eg "Intimidation, fear, nerves, attraction, confusion", "disdain" do result in the "irrational and aggressive" bullying behaviour you describe etc. But is that not hateful? Disdain is very much bordering on disgust.
Hate in its intensity gives strong motivation to remove the source of the problem, to control it or destroy it.
Does behaviour have to be 10/10 in severity before it is called hateful or hatred? Or does it start much lower down the spectrum? Because a behaviour could have been more hateful, does this mean it was not hate fuelled at all?
Feeling of lesser intensity and 'lesser' behaviours along this scale can be said to be manifestations of 'lesser' hatred and anger, so I imagine (not being a feminist scholar myself) that this is how the word is used and meant when you cut to the chase.
Many deeply racist people also have those complex angry irrational fearful feelings you describe, and the misplaced/msdirected anger, and at its worst this can lead to hateful speech and actions = hatred.
But those complex feelings are also not at all far from (or are the same as depending on your view) what underpins narcisstic behaviour and feeling of being narcissitically wounded etc, hence the link with male abusers and narcissim, controlling behaviour, anger and rage etc.
So why do those feelings and perhaps more to the point behaviours develop (or are sustained) in men, as you say with the 8 year old boy bully growing up into a dysfunctional and angry 'women averse' man.
I think perhaps it does stem from the stage when children are naturally narcisstic (around 3 years old and also a crucial time of identity formation) from a self preservationary point of view (demanding continued nurture and attention and food etc to maximise their own growth and survival perhaps from some sense of 'threat' from a new sibling or when they begin to percieve that other people are important and that they are not actually the centre of the universe) but that social conditioning trains girls to understand and manage their emotions better, to be kinder and more empathetic, to share (and this has evolutionary advantages to women and children.. and men of course), and to not assume control (even if they start out bossy this is limited to bossiness in the domestic zone). Perhaps testoerone is an additional chalenge for young boys that fails to successfully addressed too often or is chanelled into 'acceptable aggression'.
The prevailing misogyny then often fails to instill these soft and kind qualities in all boys and fails to explain the world and women accurately to them to alleviate their confusion (as is inevitable if women are constantly misdescribed, misunderstood, dismissed, devalued etc, many explanantions are going to be wrong or outright lies), and this simply reinforces the confusion (as it clearly is at odds with a boy's view of his loving and clever mother for example). But as you say to deal with this often boys are allowed to become bulllies and lash out at each other and at women for the feelings and thoughts that they cannot understand.
But to allow feelings of revenge and control and anger and entitlement to crowd out empathy and kindness. Is this not hateful behaviour? Isn't this the general theme in Star Wars - not letting certain emotions overwhelm you and turn you to the Dark Side?
And of course when any bad behaviour is seen in women then it 'justifies' all this rage and confusion that simmers underneath. So narcisstic. And cruel to men and especially women and children. And so unnecessary except to serve narcisstic sociopathic goals.
Having empathetic, peaceful men is not much use if you want to raise an army and go marauding to expand your domain - much better to have men that feel angry, aggressive, dominant and entitled.
I also think that many men do not recognise that what they feel in everyday reaction is an anger that is too far along the spectrum to be 'normal', that it is often misplaced and misdirected toward women, and the relationship to control and hatred, and do not see it and its risks in the same way that women do - because we feel the brunt of it more often and in more complex ways.
So this thread discusses that sexism can have less of the severe hating, overtly vengeful mentality that people associate with misogyny, but that for many misogynistic men, there absolutely is a simmering of hateful, fearful anger of themselves, the confusion they feel, the world, other men, (for whatever reason) but waht counts most for women is that it is all balled up into an expression of hateful behaviour aimed at women.
So yes, to cut to the chase, hatred of women seems OK to me.