Daddy daughter 'kink'

[Typeractive]

I've just made a complaint to the ASA about a music.ly ad I saw on YouTube this morning.
The ad featured three attractive young women, appearing as though they were on webcams and role-playing children. An unseen male voiced 'Daddy' and demanded that they promise not to have boyfriends, while they made various coy remarks and expressions.

I've been aware for some time of a so-called kink known as 'Daddy/Daughter' or 'Daddy/Little', in which child sexual abuse is role-played.

When I've been active on hook up sites, I've been disturbed by the number of men who are seeking this kind of 'dynamic' in their relationships. It seems to have become somewhat of a trend.

In fact, it was the prevalence of films depicting fictionalised incestuous abuse on mainstream porn sites such as pornhub, porntube, that woke me up to the evils of pornography and ended my shameful 'cool girl' lifestyle. I do a volunteering job which involves me having contact with CSA survivors and the cognitive dissonance was just too much.

And then this week there's been the resignation of Andrew Griffiths: pictures of him holding his baby daughter published alongside the vile texts he sent to 'his' 'slut', saying what 'Daddy' planned to do to her.

I find all of this so, so frightening and disturbing (which is probably why this op is so badly written and rambling - sorry). I suppose I'm writing to ask, is anyone else noticing this stuff and feeling the same way... and, if so, what should we be doing to rein in these men and protect vulnerable girls?

I don't know. I've written the stuff.

Female.

I have also been abused as a child and as an adult by different people

It won't be popular but I know what turns me on most about it is when it's consensual, very obviously play, very obviously no part of it can be abuse... I do find that a turn on as a woman with this particular kink.

I don't know if I got into kink because I'd been abused or if I just feel safer there. But it is very clear to me that it isn't reality e.g. I only really ever engage in this with men who there's something pretty obvious they couldn't be related to me like skin colour (that's just me)

You couldn't look at me and think I was a child... ever

Typeractive, here is the definition of bigot

[it's nothing to be afraid of since it most often applies to the person who uses that word as a weapon]

ncbecauseiadmittoomuch, thanks for coming to my thread and sharing what you thought would be an unpopular view.

I'm really sorry that you were abused, both as a child and as an adult.

I wasn't abused, but I had a very authoritarian, often quite angry, father who favoured quite ritualised and shaming (though not extremely painful or damaging) corporeal punishments. So my problem sexually is that I'm wildly excited by anything humiliating and degrading. I've come to think upon this as a sort of mini Stockholm syndrome. I'm working on reprogramming myself as, while I don't have a problem with my desires, I do have a big problem with any man who would be keen to indulge them (all my long term partners have been good men, so refused to do so).

But it sounds as though you are quite comfortable with your desires and those of your partners and don't find them disturbing?

Thanks, Jackie! I was the only Brexiteer in a family of very committed Remainers so I'm used to having to defend myself against that charge!!

Isn't the whole point of a kink to be wrong?

The issue is that transexuals are now lumped in with the transvestites and AGPs. So not only are the ones who do it for kicks given hero status, everyone has to pretend they are actual fucking women!!!!!!!

The fact that kink is now part of the LGB alphabet soup is ridiculous.

Not even an umbrella anymore, it's a fucking circus tent.

I have seen lots of poeple on threads on here and elewhere defending the "daddy kink" and the seeming total normality in the US of a boyfriend being their "daddy" -

By saying it has nothing to do with dad daughter at all don't be so revolting. That "daddy" is very different to "dad". Women saying "I call my actual dad Pa so therefore calling my partner "daddy" is AOK" and stuff.

This is possibly the weakest argument I have ever heard. It is literally right there in the name - daddy is what a small child calls their father in many english speaking countries. The fact that it has leaked through to the mainstream and lots of poeople are picking it up without thinking about where it comes from / what it means is no excuse really.

It's vile.

Also - as PP has mentioned in porn & also if you read those sorts of sites where people put stories they;ve written up - it is clear that this is all about men fucking / often raping their daughters. I used to read one of those sites and stopped as the sheer volume of male penned stories aboit girls getting raped often by an older male relaitve were just outweighing everything else.

This is clearly something that is of interest to lots of men. Incest / CSA is hardly uncommon. So, not much of a stretch here to say that for plenty of men who like this fantasy, it does what it says on the tin, no matter what the defenders like to think.

I was abused by my father. I find the whole thing completely horrifying and disturbing beyond words, especially the increasing prevalence of it.

It’s one thing if you’re damaged by abuse and end up developing an eroticised response to that trauma - but what about the men who are willing to engage in that kind of act with a traumatised person? Could you ever trust that person, have children with that person? It’s absolutely mind boggling.

@Racecardriver Isn't the whole point of a kink to be wrong?

No. It's to arouse all parties by mutual consent. "Wrongness" is irrelevant. Someone finding long hair (in men or women) a turn-on has a kink, but there's nothing anyone could realistically argue as wrong with that, as long as all acts are consensual.

I would concur with PPs that some kinks are very questionable because they undermine safeguarding.

Not arguing with you bd but am genuinely interested in your views. If someone who has been a victim of abuse wants to replay that abuse as a fantasy, what do you think? Is there an issue with consent? Do you think there is any responsibility needed by the "play" partner?

I'm asking because I don't know.

WTAF? How is this coming back as a thing? It is not OK and disturbing at every level.

We have to break the cycle of this stuff. It is not harmless or 'normal'. Common maybe, but not healthy :(

Daddy should mean loving, protective, caring, safe father. Not 'king' or 'topman' or 'boss' and especially not be a sexual role. As with the trans thing, where words get changed or perverted in this way, it means something is going on. Why is it not enough to be a safe father? This needs proper seriously well funded study.

ncbecauseiadmittoomuch. I am so sorry for what you have been through.

What happened to two consenting adults looking into each other's eyes, the emotional connection, kissing, touching bodies lovingly and engaging in simple intercourse?

I read a thread yesterday, apparently many younger men are experiencing erectile dysfunction as a result of too much masturbation to porn.

I think the porn industry has a lot to answer for, Helsinki. It's a very crowded marketplace and there's no competitive edge in the kind of sex you've described, and so pornographers are always pushing the envelope as hard as possible as that's what's profitable.

X post, Helsinki!

Replaying abuse can be a way to work out the un-understandable, to try to make some sense of what has gone wrong with boundaries and feelings as Tammy says. Sometimes it is an attempt (conscious or otherwise) to 'normalise' the feelings and behaviours to avoid the feelings of guilt and shame and 'weirdness' or the behaviours that may have been internalsied, but it is never the victims fault even if they do feel this way after the fact. Guilt and shame after abuse is very complicated.

Sadly this can be why some people go on to abuse others after having been abused themselves. Admitting the 'wrongness' of what has been done to them is somehow not possible as they would (wrongly) see themsleves as wrong or to blame or that they were complicit or enjoyed it. Abuse is utterly devastating.

I don't think that people who are emotionally and psycholigically healthy and empathetic would want to be complicit in anything that repalys abuse and would find it disturbing. I would hope that they would encourage the person to find help.

I think many kinks are worrying.

This stuff is all over Tumblr, and it's creepy as hell. I'd advise any woman to run a mile from a man who wants this sort of relationship with her (especially if she has kids herself, as like PP above I think a man who has an interest in this is exactly what it says on the tin and I wouldn't trust one around kids).

In the US some girls call their partner "Daddy". It sounds really weird to us but it's normal to them.

@bd67th I thought that things like long hair or feet or whatever we're classed as a fetish while a kinky had to have an element of violence/abuse/taboo about it.

But it sounds as though you are quite comfortable with your desires and those of your partners and don't find them disturbing?

I don't find them disturbing personally. I'm aware others do.

Daddy should mean loving, protective, caring, safe father. Not 'king' or 'topman' or 'boss' and especially not be a sexual role

That's exactly what it means to me though... men who are very clearly not my father. Who are loving, protective, caring and safe.

I think the men I've been with who I've wanted to use this term with it have initially been far more uncomfortable than I am with it. I have role played abuse I experienced... for me I've found it quite therapeutic. I'm not being abused or exploited, at the end of it and even through it - the man is safe, it's consensual, and I do get something erotic out of that however fucked up it sounds. I think there's so much pressure to be a certain way if you've gone through something. I find a freedom in kink that I'm just not allowed elsewhere as I'm judged for not fitting someone else's box of how they would be in my shoes.